How can you love
With hate in your heart,
Anger in your head,
Disappointment in your eyes?

How can you love
With never feeling love itself,
Never understanding the concept,
Never touching it?

How can you love
Someone who doesn't love you back,
Someone who loves too much,
Someone just like you ?

How can anyone love your
Cockiness,
Inability to care,
Desire to be in control?

How can you love
Without loving yourself ?

I long for...
You.
The inevitable, intangible
You.

The one
I cannot touch,
The one
I do not know...

You exist only in my mind.

But out of the trillions of men
Existent in the world...
My idea of perfection

Is...

In  all actuality...

A reality.

Right?

I drink and I drown
lose myself to my friend
who pretends to be Aphrodite
I indulge him
let him merry go round
my body without sober hands
pulling me like a kraken
till air is the separation between coherent thought
and consent
You are sleeping
in another town
Never dreaming
even of me
(we aren't together)
So i sleep with a friend
who doesn't want to be alone
who feels like a crop circle gone wrong
fooled by their own conspiracies
and i make myself small
hoping secrets sink like
Anchors

It's been far too long since
I picked up a hymnal, or
endulged in the physical
flesh and blood of God.

I pray for peace: among
others: friend or foe and for
me. So that I can be ok with
myself and sleep soundly.

Why am I so afraid to go back
into a place that gave me solice
in times where I needed it most?
Distance. Laziness. Excuses. All
signs that point me in the opposite
direction of where I need to be...

But if I know this and I know how
to solve it, why don't I? Why don't
I reconnect with faith? Why don't I
motivate myself to do it.

I don't really know.