(13 years ago,
after coma...)

People said that I'm back to life.
But I know that I'm not really back to life...  
A half of my soul is still somewhere
between the door of life and death until now.
It exists beyond time and place,
to create the connection between two worlds,
to bring the message from the past, present, and future,
to be the mirror that reflect all the energy,
to feel the hidden colour in every substance,
and to reveal some secrets of the universe.

Some people call me crazy or a liar because of that
Some other people start to annoy me
by treating me like a psychic
and ask many things about their future.
But, I'm not a psychic
that can give people the tarot card reading or prophecy
or telling about their destiny
whenever they want, by order.
I can't control when and what messages I will get by touching things
I can't control when and what colour I will see in you.

No, I'm not a psychic.
I'm just a "dimension traveler"
I'm the half soul that travels free
with the universe,
while my other half soul is waiting on the earth,
to receive the all travel reports
and to share the news and wisdom from the sky.
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

I'm here,
surrounded by many people,
making new friends,
opening my heart
to welcome a new love.
A vivid life seems to be!

But deep inside,
I'm just a leaf,
that fell to the ground,
and desperately hoping the wind
to fly me to the star...

Then the paradoxical thoughts
start playing in my mind.
The leaf is here, but it is not... .
Loving the star,
but it cannot be loved...
Smile is always
covering the emptiness...
Because the star
is a way too far to reach.
What a lonely leaf!
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

"I'm an abstract painting.
Some people
will easily judge me
as nothing
but an ugly painting.
Some people
will like the colors
or the composition
of me.
Some people
will praise the painter
for creating a piece of art.
But only a true artist
will understand
that in every stroke,
I'm telling you
only the truth
about a journey
of the soul" .
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

There was a time
when I blocked my face
with two palms,
only to avoid seeing the world.
But the two palms can only block
the world in my eyes,
not the world in my heart.
The world in my heart
is always too big
to be blocked by the palms.
Especially when there is you in it.

You...
smiling and offering the love
that reminds me
to the most delicious
Korean persimmons
in Autumn season.

(Now I start to feel that without you,
Seoul is nothing but an empty city,
and the world is nothing but an empty place).

-Kanya Puspokusumo-
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

Autumn.
The leaves are turning
brown and gold
Then fall.

Autumn.
It's about leaves and trees
Leaves leave trees
Trees are left. Naked.

But autumn
is more than the story
about 'leaving' and 'being left'.

Autumn
is the story about the trees
that is never worry
of being left by the leaves.

Autumn
is the story about the trees
that is never afraid
of letting go all things,
and being happy afterwards.

Because the trees know
there will always be
the new and better leaves
grow on them in spring.

And being left is actually a way
to a better coming...

-Kanya Puspokusumo-
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com .

I asked the earth in one sunny day,
“Can you tell me which path should be my way?”
The earth smiled at me, but said nothing,
Then left me alone, wondering.

I asked a star in the sky,
“Please tell me the path that can give me the light.
The star smiled at me, but said nothing.
And just like the earth,
It left me alone, questioning.

I walked around thousand forests
and searched for the magic words to reveal the path,
But the magic words were hidden behind the stone,
I was again completely left alone.

I don’t know why my questions were not answered,
I don't see why the magic words were hidden behind the stone,
I just start feeling shattered,
For there’s no way out to be shown.

Later in the mirror, I saw the shadow of a child
With a lantern in her hand
That shines brighter than the sun
“Do you want to know the answer?” asked the child
“Yes!” I answered like a sailor miss his homeland
“Come with me, then. It will be fun!”

Then, I go with the child with a lantern in her hand
That shines brighter than the sun,
Taking journey with unexplainable end.

“Who are you?” After a mile I asked the child
"Who do you think I am?"
"A shadow of angel?"
“No. I’m curiosity.
Curiosity is like a child who never stop learning about how to live without fear, even though the life gives you so many scars.
Curiosity is like a child who always thinks that the world will always be the fun place to live.
Curiosity never complains about the unfair world.  
With all the qualities, curiosity is the only thing that can lead you to the path you want.
I’m curiosity. I'm the shadow of you.
I’m in you, waiting to be dug.
Because finding the path you want is actually a matter of how curious you are in digging all the treasures.
It is only you who can do it.
No one else. Nothing else,” the child answered.

Then, I take the lantern
from the child's hand;
the lantern that shines brighter than the sun,
and start walking on the path I want…

-Kanya Puspokusumo, 2017
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

Sometimes,
I can hear your heart
calling me
with love and passion,
calling my heart that is so vulnerable;
a heart that is so long
for being loved,
but yet too afraid of
being hurt and betrayed.

Sometimes,
I can hear your heart
calling me
with the love that can make
the earth and the sky
conspire to grow the flowers
on the forgotten garden.

I can hear your heart
calling me.
Clearly.
And the same love and passion
are already vividly here, by the way.
But my vulnerable heart
still doesn't have enough courage
to answer your call...
-Kanya Puspokusumo-