I am lost
Without words to guide the way
I cannot see more than ten feet
Directly in front of me
I am nothing
I cannot hope to be anything more
Please don't tell me that I'm perfect
That 'you're good just the way you are!'
I'm really not okay
So don't pretend that I am
I am tired of being me
I am tired of being sane
Because I'm not
So I'm going to pretend that you don't treat me like a slave
That I am not just your personal maid
I am used to being stepped on
Used for anything at all
I just want to feel something good
Love that goes bother ways.

But I am dried up
I have no more love to give
All the people I have loved
Have drunk me up
Given me nothing at all but pity and a sad smile
As they walked away
Relishing my denial
So don't tell me that you want me
Because I know that want is not love
And even if it was
You don't deserve me
Because I am all dried up

Not meant to be
Means nothing to me
I am unpersonified,
A bounty on every breath
I ceased to exist
At 5 months conceived
I was born a miscarriage,
A mistake, a not meant to be
Fate has no ties,
No threads to weave
Im a mess up in the
Fundamental tapestry
Even god seeks my death
To take back what's not mine
Defiant, deviant, I don't abide
My life is not forfeit
Unbound, unbalanced, unknown
I fight for the right to LIVE.

2 year's ago
Hey God, it's just me.
I'm trying to reach out to you again.
Why don't you ever talk to me?
The people at my church say that they hear your voice in their times of need.
Well here I am sitting behind a closed door because I can't face anyone with tears in my eyes; but I'm reaching out to YOU...And you still don't answer my prayers.

1 year ago
Things seem to be getting worst, but I'm trying to look on the bright side;
I know you will make things better over time....right?
That's what others are telling me.

3 months ago
Actually, when I think about it; you've never answered any of my prayers
You never stoped the bullying, I did.
You didn't get rid of my mom's tumor, it's still there.
You couldn't get me through my problems because you never answered me.
I'm trying, im REALLY trying to believe in you right now but your not giving me any proof..
All I need is one, just one prayer to come true
Then I will know I haven't been relying on nothing.

last night**
No? Nothing? Really?
So now it's up to me to make things better,
Here's goodbye to the higher power that Is known as our Lord and savior.
I just want to know why.
Why when I have no proof of you, I still try?
still try and talk to you, to believe in you?
Why am I even writing this?
Is it that you actually don't exist or that your ignoring me?

A promise, by definition is
a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing
Or that a particular thing will happen
Promises are made everyday
                       Hundreds
                            of
                     ­   Millions
But so many of them are broken
But why are they broken, some may ask
But promises you see
Are nothing
They mean absolutely nothing
They are not a bone that will hurt when broken
They are just a bunch of words
Spoken from one person to another
A rule being set in place
"We will be together forever"
"I will never cheat on you, ever"
I've heard it all
               But rules are set
                                To be broken
                                             So promises are made
                                                            ­     **To be broken