I just broke her heart
‘cause she told me she was lying,
and by the night’s end she’ll feel it.
Her mascara-stained tear drops hit the carpet flying-
yet her eyes never trembled, they glistened.

Oh, why did you do me like this?
Did you ignore my pain and not feel it?
Sugar, why did you burn our whole life;
was my love just the prize to your winnings?

She saw me yesterday and asked
for a hand,
I said, “You don’t understand...
I meant that we were through.
Leave your keys up on the stoop.”

Then the love was in her eyes
and it took me by surprise,
and by that night’s end I was living.
My pain had gone away and her heart was full of light;
she whispered me a kiss
and I listened.

Oh why am I so wrapped up like this?
Is it only her heart that shimmers?
I always try to leave, but my soul just can’t resist.
Her love’s the summer breeze to my winter.

Enjoy it while you can
      they say
These next 4 years are going to fly by
      and they did

-Join a club
-Do an internship
-Make friends
-Write a resume, cover letter
-Fall in love
-Apply for jobs
-Do something crazy
-Build your professional portfolio
-Socialize for hours
-Find a grad school
       they say "it's the college experience"

Is it the college experience to feel
Underappreciated and Overworked?
Elated and Devastated?
Accomplished and Incompetent?

It never feels like it's enough
      no, I never feel like I'm enough
I've spent hours staring at a screen
Either in class or at home, it doesn't matter
I scrolled through so many blogposts and jobposts
Applied to countless positions and internships
All for nothing

"What's the best way to do college?"
      is the question I'm constantly asking myself
      and anyone who will listen that might have the answers
"What am I doing wrong?"
      how can so many people have accomplished so much
      before I've even made a name for myself

my 21 credit semester
my double major
my additional minor
my 6 semesters of straight A's
my 2-year executive board position
my part-time minimum wage job
Were they all not enough? What am I doing wrong?
Why can't I find even an unpaid internship?

Despite my exhaustive efforts,
      and I do mean exhaustive, full burn-out
I still see people
people who have done way less, tried way less
with full rides, wonderful internships and jobs right out of college.

None of it is fair.

And I have nothing to show for it.

So has this just been 4 wasted years?

What can I make of myself in the real world,
with nothing to show for my college career?

I hate this temporary psychological condition
It's a knock on effect of what I can't write

I sit and stare at my blank piece of paper
Frustrated, can't sleep, up all night

I feel all inspirations drain from me
Click, click goes the top of my pen (again)

I'm determined to beat you and not let you win
**** you disambiguation.

light like a razor blade
I squint
at a pointed shadow,
a thief, I thought,
but it was a cop.

his flashlight
stabs at stuffed animals
and plaid school skirt.
voice gruff
mother’s anxiety pools
in heated, clammy hands,
and when he leaves,
boots threatening,
she follows, rambling.

I wonder how
a man can mistake a child
for an adult.
but maybe,
he just liked rattling the cage
his badge built around us.

Kept working
Sweating and renewing
And carefully weaving
My thoughts through the world
And I realise
That I didn't like it.

Frustrating
Venting and pounding
Failed art
Broken heart
All cleared away
Click
Delete.

And that's some space
For another tone, a face
Start afresh the next day.

Beliefs passionately held long
Suddenly, they just vanished
Looking everywhere was wrong
For the signs to know are tarnished

Reaching out to something unknown
Looking through a starless sky
To take hold of such importance
From bonds that end in acquaintance

Burdens piled up in my pillow
Became hard to rest my head on
I lay down on my bed but not shallow
Enough to fall into a deep trance

Nothing but dust remains inside
A portrait of cobwebs six feet long and wide
I lost all senses and even my pride
Nowhere to go and nowhere to hide