drag my helpless body down the hallway
where it is dark and hidden from everyone,
a place too eerie that ghosts yearn to dwell and linger
—my purpose is quite the same after all.

compelled to conceal myself in the shadows,
sublimating to an unnoticeable presence
like speck of dust upon a quaint furniture
that no matter how meticulous and kind
the hands that care for me,
i cannot be wiped clean.

a miniscule of being that i am
only has a slight chance to be found.
to be known.

Lasting love has eluded me
Loneliness still consumes

No matter what I do
or the difference that I make

The hole inside me
grows bigger with time

Why can’t I shake it
Why can’t I be fine

What’s the matter that I can’t
just love only myself and
embrace my time alone

I can’t explain it
I’ve tried so very hard
to chart a new path

Extrovert, fun, life of the party they say
If only they knew the bleakness inside

I hurt from the trauma,
the heartbreak and loss I’ve endured

I’ve never felt good enough
for this world I inhabit
Maybe the next one will
be more my jam

This lone life is just not for me
I hang on for others
So that they won’t be sad

But in time I will be ready
To do what I feel is in my grand plan

If I finally find a single fact I’m sure of.

Before my time is up and my mind fully spent.

I’ll cling to it.

Dig my nails into it.

Till it or I break; ****** and bruised

And I'll work for it,

Till my knees buckle and my back bends from straining.

I'll sweat for it.

Lose my breath for it.

Till Death yanks me away from it.

Till then.

I'll have to make do.

I'll search for it.

I didn’t understand emotions,
I thought
They were foreign to me,
Unknown,
Unfeeling,
Unaware.

But now I realise
Inside of me,
All tumbled up in knots,
Lie
Anger,
Sadness,
Loneliness.

It’s the lighter emotions
I don’t recognise,
Joy,
Love,
Happiness.

For there’s always someone
Ready to stab you in the back,
Lie to you to get what they want,
Bring you down,
Kick you,
Till you’re broken,
And bereft.

Sadness had taken my Hands
and refused to let them Go.
Loneliness held My speech
and My Words had stopped to Flow.
Her Love turned out to be like Water
and it helped Me Quench My Thirst.
She gave Me a Hope for living
and saved My Life from the Worst.
She turned out to be the Moon,
in a Universe full of Stars
and When She touched My Wounds,
they vanished along with My Scars.
My Heart became a bit Stronger,
When Her Love touched My Shore.
Like the Stars it began to Sparkle,
When She loved it all the More.

I do foolish things
when I’m blue
when I’m sad
and missing you
I do foolish things

like dancing all night
foolish things
drinking everything in sight
foolish things
shopping til I drop
foolish things
somehow I cannot stop

doing foolish things
when I’m blue
when I’m sad
and missing you
I do foolish things

watching ‘parks & rec’ all night
foolish things
drinking coffee until daylight
foolish things
dragging friends on crazy romps
foolish things
somehow I cannot stop

doing foolish things
when I’m blue
when I’m sad
and missing you
I do foolish things

acting like spring breakers
foolish things
*****-dirping strangers
foolish things
acting like some whack-job
foolish things
but somehow I cannot stop

doing foolish things
when I’m blue
when I’m sad
and missing you
I do foolish things

making badong decisions
foolish things
I’m in an awkweird position
foolish things
I’ve begun precrastinating
foolish things
a change is indicated

so come back soon
cause when you do
there are foolish things
I want to do with you
foolish things
foolish things
crazy foolish things
foolish things

If there's one thing I know,
It's that friends come go..