there’s such a thing as spending time with someone—with nothing attached.
just two human beings, getting affectionate with each other.
no romance, no ***.
just two souls in a quiet room with screaming thoughts.

i’ve seen it in movies—
but not yet in real life.

what is it like,
to be in one?

I’m scared.
Scared I’ve been too vulnerable.
Scared I trusted too much.
Scared I’ve gotten my hopes up.

I should have known by now
nothing this good is ever real
Nothing ever has been.
Nothing ever will be.
And it’s time to accept that.

I have always been disappointed,
since I was a little girl,
and somehow,
I have made peace with that.

But this time,
this time I want it to be different.
I want it to stick.
I want you to stay.

I’m sorry I love too strongly,
too loudly,
too much.
But there’s something about you
something I can’t explain.

I have never felt safer before,
and yet,
I have never been more terrified.

I’m scared I will let down all my walls,
let you in,
only for you to look around
and decide you don’t like what you see.

I’m scared I’ll scare you away.
I’m scared you’ll be like everyone else.

I’m scared.
I want it to stick.
I want you to stay.

Never wavering
Always thinking
Listening
Feeling
You are a mirror

Built to be constant  
To be melded
And stained
With colors only angels dream in

Crafted to reflect
To refract
To rebuild
To redefine

You are a bleeding blue
And a mellow lilac
And a crimson blaze
All in one

And there’s nothing
Your magic doesn’t touch
Or your soul doesn’t cover
Like fleece on gentle skin

You are calm and chaos
And all the heat in between
There’s no river
You can’t outrun  

My heart has known yours
In seasons of warm
And seas of grief
And in droughts and storms and
Through freezing rain

So now all that’s left
Is the rest of this life
And the thunder
And the light
And your reflection looking back at me

No need for words, the heart can see,
A mirrored depth, where spirits be.
A knowing glance, a silent hum,
Two souls entwined, as one they've come.

Where in this world, of fleeting things,
Soulmate love, forever sings.
A pure connection, thru thick and thin
My platonic soulmate , were not meant to be.

To my platonic soulmate,
We were not meant to be romantic.
We were just meant to be.

Although the love we have each other
is undeniable and although the love
we have each other exists,

It was not meant to stretch beyond
the pure unions of friendship.
It was not meant to stretch at our heartstrings
but instead it was meant to gently massage them into peace.
It was not meant to stretch your leg over my shoulder
at three o'clock in the morning
after a night filled with laughter and conversation.

It was not meant to stretch past the boundaries we subconsciously
set to ensure that things don't get complicated.
It was not meant to stretch our connection into emotional destinations that have no return tickets if we took that plunge.

Romance is not the only reason the universe brings souls together.
Growth and love can exist without it.
Perhaps we were not meant to be romantic
Perhaps we were only meant to be.

She said,
"I'm looking for someone,
Looking for something."
I asked,
"What is it?"
She replied,
"I can't exactly remember."
I questioned,
"How will you know you've found it?"
She said,
"It's something one can't forget,
Someone never forgotten."
I asked further,
"Well, who is it?"
She said,
"I don't really know,
But I think I've seen them before.
There's an image in my head
And an idea in my mind,
They feel innate to me."
"Are they, though?"
She didn't answer,
"I think if I just do
As my parents have done
And their parents have done,
I'll be all the closer."
I just shook my head and laughed.
"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you.
I just find it funny.
You say you're searching
For something or someone,
And you only have the slightest idea
Of what that is."
"I know, it's a bit silly."
"Why, they could be
Talking to you right now
And you would never know it then!"
"Maybe, maybe not.
I'd like to think
I would recognize it, recognize them."
"Well, you don't think
You're special do you?"
"No more so than anyone else."
"So, how would you know?"
"I guess I just believe,
I have faith in that
Hope shall deliver me.
I try my hardest
To be the best I can be,
I always try to be honest
And act respectfully.
I love with all my heart
And shelter it from nobody."

"Ah, but do you reach?
Do you search your mind
As much as the tangible world?
Perhaps what you're looking for
Can't be found
Without exploring within first.
Perhaps this is the only place
It exists.
Maybe it is a mystery
Confused with fantasy,
Maybe it is a fantasy
Confused with mystery.
Perhaps it can
Only be discovered
By any one individual.
Maybe by elusion,
Made by illusion.
Perhaps it is,
Perhaps it isn't,
Maybe you're just not worthy.
Perhaps you've already eclipsed it."
I had said.
"I'm looking for someone,
Looking for something."
I said.

"What is it?"
She said.
"It's something one can't forget,
Someone never forgotten."
I said.
"Yes, but who remembers?
And what memories?"
She said.
"It's something that can't be held,
But something one must hold.
It's something that can't be told,
But something one must tell.
It's like the melody of a song,
Like the lyrics sung.
It is only as old
As it is young."
I said.
"What is it?"
She said.

"What is it?"

How was your room?
A pillow thrown to the door
Whisps of Tea brushing my nose
A promise to someday visit the shore
Late nights watching the movies you chose
Ping-Pong matches, no one keeping score
Elevator gossip about men you found gross

How was your room?
Bone white walls and metal desks
Naked beds and missing pillows
Paper on the door, boxes and checks
flipped the switch to a jarring yellow
Eyes looked down, scratches to the neck
A wide drawn smile never felt so hollow

everyone's found a spot
a home for their box
but me,
everything's just piling up
in the passenger seat

would it be incorrect
to beg on my knees for the tender caress of the open waves
though rivers and lakes lap at my ankles, telling me all I need is right here, just ask!

a sailors ears trained on the horizon, a spark in their eye for the sirens song
a hunters sigh ending in success, their hunger trained on a brief, yet bittersweet sunset
a starlet and the Creation of Adam between her and the her ocean

greed is mankind's worst flaw
for I am no kinder than a man