Glimpses of what could be
In absence of gnawing hole
Stare not too long
Into black zero sum game

As surely as man who
Stares directly at sun
May lose sight

He who peers void-ward too
Blinded from past, present and future
Was it worth it?

I have walked this earth a thousand times.
Dirt. A loose aggregate of particles, held together by gravity, and moisture.
Rain. Water suspended. Resurging. Cascading in plumes, like sheets of smoke.
Sky. Blue. Stretched like canvas. Abstract. Nowhere. Everywhere.
I exist. Here. Standing. Thinking.
I am dead. I am being born.
I am existing across all time and space, but I do not know it.
At this moment, I am trapped. I am unconscious. I am unaware.
I have walked this earth a thousand times, and cannot even remember.
Because it has not happened. Has yet to happen. May never happen.
Future. A nonexistence on the horizon.
Hope. An ache. A nothing replaced with nothing.
Misery. The wretched face in the mirror.
A child wears my eyes. She drifts through life.
Scared. Alone. Free.
She plays in the forest. Her small, sap-covered hands grasp branch after branch.
She enters intermediate school. Is called freak. Is judged by her skin, her eyes.
She realises she is different for the first time.
Alien. Deviant. Other.
Her eyes fill with self-hatred.
I have watched this moment a thousand times, yet can do nothing.
Disintegration. The act of separation.
Loneliness. A billion strangers condemned to live together.
Existence. A billion billion billion particles, shifting beneath my flesh.
There is no death that can end my being.
I have felt the atoms of my past collide, and spark into biology.
I have felt the atoms of my future shred like fractals, spiralling into a dim, dark nothingness.
I have felt all this, and none of it.
From infinity I came, to infinity I’ll go. Forever cycling in the pantomime of existence.
This pretend construct of space and time.

To-night is dark, so
  step lightly and carry
  a large lamp into
  the howling woods

Wisdom says run, run
  to dark caves and
  harrowing silences
  mirror the bottomless

The abyss, gazing
  headlong into itself,
  recoils in horror,
  shudders dis-eased

And only lamp-light,
  courage flick'ring
  in oppressive depth
  persists, defiant

A stain on un-becoming
  a trampler of stars
  peddler of filth
  who knows all the answers.

You must shout your name
into the abyss!
Not to hear it echo back,
but so it may exist.

Determine meaning of toxic
probe quantity of goodness required
to cease metabolic function
Give space to inspections
of remaining affect-reserves
Adjust interior humidity
to +/- decency

Console yourself.

Aye, so I feel down
so  like any societally inept man throughout history
I resign to write self-assuring philosophy

Whole books of advice, not taken  
to scorn those who make my mistakes
I even quote my dead depressed brothers
to bestow a false valid weight

But more than anything at all,
I think Nietzsche was most right;
all us philosophers
who shrugged off all heaven or hope
retreat to our own arrogant plan
that we figured it all out

Gravity is negligible
Ground below disappears
Stars are within reach
And our energy grows
Even Einstein envies us
Because time stops
When we are together

Control is needless
With full confidence
we make every desire reality
Even Atlas envies us
Because the world lies
In the palm of our hands
When we are together

As brave warriors
We boldly crash
Every border ahead
For a higher cause
Even Napoleon envies us
Because we are the masters of power
When we are together

The melody of
Our melded bodies
Is the only thing we hear
Even Mozart envies
The perfectly composed symphony
When we are together

Moral vanished
Rationality forgotten
Our psyche ruled by Id
Even Freud envies us
because pleasure is the only drug we use
When we are together

The fantasy is real
As  is the breathing
Mine and yours
Deep and passionate
Even Nietzsche envies us
Because the Übermensch becomes alive
When we are together