pen,
paper,
late night,
crumpled.

coffee,
sip,
think,
draft.

writer's block
because of you.
overthinking
drown her.

i'm scared of the future
of opening my wounds
tearing up my sutures
of what's coming soon
of anything i don't know
can't tell where i should go
how long will this last?
am i going too fast?
the pacing of the show

if i think too hard i'll just freeze
and get pushed down by a single breeze
i don't have enough people who believe
such a short list that it doesn't include me
wish i could just run and be free
but nothing's that easy
afraid that this plane won't take off
too many tails to shake off
and i don't have insurance
so i choose avoidance
every time and always
until i run out of ways to say
sorry, not today.

im just a brain
im trapped inside my body
I'll never really walk
no one does
i just tell my shell to move
all i can do is think
and manipulate nerves and muscles
im not a perfect brain
i wasn't treated well by other brains
because they weren't treates well by other brains
i almost used my shell to **** me
but i thought too much
overthinking causes me pain
but it saved me that day
im just a brain
but i can cause myself pain?
im just a brain
i dont know what purpose i was created for
and if i think about that for too long I'll cry
because i cant process it
im just a brain
and im very powerful
but i can only use 10 percent of my function
why is this
so many questions
that this lonely brain can't answer
im just a brain
and so are you
and none of us know what to do

Bring back those summers
when all I did was read books
and snooze under the noisy fan;
**** on ice pops
until my lips went numb;
gorge on black jamuns,
rolling the pits over my tongue;
listen to the radio cycling
the same twelve songs…

It was all I did.
It was enough.

I still do the things I did then –
I read,
laze around
with my earphones on,
eat what I like,
and do whatever else I want.

Yet I can’t shake the restlessness –
It’s not enough.

Summer remains the same.
I am the one who has changed.