Our last Christmas as a family
the day I'll always reminisce
they robbed you of your innocence
there's so many things i always miss

Our last Christmas as a family
before the drugs took you away
I saw the way you smiled
I wish i had screamed at you and said

Our last Christmas as a family
was the best we will ever get
as i know your still abusing
you're too difficult to forget

Our last Christmas as a family
i saw the look inside your eyes
i saw the future of the pain
they had already taken over your life

Our last Christmas as a family
i held you in my arms tight
for if you knew the pain i was in
would you have put up a harder fight?

im missing
from my own
existence

🐭🧀

I am a mouse tempted by scent of cheese,

                                                        ­      I am a little lever,
                                                    by wightish weight released.

                                                                     I am the
                                                          daring
                                             domino,

         Tip me over and off I go,

Tapping-time-toppling
                                        just as mapped,

                                                       Chain reactions
                                                                ­               crashing
                                                                ­                          choreographed.

                                                 ­               I am the ball bearing on its
                                                                ­                                     tilted track,

                                                         ­            Precariously poised
                                                                ­    awaiting that last flat

                                                               ­               CRACK!

                                                       ­    Startling astart at starting gun,

Gravity-well-willing I wobbly-spin-roll-run,

                                          ­                Back and forth I wander like a top,

Dizzily confused when off the end I
                                                                ­     plop.

                                                  It's alright, everyone, I'm okay,

This cup was here to catch me...              luckily.

                                                  Ah, I'm the cup too, of course,

                                      Rattling 'round rampant without remorse.

                              It's not a problem, I've already served my purpose,

                                  Ball-bearing-brained, I was useful for impetus.

                                  Downward-driven delivering incidental dues,

                         I am now the toy robot set off on a cruise,

               Wheels turning, less one brain (lest I hurt myself)

        Wound-up tight only to travel the length of a shelf.

Gears ground, I spark-stumble-halt,

      I've kicked the bucket, but it's nobodies fault:

                I'm also the water cascading through air,

                                                           ­   Splashing happily,
                                                        but predictably,
                                                   to be fair.

                            Sloppily graceful I stick the landing,

Releasing the cage, design-demanding.

                      Mouse
                       lever
                     domino
                        ball
                        cup
 ­                      robot
                      water
                       cage

I might even be the little mouses tiny outrage.

It seems I was all the pieces of the trap I set,

Honestly, everything fits just fine, except:

We seem to be missing one of the architects.

I’ll kiss whoever I’m with tonight
to take you off of my mind.
It’s not the first time
that I’m fighting to keep you out,
but I don't wanna close my eyes.
In the dark you’re all that I see.
He’s laying in my bed but I'm staring at the ceiling, reminiscing you.

I’ll make out with three strangers tonight.
None of them will make it back to my room
but if they did it still wouldn’t matter,
I just don't wanna be alone at times.
Need to feel someone else on me,
so I can stop feeling you,
so I can forget you.

Cause I’d run to you
even if you were just a mirage.
And I’d follow you,
Through a desert.
Through a blizzard.
Through the eye of a hurricane.
I’d run to you!

and it’s been six months,
we still haven't talked.
I don't know anything!
I miss being your everything.
Tonight I’m all alone,
no one touching me, I’m on my own.
I tried the hook-up thing but couldn’t keep pretending.
When I look in their eyes I just see yours, blue and green.
Where did you go?
Why’d you stop loving me?

It doesn’t matter
If I never get an answer.
If you hit me up one day
I’ll still remember your voice,
but I’ll also remember
how pathetic you made me feel.
Alone even when we were together,
looking back is bittersweet.
Fond memories and love,
welled up fears and disappointment.
I’ll always remember you, love.
But I won’t go running back,
even if I want to,
I won’t go running back.

but I hope that you do
I hope you’d run back to me too.

Sitting in the dark just gives me visions of you
No matter either way the wall is built
No matter the covering
No matter the adversity
Take me into your simple arms
Your sinful arms
Return me
Release me

Something is missing
since a long ago.
When I remembered
before me, I could not
see my mirror.

I pull the curtains over tight so the
sticky light will not let in the morning.
I miss waking up in Europe with the
strange European light coming in pouring
in the narrow windows of Dutch Tower
houses or busy Berlin apartment
streets with kebabs cooking and kids crying
the stillness of frosty Dublin suburbs
in the winters and the bite of the air
on bare cheeks and knuckles and the eerie
sound of invisible birds and clock towers belling on Sundays resonating in the crystal air.

And I start thinking about all the things I never did which is sometimes worse than thinking about all the things I have done

I feel hopeless thinking of you.
you just quit trying.
you just quit me.
and for what?
for what?
I don't even know.
And I hope I never will.

Just the autumn rains

and these old headlines: no more –


visits from my love.