34... ******...homeless... $0....
The rich moch me
No home of my own
Driving a beater
The poor cant cure me
My people die an died broke
I have 0 friends 20 pills a day for years
One wrong step = mental ward
No lock on my door
I am imprisoned in a paradax/matrix
People want me dead or in jail
Ive never felt safe
Cant even afford food
Teeth pain an all
My entire lifes a lie
My only escape is beer
Im only happy when smoking
I die so young
Im disease ridden
A loser
Worth noones time
Goodbye

As a priest one serves

in the churches in the hell --


of confessionals.

I wish I could burn those years away,
And watch the memories disappear between the flames
Whispers of that hell go up in smoke,
I cover up my ears, lest thoughts provoke

all the voices in my head
never shut up
they tell me I should be dead
i believe them, im ****** up
i watched my parents fight a lot as a kid
they got a divorce after i grew up
i thought itd break me but im glad they did.
i think i’ll always be depressed
its been years i felt like this
i smoke **** to give me happiness.
my brother tried to **** himself twice
I want to die too
but he survived so i guess so should i.
still every day i cry.
i sound like a loser
i look at old pictures of myself as a kid
i dont recognize her, i guess i did lose her.
not sure where to go from here
all my friends and i moved away
we dont talk anymore besides the occasional “hey”
no one knows me anymore
nothing in my current life is like what i knew before.
the place i live is not my home
the people i know are temporary fixes
to the empty holes that my emotions burn through my heart.
i wish i could bleed
but i dont want to get put on mental health leave
so my skins stays uncut and i stay silent.
all this pain i keep quiet.
i starve myself as an outlet
it gives me control over myself
since my emotions are reigned by hell.

Hell rises on the back of a Hell-razor,
bursting through the skin of flowers.
I have long-since given up the dry shave of the cold edge INSTEAD opting for an electric experience...
buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
... like a band reaching lightspeed. Their infinite galloping spread across a night sky the size of an operating table for all the nice guys and doctors to see.
SEND 'EM ALL TO SEA, along with the electric razor and me.

"If you need peace I'd give you to paradise, don't touch the die hell is a home of chaos! Heaven or hell choice is yours!

-C9fm

Love you left be broken on the floor
Left me dead heart was ripped out
How many times have a said
I'm done please let me out
Had me chained from the neck
On the floor to the waist down
Your love held me down

I can't tell if your love was supposed to send me to heaven
Or if it was supposed to put me thru hell
But in the end it doesn't matter
Because even though I'm in heaven my hearts in hell
My hearts been broken but you can't tell

You can never tell that I'm going thru hell
You can never tell that I'm well
You can never tell a no one that there some one
Cuz look at me
I thought I was a someone even though I was a no one
Then they took my heart then I turned so far beyond numb
Now I feel less than no one even though I'm someone
But it doesn't matter even though we all matter
Yea were all made of matter
But it doesn't mean we feel that we all matter.

my favourite description of love
comes from a curt confession from bukowski:
"love is a dog from hell".

what more does one want to know?
if one has felt love,
and i mean,
really felt it;
suffered for it;
felt the brunt of despair;
known the sleepless nights;
the restless nights;
the doubt;
the belief;
the constant flip flop
between the two;
between heartbreak and happiness;
the will to endure all sadness;
the knowledge that such strength
will only bring about sadness;
the horror of seeing in real time
love end
from the eyes of another;
to have been crushed by a weight
which could leave you without air
for years
and yet oddly
still have the presence of mind
to look back on it with tenderness;
to know that lust and love
are entirely separate;
and one needs only a memory
to keep the embers alive.

then i believe
a dog from hell
sums it up rather nicely.