Friends
What really are friends?
People who are there for you
Whenever you need

People you confide in
People you choose to spend time with
And to laugh with

But

Are they still your friends
If you have feelings for them?

What if they become more than friends?

Then you do everything a friend would do
Except you do it on a deeper level
With a deeper connection

After that happens
Can you still be friends when it’s over?

What if
We can’t

I was never his friend
I do not know how to be friends
I always had feelings for him
I just wish we would not be strangers

But here we are

I ran out of the house in such a hurry, 
Put some carrots in my pockets and began to scurry 

Not there with the hay, 
Near far out in the snow a shadow of fuzz, would lay 

On the journey I began, 
Through the snow and the trees,
Nothing could prepare me

Little did I know,
The further I would go

Soon before me was my best friend, 
All alone, tears ran down my face,
I laid his head on my lap and began to embrace

Never could you ever hope never pray or wish,
To be there with your best friends body alone in the sticks 

As tears wiped from my eyes into a pile,
I began to smile,
As this isn't goodbye it was simply,
See you in a while

The first “hello,” a waving hand
We’re only seats apart
“How do you do? Wanna be friends?”
That’s how it used to start
Expired words, still on my tongue
The words I wish to hear
Now changed from days when I was young
To whispers in my ear,
“All this is fake, so shallow too.”
“You sure you’re really friends?”
“I bet they just put up with you,
Cause you help meet the ends.”
The questions dragged up from my mind
I’ll tell the moon at night
And search alone, hope I can find
The answers to my plight
Tomorrow when the dark retreats
I know I’ll call you friend
I hope you’ll do the same for me
Even if you just pretend

How can I possibly fix this misery
It’s like a non stop bleeding injury
That I constantly feel everyday
Is there a cure for it or some way?

I was so innocent then, now I’m unsure
How can I fix my heart that was once pure?
Am I still the same, is all this in my head
Life feels so fake from the books I’ve currently read

Its events that occur from time to time
Yet here I am making simple words rhyme
When am I going to experience what they do?
And when am I going to find friends who will be true
Jealousy arises within me as I see others laughing
Meanwhile all I secretly do is basically crafting

Writing words that appear out of nowhere
And after I’m done, I would simply stare
At the poems I’ve created which is my only talent
Yet are there any others that are somehow unbalanced?

The feeling of hopelessness drips in me
I wish I can view the world like in the past
And to be able to finally see
That friendships are likely never to last

Why can’t I see the colorful side of the world
To be able to listen to the words I’ve been told
My heart currently feels extremely cold
Can’t all this just be sold?
Maybe I just need an animal to hold.

The child that viewed the world as vibrant
As there were no given requirements
If I could return to these peaceful days
And forever be stuck, yet I wouldn’t learn the right ways

Life moves on it’s how we survive
Soon will be able to drive
The amount of responsibilities is hard to take in
Am I ever going to finally win?

Diverse opportunities come my way
Hangouts and current friendships that want me to stay
But I want to leave this all behind
Or maybe even wish for time to simply rewind

Where I used to love the little things
But now guilt is all it brings
For how I didn’t succeed my ways
Exams that constantly fill my trays

Pressure is adjusted frequently a lot
The damage in my heart that I thought I had fought
Which constantly returns one day around another
And when anyone asks I’d say I’m subtle
Battles I fight that never seems to end
Why can’t my mind just for once try to comprehend?

That the ones who truly love and already in front
So why am I constantly trying to hunt
Hoping to leave her cruelness all behind
But there’s still a missing piece I’m hoping to find

What if that piece was filled years ago
But it’s like I covered it up with heavy freezing snow
I’d first cared and asked as much as I could
For the ones who I cared about yet now I feel stood
Not by them, but by the one who I knew would hurt
So why haven’t I yet learnt?

My heart needs to be fixed as soon as it can
And I want to adjust myself a suitable plan
Afraid of pushing away the ones who have been there since day one
But of course I can’t just simply run

If my actions continue to stay the way it is
Life’s for sure gonna get harder than this
With college applications and constant regulations
Patiently having to wait if we receive any invitations
Scores that are required to enter
Yet my patience will soon surrender

All I can think about yet ruined my life
Hopefully one day my poems would be rife
When people who done me wrong return
To ask for help, I would never give them an intern

Confident as I sound
My heart still feels like it hasn’t been found
Trying to get over what she did
Wishing I could NEVER forgive yet god forbid
Peace is what one shall make
Even if they are one hundred percent fake
But why am I holding my life like it's at stake?

How to get over it is what I frequently ask
It’s simply a disturbing task
Undeserving of the attention I silently give
Why can’t I just focus on myself and let me live

Digging myself into a deeper hole
As if I have just lost control
Unable to explain the way I feel
But when can life finally feel real?

My heart pouring and bleeding
Trying to connect the words while I am speaking
However, the tears in my eyes just keep leaking
When it’s not me, but the thing that’s beating

Hoping to feel the sense of excite
Knowing that it was right
Now it’s impossible to enjoy what I used to
When will my time stop being so blue?

To deserve more than this is what I expect
But do I have any sense of respect?
As I drift away from the ones I love
Especially how I used to be above

Constantly giving advices to the ones who ask
How come I never use it
Is this another impossible task?
Or something I can rarely admit

This isn’t me
But who is she?
Is this the one who is calm and pure
Or the one that has been recently endured

Amount of things I am somewhat afraid
Numerous people who have had me played
Too dumb to notice don’t understand how
Can’t all this just leave me alone and end now?

If I lose him, I’d end myself
Not what you think so stop asking yourself
Through the amount of pain my heart has bled
Fake rumors about me will never stop being spread…

My confidence had somewhat decreased
And I however am not simply pleased
I just want the girl who wasn’t hurt
Change can really affect one as well as leave tear marks on their shirt

Failure is what I’m afraid of most
But I won’t tell anyone, so instead I’ll have a delicious well made toast

i don’t know how to feel, to be fair,  
anxious thoughts linger, heavy in the air.  
the boys stay the same, unchanged, unkind,  
no remorse, no growth, no peace to find.  

i hoped for growth in the time apart,  
a shift, a spark, a different start.  
but the mirror shows the same old face,  
pulling me back to that unkind space.  

the morning speaks in knots and twists,  
a familiar ache i can’t resist.

two bad dreams, that’s all it took —  
to unearth the truth i’d overlooked.  
no more dwelling, no more weight,  
just quiet resolve to close the gate.