Do you remember the sunset
When we were sprawled across
The wooden beach furniture
You held me, kissed my head
Whispered into my ear
"Lets have *** on the beach"
I smiled into your kiss
He wondered months later why
I cried every night of vacation
But, he doesn't know you and me
Spent our last night in love
Toes in the sand and a joint
Passed back and forth
You couldn't stop touching me
Every part of me, inside of me
Turning my stomach into knots
I melted for you
How can I tell him that the
Ocean will always be ours
You left a week after we drove
Back in the dark
The sea salt smell fading
You stopped looking at me
With stars in your eyes
So, yeah I cry when I see the
Sunset over pale sand
And I can't tell him why

I miss him.

I miss looking into his kind eyes.
I miss hugging him, his arms shielding me
and picking me up into the sky like angels wings.

I miss how his lips would caress mine,
spelling out riddles of our love.

I miss feeling his light within me,
and having it illuminate the way and guide me.


The light has become so dim,
I can only see a couple steps ahead of me.
I feel blind,
the answer could be right in front of me but I just dont see it.

The light is almost out.

I’d slit my arms open for you
Let the blood soak the wood
Watch it spread like you did
When you were sleepy and
My bed was just too comfy

Every drop of blood I have
I’ll pour in glasses across the
Counter-tops you used to kiss
Me on top of at seven a.m.

I don’t need the pumping in
My chest if you are not here to
Hear it beat against your temples
In the middle of the night
When I’m sick and you don’t sleep
To check my fever every hour

What’s the point in blood if my
Heart is still in the backseat
Of your car, next to the shoes
I forgot to get after the beach

If it would bring you back
I would deal with the cold of
Uncirculated skin and freezing
Lungs holding their breathe until
You say you love me again

Fill your limbs with my bleeding
Take it all and warm your
Mind with the feeling of me
Back in your arms, through all my
Essence I don’t need without you

When I write to you,
I imagine you are laying in my bed
reading over my shoulder
I think that maybe you would be
sad to know how hard my life can be
You would rub my arm
Proclaiming "How dare she talk to you like that"
Or "You're better than that new boy"
Sometimes you apologize for hurting me
Or sit in silent solidarity for the hole in my chest  
Today I watched the you that is never actually here
count my veins and arteries perfectly arranged on the floor
Turned to me "Why do you hate me?"
I told you I could never
You hold the vein that belongs in my hip
"This is where you loved me, where my thumb fits,
where I held you"
The vein is empty
I ask what you expected, you left me months ago
Your eyes make me want to apologize
I ask if you still love me
But, you are always gone before I get an answer

The clothes on her floor are always covered in regrets
Maybe that's why she walks over them when she flops into bed

The ones that smell like heartbreak are unfolded in the bottom drawer
She sleeps in them, the scents fueling her dreams

A pile of his shirts that look like him and smell like home
Sleep next to her like a missing person

When I visit, I borrow the hanging dresses that remind her of happy she will never feel again
They feel like her skin is on mine

I listen as she cries about  missing him
I tell her about how much I love her only when she sleeps

you told me once
that i absentmindedly
wrap my hands around
you when you change.

like an instinct to hold
you. it makes sense
now that you slipped
out of my grasp so
easily.

my mind, my hands
knew something
before i did.

that you would leave
and never come back.

i miss the feeling of
wrapping my hands
around you the most.

Oh you know I keep on runnin
And my heart it can’t stop thumpin
I just can’t stop

We’ve got all of these issues
Baby gets some tissues
I have to say a lot

Forgive me for the blatancy
But I could use some urgency
When I say I miss you
I mean for you to run

Give me your best
I’ll forget the rest
All these days they fly
So tell me why

I lost you a long time ago
You don’t love me like you did
Next to you I feel alone
But our house is still my home

Kiss me like you mean it
Love me I have seen it
When it’s good and it’s good
Now it’s bad so let’s go back

Your mom bought
me a gift at the beach
She asked me to go
shopping with her
and your sister
Instead we went back and
i put on a pretty dress
We took the family car
and found the best burgers
on the island
The juice dripping down our
chins made us laugh
You took pictures of me
next to the palm trees
The wallet your mom bought
still hangs from my keys
And the pictures with the palm
trees are still my best smile pictures
And the memory of the
juice on your face
is still my favorite
But the last time i wore
that pretty blue dress
was the day you left