"Tell me how far you will go if you really want to keep me close.” The lyric sounds present yet absent, too familiar to pay attention to, though it hints me on our unspoken accord. “I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I will never let you go.” As a result it can't advance, it can't take the upper hand. I'm euphoric with that firm embrace though i never ever shared it with anyone else. Without a lucid expression to each other we know that, if we chose to, we could venture into something reckless, even pointless. “Feeling close but we are faraway, farther than we think we are.”

As the cabin fell languish, I found my sentience lucid than expected. Is the caffeine reining in the back, out of all cases as the most eminent one? It’s way better than the impasse of drowsiness anyway. The interstice of the window shut down glimmers. Amorphous sense of prelude. I’m stunned with and at peace with the pace my two neighbors and I created. At the moment while their breath calmed arms staggered in their dreams, I hope I am too. “There’s monster in my dreams, I should fight’em but I let them in. It’s killing me slowly.”

The nightmare creeped as the plane is declining height. As the air pressure changes my ear didn’t feel well. All the machinery rumble made a soundscape in and of itself. “Meet me in the middle of night and let me hear you say everything’s okay.” I shut out the world to open up thoughts, to let the inner universe take over. As I'm inwardly present and completely distant comes the greatest moment that transcends all language. To compose poetry is not to utter but to listen, so does anthropology.

The astonishing sunset awaits us, no matter the exact time, as long as we dove down high from above and saw through at the right time. The New York City leaned, boosting its colonies of glow that stood in the night. I threw my sight from the window. What's happened there? Whose light is it? Whom is it lit for? I wonder, and I can’t see it clear. But the depth index is too big to see it clear; the blur blurs. Physically and figuratively.

You called me for the
First time today just
To talk about the fireworks
Now everything I see reminds
Me of you and those
Stupid cowboy boots the
Ones you wear to church
(The ones I don’t actually hate)
That black jeep the
Pocket-knife collection
The perfect music you play
(I can no longer hear
Without seeing your face)
Your art
Your hats
Your hands
We talked about fireworks
Until late in the night now
I’m blinded by everything
You are but it’s okay
As long as it’s you

no matter what happens,
it's always her.

she's there through my
platonic breakups,
romantic breakups,
emotional breakdowns,
overwhelm,
and the nights i cry myself to sleep.

she's there
every
single
time.

that's why it's always her.


but you know..
things change.

people change.

so maybe it's not always her.
atleast not anymore,
not the way it once was.

she's not there anymore.

but honestly?
nor am i.
and im trying to move on
from her.

and i think im almost there.

Can a certain affection,
Perhaps feel as a victory
My love for you, platonically
Deeply rooted into my soul

My veins made for dancing ours,
My eyes made for meeting yours
Self made at heavens sake
I love you dearly my best friend.

Against life, we grew wiser
Rooftop dancing at golden hour,
Theorising on human behaviour.

The music made us tougher,
**** - supposedly smarter
We were promised a future; 'brighter'.

Yet nothing cut greater than trusting her.

//

Risking safety to feel folly,
Thriving in co-dependency -
She made me lonely.

But our jaws and belly both hurtful, I was thankful
To laugh so freely, hide carelessly empty -

We built a nest of sufficiency for what felt like a century.

Still lonely, though
Shamefully hoping one day she’d hate me so.

i want to be held
and rocked like i was wanted from the start
with arms that hush the noise
and cradle my aching heart

i want the skin of your hand
to graze my cheek so light
in the way that says, “you’re my baby girl,”
and makes the world feel right

i want to rest my head in your lap
and feel you hum a tune
like safety has a quiet sound
that softens up the room

this isn’t romantic
this is what should’ve been mine
what most people have never had to grieve
because they’ve had it the whole time

Lavender and Lysol
I hope you’re excited!
guidance in the form of secrets
Coming out of your shell (I see the old me in you)

Goblin Market
Tales of trysts with a silk tie
under an amnesiac glow (ggp)
A pre-roll keeps doing a disappearing act

Eucalyptus, sweat, steam
You sat there with me for what felt like hours
Two minutes
Sipped electrolytes

Mexican chocolate is back!
They’re zero waste now
Reminiscing (talking ****)
Helping me fill in the gaps

Part 2, 3, 4
Sour wax crunches when frozen
You don’t know how much I needed this laugh
You guys keep me honest

Now more than a day alone feels like solitary confinement
I’ve shed my introvert childhood
I crave companionship
I know how sweet it can be

People say we die alone - get used to it
But I think I’ll end up somewhere
A mango tree
Arms outstretched
Friends as far as the eye can see

there’s such a thing as spending time with someone—with nothing attached.
just two human beings, getting affectionate with each other.
no romance, no ***.
just two souls in a quiet room with screaming thoughts.

i’ve seen it in movies—
but not yet in real life.

what is it like,
to be in one?

I’m scared.
Scared I’ve been too vulnerable.
Scared I trusted too much.
Scared I’ve gotten my hopes up.

I should have known by now
nothing this good is ever real
Nothing ever has been.
Nothing ever will be.
And it’s time to accept that.

I have always been disappointed,
since I was a little girl,
and somehow,
I have made peace with that.

But this time,
this time I want it to be different.
I want it to stick.
I want you to stay.

I’m sorry I love too strongly,
too loudly,
too much.
But there’s something about you
something I can’t explain.

I have never felt safer before,
and yet,
I have never been more terrified.

I’m scared I will let down all my walls,
let you in,
only for you to look around
and decide you don’t like what you see.

I’m scared I’ll scare you away.
I’m scared you’ll be like everyone else.

I’m scared.
I want it to stick.
I want you to stay.