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Mercedes Sep 2018
we were like
water filled balloons,
dropping
from high buildings
in the nights
december.

it was safe to say
january leave
a good impression
but luckily for us,
we haven’t seen it since.

december, please
give me your shoulder.

thirty-one/twelve came,
and we were waiting
for the ball to drop,  and
we were waiting for
the ***** to drop,  and
for boys to become men
and for someone to grab our hands
and for wrongs
to become rights  and
for the windows to be
opened,
for the fresh air to find us
amidst the suffocating smoke
and mistakes
that clogged up our lungs
so we couldn’t laugh how we used to.
three,

two,

one:
deafening screams,
fifty-eight people with
two hands
on two cheeks
with two eyes closed
and two lips
on two others,
and where were we?
the fifty-nine and sixty
were on the roof of the
apartment building,
staring at the stars,
wondering which one
was going
to die next.

you and I,
we were like bin bags
overflowing with waste
in the kitchen
with broken glass.


our material was stretching
so it was thin and grew
clearer with the more
waste it took
and just like that,
one/twelve was here.

so I put my two hands
on your two shoulders
with my two eyes  
wide open
and shook you
until your eyes rolled back
and your hair was a mess
and your ears were burning;

and we were waiting for
things to make sense, and
we were still waiting  
for the ***** to drop and  
for men to grow up, and
for someone to grab our hands,
for those wrongs
to feel right
for the door to be closed
and for the fireplace to burn
our troubles away
so we could laugh like we used to.

by twenty-three/four,
we had made
our mistakes into those  
falling  
stars instead of  
ourselves,
and our
memories part of the  
full moonlight,
and on the  
thirty-first of each month,  
we’d remember  
the times where  

we were like  
water filled balloons,
bin bags, overflowing
with waste
and emotional baggage,
dropping,
from high buildings
in the nights of december.
Lex Dec 2017
This whole year,
I spent it being scared.
This whole year,
I did nothing but compare.
This whole year,
I tried too hard
This whole year,
the real me became slowly charred.
This whole year,
I could never measure up.
This whole year,
I told my self I was a *****-up
This whole year,
I was caught
This whole year,
I worried too much about what they thought.
So this next year,
I'm going to love the crap out of myself.
What are your plans for self-develpment in 2018?!
©
~LJ
The Sparrow Dec 2017
Tall buildings, black sky,
Across the asphalt river
parties roar.
Crisp winds blister through the
city block.
I inhale; smoke burns.
My nerves ease…

New Years Eve…

Let snow fall upon a weary heart.
Years come and go.
Ages pass with many breaths,
but what of these smoked filled
lungs?
I fear, no joy for me…

Year of Jubilee…

Come, oh, blessed city, come.
When will ages cease to pass,
like the smoke upon my lips?
Then I will rejoice in a
New Year.
Jessica S Sep 2017
On New Year’s Eve I told myself
It will get better
This year will be different
I will be stronger, prettier, happier
But now summer is over
It gets colder
And it is still me who is
lying on the bathroom floor
at 3 a.m
crying and praying to god that
Next year will be different
jalc Jan 2017
Let's not leave this spot
This little piece of the universe
For which we have fought
To keep for just us.

We'll stay inside today
Make our resolutions for the year
A map that shows us the way
For all the days in our lives' calendar.

Let's not go outside yet
Into the never ending storm
It's safe in this our cosset
Together we can keep warm.

We'll create a beautiful memory
Watch films and make meals
A 24-hour remedy
To combat the year's ills.
So it's been many days since the New Year, but I wanted to post something at least. I had a wonderful New Year's Eve, and I want such a day again. I'm letting it motivate me through the challenges I know the year will bring.
francesca Dec 2016
to every family that has lost someone to the war on drugs, i offer you a piece of my heart. take it and make it yours.

when the other children ask if i miss you, i answer no. how can i miss someone who has not even left? you are still alive, i feel it; i know it to be true. you live in the paper thin walls of our home, a ghost lingering on the dining table.

(i'm sorry there's hardly any food laid out. sometimes mother forgets to buy any or her hands shake too much for her to cook -- i don't know if it's from the cigarettes or the lambanog. brother is always out nowadays, trying to make money. he leaves before the sun is up and comes home long after mother has gone to bed. i think they're like this because they can hardly bear to look at your seat without dying a little more.)

grandmother tells me to talk some sense into mother. "just because he died doesn't mean she can let her children die too. she is just sad. she needs someone to talk to." what she means is: comfort her. but i wonder. what comfort can you offer a dead man walking?

sometimes i stare at the sky from the hole on my ceiling, and i wonder which star is you. is it the bright one that is always at the center of my vision? the one a little ways to the left? on better days, brother joins me and takes my hand in his. i swear it's almost like you're back, laying beside me.

it's hard without you here. we miss you. when i see the other children and their fathers -- whole, unhurt, *alive
-- i feel a pang of pain. it's like hearing the gunshot all over again.

i don't know if you were still alive then, but i was the one who called for help. i screamed until my lungs gave way to the torrent of pain that filled even the spaces between my bones. i don't know (nor do i wish to) if you were still alive or if you had already had a taste of sunset.

it's a little funny. you had promised me we'd go to the lake that day. just you and i. you had gotten a job the week before and you wanted to celebrate with your favorite daughter. (i didn't have the heart to remind you i was your only daughter.)

and i want you to know i am holding you to that promise. when we meet again. in space. heaven. eternity. in whatever version of the afterlife we end up in. we'll go to the lake.

just you and i.
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
Words can't describe what I'm feeling now
I feel like I deserve pain
I want to slam my head into a wall
Hold my breath till I give in
Drown myself in the hotel pool

It's New Years Eve so why do I feel like breaking down and crying?

My family's all here so I shouldn't feel lonely
A new year is starting so I shouldn't feel like ****
I feel like I don't matter
       I'm a nobody
What would happen if I took my life tonight?
Would 2016 miss me at all?

I wonder and I wonder
About you
         About life
                  About death
About how much you mean to me
About what I mean to you
Do I really mean a whole lot?
**** **** ****
I need something to clear my head

I want things to change
Not between us
But I just want my feelings to change
I don't want to feel lonely
I don't want to feel depressed
I want to feel like I matter again
Not trapped inside a school of fish
I feel like a tear drop in a vast ocean
So if I go, what difference will it make?

Why the hell am I thinking this way?
My life isn't ending
And I'm not going to end it
I'm shaking from my thoughts right now
My mind is scaring me
Why do you have to be so ******* perfect?
I love you but I know it's not enough
Nothing will make you mine
She's yours and you're hers
And I can't say a word about it
Why the **** can't I just have you?
I'd be the best friend, husband, father, soulmate that anyone could give
I'd be the best for you
And there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind about that
I'd give you my heart, my soul, my being
I'd give you my all, my everything
If you could just be mine
But I know that that option is out the window
We've scrapped it, shredded it, thrown it in the fire
Made a deal from a TV show that I know will never happen
Just to give me the false security
The false belief that I have a chance
**** my life
        **** my feelings
                **** my mind
                        **** **** ****

My eyes feel dry but I want them to be leaking
I want my tears to stain the walls
        And the bed
                And the carpet
                        And everything around me
I want to drown in my tears
Flood the world with my emotions
No ark will be able to withstand this hurricane

This is the worst New Years I've ever experienced
But I have a resolution:
Be a better friend
Become closer to you
Stop the suffering
Stop suffering
Stop

Breath in...Breath out
Everything will be okay
Jack Kerouac has told me so
These feelings will come and go
And my happiness will grow and grow
And my demeanor will surely show
That I'm a warrior
I've made it through the dark
This black moment in my life
This hell
Soon there will be no more suffering
But for now
I
       Will
                   Suffer
My mind was in a dark place on New Years Eve
Michelle Jan 2016
Midnight.
Both an end and a beginning,
More of a transition...
The tension of the countdown,
The thrill of the cheer.
The champagne,
the kisses with near and dear.
A rainbow of measures,
one after another,
drop after drop.
The night carries on,
song after song.
The clock strikes
as does a glimmer of hope.
For a second the promise
that this year will be better.
We swayed in the streetlights,
the moonlight,
the club,
And we sang
with the busker
who played only for us.
The truth is this year
will be the same as the last,
But blink and you'll miss it
and it'll soon be the past.
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