your spark was so deep, intense and warm
you defied the gods and gave me your fire
I had wandered through frozen wilderness
couldn't remember feeling heat against ice heart
I melted, held to your words and arms
didn't even consider that I could get hurt
your body gets used to always feeling cold
but the fire restored feeling in every finger tip
skin against skin where you healed my frostbite
so of course, when you left and the cold set in again
I felt the sharp curse of a million needles piercing me

your spark was so deep, intense and warm
that I never noticed when everything burned down
creating another frozen wasteland to navigate
the difference is now I remember that fire exists
even if I don't have a paper map to find you
or enough dry wood to hold a flame of my own
with the memory of you, I can recreate a fire
for the next person who has lost their light or spark

I'll bury all my secrets in my skin,
come away with innocence
but bleed my truthful sins.
the world around me feels like
a tight cage
and "I love you", is just a camouflage
for your next episode of rage.

If you do love me, let me go
I'll probably run away before I truly know
my heart is too black to care,
is it destroyed if it was never really there?

I'll find my penance, delivered to my true state
if I'm alone I have no one to hate,
but myself.

My love was banished long ago,
if you still care don't ever let me know.

Angels will lie to keep control
making over heaven like some paradise we all want to go
dead trees are painted white
and she calls them beauty, art.

My selfish thoughts colour my life
and I call that my heart.

If I had to fix myself I don't know where I'd start
But I suppose,
I'd cut each limb to the bone
and tear my entire self apart.

poetry is masochism
seeing the cataclysm
both inside and around
and for every fresh wound
every word you've stabbed
poetry is picking at your scab
rather than letting it heal
watching how each layer peels
poetry is getting hurt
using your voice to assert
by showing your cuts
scars, bruises, guts
to everyone in the world
letting your emotions unfurl
poetry is being carved
feeding others when you're starved
being open and true
words for others to turn to
let them rip out your beauty
aesthetics becomes duty

no one can fathom
their mercurial will
no one can know
what life will fulfill

I've tempted fate
I live on borrowed time
because I've met you
I've experienced the sublime

when Lachesis cuts
woven threads of my life
I'll look back on moments
of happiness and strife

my life's constance is love
your smile is my bliss
while I'm still alive
your happiness is my wish

bleed from finger tips
pressed into plastic keys
repeat routine regularly
until wrunged and wrinkled
some of us are just built wrong
you hear yourself say out loud
dream of escape to Aokigahara
where the trees whisper your name
and even darkness is palpable
you can taste it on your lips
the hemlock firs surrounding
dirt and parsnips on your tongue
your skin itches and you are
wildly uncomfortable in the vessel
sleep now, the forest demands

You know how I made you beautiful
Because I loved you?
Well, I've removed the filter
Now you're just meh.

they are old friends of mine
self doubt, self hatred, self destruction
their black gaping eyes
look at me knowingly
their bodies vibrate and pulse like anxiety
blood pours from their mouths when they speak
they whisper quietly that I'll never be good enough
I can't make myself happy, they remind me
how could I ever make anyone else happy?
they smile and show sets of teeth between red
entering uninvited, late at night
screaming obscenities and mocking me
demanding my time and energy
reminding me of all my shortcomings and failures
moments in my life that I was not enough (or too much)
and every moment coming, with premonition
I seat them into my home
though my consent has never been a requirement
they drip and ooze into the carpet
leaving thickened black sludge
and back handed compliments
identifying my worth based on shouldn'ts and didn'ts
         welcome, I tell them
though I don't want them here
         stay as long as you need to
I barely mouth the sounds of a silent cry
they expand and fill the room
until I can no longer breathe and they crush me
underneath their weight, and remind me I did this
to myself -- I welcomed them in, after all
I created them, I brought them here, and they are
mine

I see the sun falling down.
It reminds me of you now.
Of me and you.

Always far apart.
Trying to find your heart.
We chase each other, endlessly.
Still, you are always out of reach.

I see you.
I know you see me.
And yet our fingers don't intertwine.
Yet my hands aren't around you till we die...

Oh how beautiful are those times!
When you were in front of me.
The distance between us dwindled.
The time when you were in front of me.
When you were away from that Earth of yours.

But soon after, you leave again.
Pulled by the centre of gravity again.
We had time to spare.
But it seems that fate didn't care.

Still today we run and run.
Chasing each other's heart.
I await for a day...where I can finally meet you at the same side of the Earth.
Where finally we could see face to face.
Where we can be together forever,
to never leave again...