poetry is so ******* gay
write about stupid **** no one cares about
i must be a ****** because i always write passages
**** those butterflies
cut off its wings
earings
earwings
emotions just a waste of chemical signals
neutralize my brain chemistry for joy atm

I sit here....
I      sit      here...
I                 sit               here...
Procrastinating
p
   r
     o
       c
         r
           a
             s
               t
                 i
                   n
                     a
                       t
                         i
                           n
                              g
until one day, I................................................................­.......................die
having done absolutely  N.   O.    T.    H.    I.    N.   G.
and I regret <dfihbadflhbfihrefbiuwfiuhfihifiufiwief> everything.






Wasting
Every
Minute

As summer fades
Fall has begun
Our once bright days
Now setting Sun
Uncertain what the future holds
Just know that I am getting old
For youth one does not get to keep
Through window blinds of life I peek
A path that's been filled with mistakes
I've walked alone but chose to take
My baggage with me where I went
Much money earned; much money spent
An epic track that seemed to reach
Earth's corners as I search and seek
For happiness with love and joy
These things I lost when just a boy
Were taken; someone stole from me
No safe to crack; there was no key
Defenses were not set in place
A child who had yet to face
Like Adam when bereft of sin
Attack that had struck from within
Where body fully left in tact
A shattered mind you won't get back
And over shoulders look for pieces
Equaled grains of sand on beaches
Traveled much, went far and wide
Blind to the circles spun inside
If challenges aren't met and faced
One can't expect to win a race
In life, with loss comes also gain
For cost brings lessons for our brain
All adding up to wisdom learned
So as time goes we can discern
This is the trade for youth with age
In our "life book" we write a page
Our bodies start becoming meek
Does not mean outlook that is bleak
As faculties get old and fail
Some ways our vessel is a jail
The footsteps made are less and less
But minds expand an endless breadth
A question though of great concern
is, What if someone never learns?
They pay the price; accept the cost
But in return there's only loss
There's no trade off or benefit
An idiot who is a twit
You'd almost feel some sympathy
For one pathetic and who's weak
Unless of course you realize
The suit he wears; tried on for size
No twisted arms; he was not fooled
All info given; went to school
Just sat and stared off into space
So much potential he would waste
Break-even point, where are you at?
Is it still forward or way back
There comes a point, true with all things
Sometimes it hurts the heart and stings
We realize the end has come
There's nothing more that can be done
All effort from here on, a waste
The money spent is better saved
Don't think of it as giving up
More simply that one's time is up
Life is a journey that's for sure
But may be one that is endured
Instead of riding off in glory
Constantly are saying "sorry"
Trying to right each mistake
There is no life; an endless chase
A dog who tries to catch his tail
A nonstop game of "try-and-fail"
You ask "Why should I even try?"
Pathetic tears to say 'goodbye'
I have one choice that I can make
That will erase all my mistakes
If I'm not here I can't ***** up
Forget "half-empty", there's no cup
The disappointment and the shame
No longer need to play that game
Sure people might feel bad at first
But don't forget; somehow subvert
In closing I can finally be
What all expected me to be
A hero or a champ who "wins"
Not loser who just fails and sins
So tears don't cry (and you may not)
I'd say that I had fought the fought
But you know that is one more lie
Don't need to add; just say 'goodbye'

I will keep trying
I don't know why i am
I forgive myself
I guess

The tenderness of a reddened cheek;
The softness of puffy eyes.
The bitterness of a mind bereft of sleep;
The emptiness of forlorn skies.

A caress, gentle and sweet;
A teardrop, as it slides.
Kneeling at love’s feet,
Even though love lies.

Honest, to the point of self-sabotage.
The protégé of wild predecessors,
Those who see through the mirage.
Emotionally combustible;
Violently vulnerable.

The beautiful, passionate side of humanity -
The irrational point past this side of sanity.
The raw, tearful embrace;
The clenched jaw as voices shake.
Getting kissed all over your face.
Goodbyes, like falls from grace.

Fragile, scared, and susceptible to feelings.
Strike me with arduous candor,
Raise wolfish cries to the ceiling.
Whenever I feel like this,
I feel like I fully understand the idiom:
‘Deer in headlights.’

And yet, paradoxically, the moth flies towards the flame!
Quizzically, we reach into the fire,
And expect the heat to take the blame.

I’ve been taught that emotions are by-products;
Excessive excrement of the soul,
Ill-fitting of those of sober and good conduct.

Sometimes, I feel like I can’t cry anymore.
I feel like looking to the sky for answers means nothing,
Like God’s skiving off his chores,
Like he ran to his room, and just slammed the door.

You reminded me it’s okay to cry;
To run tear ducts dry first,
And then later figure out why.
I will always owe you a debt of gratitude;
I wish I could bestow you with love of a fitting magnitude.
In the mean time,
I’ll relish your inquisitive eyes,
I’ll crave hearing your ‘what’s wrong?’
Like a golden-era relic from better times,
Like one of those eternal songs -
You are divinity,
And you don’t even know it.