I'm not going to sleep
because so far talking to you has been the best part of my day
and if i sleep now
tomorrow will be here quicker.

Laying here,
5:08,
I can't believe it's so late.
On my phone,
Once again,
I can't believe this might end.

My life is in pieces,
I'm spiraling,
Attempting to create,
Something inspiring.
But how can I focus when I can barely breathe.
My eyes slowly shutting,
I haven't brushed my teeth.
So I stand up and go.
No sleep for me.

Soon I find that it's 8,
and my day has begun.

I am wide awake.
I am tired.
And my eyes do not want to be open.
They are old.
They have seen too much,
For today.
They are tired.
I am tired
Of this.
Wide awake
At 4:00am
Jazz on the brain.
Right now
I could dance until my skirts ripped to shreds
On knee high grass, and ticks crawled up my legs
I could dance in that,
And not care about ticks and scraped up shins or
How bad I am at dancing
But I'm too tired.
So instead of twisting myself into somewhere new
My jazz brain
Plays on an empty room
Elevator ******* skull.
Too tired to do anything more than echo
My jazz.
But I'm wide awake!
And I want to use it.
But it's no use against such heavy
Blankets and air and silence and space and brain
And I know I would care about the ticks
And it would hurt, to bleed all over that prickly field
And I would care.
Since imagery doesn't feel the same
Never feels the same
As real world nettles.
So instead of dancing.
I am writing a poem.
And my brain is on jazz
Like fire.
And I am wide awake.
But I am so
So
Tired.

I know this is late,
but I just wanted
to say Happy Birthday.
I hope you had a great day.
Thank you for being
a great friend.
I can't wait to see
you grow more.
I love you!

Normal people Talk
Normal people smile
Normal people get angry
Normal people are happy
Normal people feel sad
Normal people get jealous
Normal people feel lonely
Normal people cry
Normal people get stupid
Normal people fall in love
Normal people care
Normal people wait
Normal people think
Normal people question
Normal people answer
Normal people get fed up
Normal people die.................................

The deepest cut
is the first
then the one that follows
I find that I am tired
as my essence puddles out
crimson tears form in the well
and become a weeping waterfall
of wasted life and battered choices
I want to take it back---
but the redness of me,
breaks free
seeking to be exposed to the outside
and remain uncaged from weakness.

It was 12:30 and if you'd believe it...this was early for me
I try to acknowledge these small victories
Hardly an epiphany it seems, but maybe it was for me
but as I sip this coffee made lukewarm by thoughts and reflections becoming the sunlight through the window illuminating a different spot on the floor, I know I must acknowledge it
The taste is more bitter than that first sip and it makes me question if this is really about taste
With each stretching step, I look for something new to set my sights on and make this worthwhile
Loading memories of adventure and friends and brighter days as a habit
and then scolding myself for not being here right now
Though I breathe deeply and take faith
I've made it through, more so I realize
I like myself and
I might as well