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CautiousRain Nov 2015
'Twas Saturday, and the clothes abound,
were cruffled and lay in shabby state,
pants and shirts, to feet were wound,
   or carrumped in arms, a heavy weight.

“Beware the laundry, my dear child,
The smelly socks, the ***** sheets,
Beware the washer, with its center wild,
and shun the powdered soap, its scent deceits!”

She took the pile, and flung from hands,
the soap and smell she still dread,
so fast was she, with soapy brands,
and sprinkled it, through air it fled.

And, as in a relieved thought she stood,
The laundry soaked in waters warm,
in gurbling stream, as water should,
And sunk beneath the bubbly storm.

Swish, swash, swish swash! It clanged and bashed,
the cloth slwooshed back and forth,
the lid meeting its close was mashed,
She frolumped joyfully back in form.

“And have you vanquished the ***** clothes?
Come to my arms, oh clean one!
Wonderous day! No more dismay, bless the smell of rose!
For no longer sat a stinky ton.

'Twas Saturday, and the clothes abound,
were cruffled and lay in shabby state,
pants and shirts, to feet were wound,
   or carrumped in arms, a heavy weight.
A parody nonetheless. Done for my high school senior english class. :^) It had to be based off of a chore.
All hail the internet!
The master of us all.
The one who watches day and night,
And guards the human thrall.

All hail the internet!
Our lives without are vain.
Throughout the day we worship you,
Without you life's mundane.

All hail the internet!
Your knowledge unconfined.
Forget the days of reading books,
That time is far behind.

All hail the internet!
We're now smarter and we're kind.
No one argues anymore,
About a dress they find.

Oh, forget the internet.
I can't do this anymore.
That place is twisted and corrupt.
I'd leave but there's no door.
My friend originally had this idea of "All hail the internet" and challenge me to make a poem about it. So here it is.
P.S. If you don't know what dress I'm talking about, that's good. Keep it that way.
Edna Sweetlove Jun 2015
Skidmarks on your *******
Tells a tale on you-oo
Skidmarks on your *******
Shows you did a poo-oo.
Bet you twenty Euro
You and I are through
Skidmarks on your *******
Show you followed through.

Skidmarks on your *******
Skidmarks back and fro-ont
Shows you didn't wipe up
Your ******* or your cu-unt.
Bet you twenty Euro
You stupid little runt
Skidmarks on your *******
***** bumholed ****.
As can be seen this can be sung to the tune of the immortal Connie Francis fifties hit, "Lipstick on your collar".
Enjoy!
Rebel Heart May 2014
Once I met a man named Frank,
Then he renamed himself Poe,
He always enjoyed a good prank,
But that's what made me his foe.

For months I stood awaiting,
Months alone in my room,
Waiting, debating, and hating,
Till the fitting revenge began to bloom.

Then, once upon a midnight dreary,
I began to carry out my plan,
Fully knowing how Poe was weary,
But also knowing tis was the best day to get back on that treacherous man.

So I paint my parrot black,
And made sure it looked like a Raven,
Good thing my pet had a knack,
To turn my foes into a craven.

Telling my parrot (now a raven) "Nevermore",
I issue a simple command,
And leave it by Poe's door,
Thinking, "Oh, Poe's reaction shall be very grand!"
From the title, you could obviously tell what this poem is about. I wrote this some time ago for English Class. This teaches you to 1)Never play an extreme prank on someone that serious and 2)Get your facts right before you start talking to a Raven and thinking how you're gonna live a miserable life because it could be a prank. I know this is pretty stupid, but if you think about it, Poe never did tell us what happened to this man before "The Raven" so it's possible. ;)
Arcassin B Jun 2015
By Arcassin Burnham

Scowl up my face for the moves you make,
You Are the definition to finding a word in the Webster's dictionary,
I'm so Appalled!!!!!
No better way to punish someone you want to destroy in an office full of documents and papers for charitable organizations,
That can be dealt with later,
He enjoys the oral way too often,
And shes never been penetrated,
masterful until he's in his coffin,
Virginity will get authenticated,
Escalated,
Elevated,
Rejuvenated,
Just be glad that your face is straightened.
Lol I like the title
Johnathan locke Apr 2015
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million bombers fly
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave craters everywhere
You'd think me mad
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth burns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is as crazy as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bolts
As they tried to teach me how to talk
A foxtrot above my head
An assassin beneath my bed
The dying world is just hanging by a thread
(Thread, thread...)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth burns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is as stupid as it seems
(When I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such a paranoid maniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why don't I tire from killing peeps
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too happy to fall asleep
(Ha-ha)

To ten million souls that died
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they screamed in hatred
(screamed in hatred)
But I'll know where several are
If my life get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
(Jar, jar, jar...)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth burns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is as bad as it seems
(When I fall asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth burns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my home is bursting in the streets
If someone can sing this, you have my support.
Ottar Apr 2015
I would like to watch you wrestle,
with your sheets so white.
I would like to watch you
wrestle. I would like to wrestle
with you, stand above
as a train trestle, noisy tracks
above your bed

pick you up and throw you, show
you my classic move on white
sheets in the dark, full moon casting
doubt that you will resist my
sleeper hold, afraid that
I might leave forgetting, my mask
and championship belt with notches,
for you to remember me; bye, bye,
but then in your delirium
you insult my mum and
I return to the fray, tangling
you in the sheets and warming
all the pillows coldest sides
as I do my
spinning
whirling dervish move
at the head of your bed, I strip
the bed of all its dressing,
so if and when I go you will
have to make it on your own
you are standing there breathing heavy
as I turn to gloat away you simply fall
upon the naked bed breathless

I take one last leap into the air
your eyes open wide and we connect
in that moment, I know you know
I am about to land a hammer elbow &
painfully direct.
Thankyou and apologies to Margaret Atwood, and all my sleep deprived friends, Sorry to my fellow Canadians and fellow Margaret Atwood fans
Variation on the Word Sleep

I would like to watch you sleeping.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun and three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
and that necessary
Maka22alburn33 Apr 2015
Knick Knack, Patty whacks
Give away a soul
This old man just paid his toll.
Carsyn Smith Apr 2015
2B or not 2B -- that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to trust
The estranged memory of my parked car,
Or to take arms against the flight of stairs
And, by ascending, remember. 1A, one floor --
No steps -- and by 1A to say we end
The footache and the thousand natural shocks
That heel is heir to -- ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. 1A, one floor --
One floor, perchance no callis. Ay, there’s the rub,
For in these shoes of death what callis may come,
When we have shuffled off these mortal streets,
The lot must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes calamity of memories.
For who would bear the sores of party shoes,
Th’ endless rows of resting vehicles,
The low ceilings and countless steps,
The insolence of the inebriated, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
When he himself might end the fuddled search
With a local inn? Who would challenge the stairs,
To grunt and sweat under buzzed breath,
But that the dread of someone waiting at home,
The undiscovered disappointment from whose bourn
No party-er returns, shaming the conscience
And makes us rather storm the steps to 2B
Than face anger we wish we knew not of?
Thus a spouse’s fury does make heroes of us all,
And thus the reality of ten more steps
Is boiled in the evening’s song and merriment
With little regard whether the car is parked in 1A
Or perhaps upstairs in 2B. -- Harsh you now,
The ground that catches me. -- Cushion, concrete bed,
I think I shall rest here.
A parody of Hamlet's "To be or not to be" speech.
Martin Narrod Feb 2014
I get my feet into this, I get my hands to that.
I get my eyes on somethin' and I don't look back.
But you knew that. Cause I told you twice.
I painted you and your cistern  my favorite shade of white.

I like 'em gold on the top, and pink in the middle-
Try to get 'em squealing when I pluck my fiddle.
If I can raise up the flag, in all its glory of red, white, and blue.
Then I should be able to take up my hand to a woman or two.

I like backdoor trouble, I'm as mean as the devil,
I don't mess with ***** that like to cuddle, .
Even though Kristine's my girlfriend, it doesn't make her my bride
I said listen ***** , "If you keep callin' you're gonna ps off my wife ."

Cause I was raised in the pine, but I grew up in the forest
I've been a mile high member with another Kristina from Florida.
If she can choke on the ****, then maybe I'll be romantic,
As long as I can **** her ***** up like cervical cancer.

I met a teacher name Lisa but I had to teach her,
Beneath her their startin' to get to sleepin' was her girl friend Selena
I had em lay their like two logs, and tied them up like human hogs
Just a real home meal is what this doctor ordered.

Now if I need bleach, I just, use some more
And if I need virgins, I just, cut new holes
But if I want me some white, tight, tiny swine,
I get to the high school by a quarter to nine
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