I am sitting on a bench full of kids my age. My gaze dances over unfamiliar faces. Everything around me is moving so fast. But I am sitting calmly. I am looking around at everything. My gaze passes over the face of a girl with long black hair braided into a braid. I don’t know her name. I don’t care.

I am sitting in school. The teachers are playing a game with us. We are sitting at a table. We are playing with kids from another class. And she is there. The girl with black hair in a braid. Now I know her name. Rebeca. She is loud and having fun. I don’t like her.

This is my third year in school. Kids from other classes have joined ours. And she joined too. I am angry. I can’t stand her.

A few months have passed. Rebeca is pretty cool. She is nice and fun. I think I want to be her friend. I’m glad we’re in the same class.

I am friends with Rebeca. I love how she always makes me laugh. I love the teeth she’s always showing when she laughs. We spend our breaks together. We go out to the playground together. I like her.

Rebeca slept over at my house. It was one of the best nights of my life. We laughed together until we couldn’t breathe. Rebeca is my best friend.

I had a party for my 10th birthday. I invited my friends. I invited Rebeca too. It was fun. I am very happy to have a friend like her. I hope we will always stay friends.

I invited Rebeca to my house after school, like always. She said she might come. So I waited for her. She didn’t come.

Rebeca doesn’t really want to play with me anymore. Sometimes I go up to her at school, but she’s not interested in talking to me. I miss her.

I watched Rebeca in our classroom as she talked with other girls. They are more mature than I am. But Rebeca has changed. She wears makeup. She cut off her beautiful long black hair that she always used to wear in a braid. I wish she were like she was before.

I had a party for my 11th birthday. I invited my friends. It was fun. I really enjoyed it. I didn’t invite Rebeca.

I watch Rebeca in class during break. She’s having fun. She shows her white teeth when she laughs. I want to laugh too. But I haven’t talked to Rebeca in a few months. I watch her play and mess around with the boys in our class. She puts on makeup with other girls in our class. She swears and smiles weirdly at the boys. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t swear. I don’t hang out with boys. Rebeca gets on my nerves. I don’t like her.

Everything shut down because of the pandemic. Rebeca isn’t joining the online classes. Rebeca always used to try hard in class. I have no idea what happened to her. I don’t care what she’s doing.

I finally went back to school after the pandemic. I saw Rebeca. She had a lot of makeup on. She had a piercing on her nose. She wasn’t showing her beautiful white teeth when she smiled anymore. She wasn’t smiling. Her hair had changed. Her beautiful black hair that used to go down to her **** barely reached her ears now. I almost didn’t recognize her.

During class, I was talking with a friend. We were laughing. Rebeca told me, “shut up!” She was frowning. I am afraid of Rebeca.

I left our school a year earlier because I went to a different school. I like my new school. I have friends here. I haven’t even thought about Rebeca.

I heard that Rebeca didn’t get into any high school. I know she’s smart because she used to do really well in school. I feel sorry for her.

I came to my old class’s school farewell. Rebeca was there. I saw her smile. I saw her beautiful white teeth. And suddenly, she looked just like the Rebeca I talked to five years ago. I wanted to go up to her, but I was scared. I decided to go home. I looked at Rebeca one last time, who was talking to other girls who were prettier than me. “Goodbye, Rebeca,” I said to myself and left.

I hope she remembers me sometime.

I mourn the person that is lost
The young mind i will never be again
But I know she is best
Encased in the coffin of time
No longer exposed to the harsh light of reality
Forever happy
Kept in the memories of the past

I love you very much.
I see tears running down
Though your eyes shine
And it seems you're forgetful.

Luck pulled you out of a hat...
Destiny took you by the hand
And Life smiled upon you
As Time waited graciously.

At 0 one sees the universe in the womb
From the stars above to the ancient tombs
Eating what mother finds best for us both
Everyone hasn't met you, yet you still bring hope

From 1 to 5, you learn to survive
Stay away from that stove! Don't run with that knife!
Mommy seems tired and daddy always plays
But just say the magical words and you'll always have your way

From 6 to 10, everything is sudden
You start school; you try to be cool
You're no longer allowed to get your clothes muddied
And you won't always need mommy when you go to the pool

From 11 to 12 you start fearing high school
Final years in primary, getting closer to your destiny
You start seeing crushes, as you drool
And wonder what's so cool about that word you learnt "******"


13, standalone, a bridge between know it all and human
Running around before the arcade closes to join your legion
Pimples all around, hair growth is profound
You seem a quiet kid, yet around crowds you become loud
Everybody judges you, and your crush won't play your games
You seem too deep into school, don't bunk? You must be lame!


14-16, From the bitter to the "sweet" 16
Depending who you ask, it's the best years of your life
Though many say that about your 20s
Missed an opportunity? There'll be plenty.
Comfortable being uncool, you're just a teen
You don't need others' opinions or their strife

17 to 18, from youth to young adult
You start hating your friend group, it's all their fault!
Why were you a blabbermouth? Keep your words in the vault!
Slow to speak to a crush, but overexposing like a bolt
Everyone already applied. Should I take a gap year?
Nobody is saying goodbye. Why am I in tears?

19. Might as well not even be a teen
Your back hurts, your spleen,
Uni said No, and college is pricy
I'm playing with my future. This is getting dicey.

20, never smoked, drank or kissed
Everything here seems amiss
College is for adults yet this feels like extended high school
Lecturers complain students flirt with them, students complain lecturers are on them
Who's lying? Who's right? Why does that one kid always wanna fight?

21, almost there, special year, conquering fears
Grandma died? I might have to repeat?
Passed the module but granny passed away
There's still so much I wanted to say
This isn't about me, I have to get payed
Too much is on the line. I'll get off my seat and wipe my tears
21! You're an adult now!


22-24, Graduated, got a job, I wouldn't know much about this field
Many say you grow into it, others say you never yield
Alcohol still tastes bitter, a high school crush keeps in contact?
Maybe I truly am better off. Lost friends and family, but I'm still intact


25, the frontal lobe developed
My ideas have finally enveloped
Many at this age are married, have kids, even grandkids
You sit at home, can't afford your own, you can't open the mayo jar's lid

It is amusing to consider that this is regarded as a quarter of your existence.
everything changed, and you stayed persistent
Birthdays don't matter anymore and you can do whatever
But you're old now? And can't chase childish endeavours.

Run it back. Where did we get lost?
How much would it cost to do it all over again?
To apologize and hug that friend
Tell that dead relative that you're sorry
Tell everyone your story
Live a little, once more

freakout. let’s all hide this from our parents together
i want so desperately to impress you, i want so hugely for you to like me
i love nirvana (as of this morning), but i’m not faking
i really do love Floyd the Barber (as of hearing it this morning)
Kurt Cobain died on the cross almost thirty years ago
he’d be fifty seven and I have a headache
this **** smells like that guy who gave me my guitar
my godfather (close enough), my childhood (ending rapidly)
and barbecues in the backyard
douse me in axe body spray and tell me it’s lynx
it is lynx, i’m the one who’s wrong
i feel real for the first time in years, and shorter than i thought
5”4 and sinking into the ground, so dance with me
let’s take our shoes off in the street
two songs, one movie, one podcast
all playing in the background, and we’re off every beat
I love nirvana (always have), I have a headache (always will)
I’m teetering between high and not
is this the kind of **** that makes you creative?
look at the little bag you brought, it has bats on it
it makes you so happy, look at you dancing
look at you on the driveway, in your Kurt Cobain sunnies
this is what he would have wanted

Have you seen me there
walking the halls filled with blue skies
and star showers
through waves of passing moments
holding your hand in mine
mimicking your smile?

Have you seen me
in the future we will live in
rushing past you
toward places that don't exist yet
in our shared conscience?

Have you seen us
meeting by chance
at a bar late at night
asking for a lighter
then looking up
to see your own eyes reflected
while easy smiles stumble in shock
and recognition?

Do I still exist
somewhere in you?

The title speaks it all so clearly, unlike I who slurs my words
To write down what a handful will see, but phrases never to be heard
From obligations to congratulations, it all starts to feel the same
How petty it is I blame everything, how I must feel ashamed

Things I said to prove a point
messages left on read I wish I never sent
The cold is blistering, so are my fingers
Tell me how you can forget yet for me it still lingers

People go on with their lives, wishing for the summer
While I sit hear wishing I didn't think everything was a ******
Its so easy to appreciate the little things in life
But so hard when you feel teardrops turning into ice

Everyone says to seek help, that it gets better as you grow
yet almost a decade later I have nothing to show
Spreading positivity, have no certainty
Of the people coming and going, who matters and who closes the curtain

Future careers, games, girls, what I fear
Further encapsulating that I barely feel like I am here
Stuck between adulthood and being a child
Stuck between a mild nature and a wild imagination

Stuck between what games to play, what role to play
Which school to pay and which job pays better
Payment is engraved in my mindset, my parents make sure of it
Little do they know I hate adult life and I am sick of it

Crushes like a giddy child, in this darned freezing weather
Is it sad I feel better alone, or I feel alone and barely any better?
How ironic my words contradict each other
but thats what we were to one each other

Am I just ranting over you, this existence, or the future?
Is this in general or has my heart finally ruptured?
This barely makes sense, and neither does this life
Play, work, pay then get a wife? Is this why samurai always held a short knife?

At fifteen, the reaper came, silent in the night,
Stealing me from youth's warm, calming delight.
****** into a world where heartbreak resides,
Where innocence withers and hope slowly dies.

No more laughter, just echoes of pain,
Sorrow's lament, a relentless refrain.
Gone are the dreams that once danced in our sight,
Replaced by storm clouds, obscuring the light.

Now, I linger by your grave,
With flowers wilted, their colors all grey.
I mourn the loss of innocence, the childhood's decay,
In the quiet, I kneel, with so much left to say.

Grief marks the end of youth, a bitter pill to swallow,
and builds a home for loneliness to wallow.