Gratitude,success

Those two words

Had been thrown idly

Through decades freely

Could be in a form of morsel

Or fortune ,family  or health

But its also the will to breath

At every dawn

To forgive or to love your figure

To stand or fall

To cry or to chuckle

To speak or be mute

The mediocre of it alone

Is another thing to pounder

these days I analyze and modify my routine
each second I spend of the 24 hours,
with hope I can control the fluctuations of how I feel
in a day.
I brush my teeth, I critically think of everything,
I'm going insane.
I'm normal just like you.
I Feed myself scenarios and "what ifs" for breakfast
(I'm feeling all of it for a reason, it'll come back soon.)
Ponder much more, move much less.
I'm normal just like you.
I'm scanning over old art to feel the emotions I once felt,
(is it possible to feel comfortable within anger?
Shall I not propose a better path for myself?)
Then again, pondering more, moving very less.
I'm normal just like you
By the afternoon my conscious mind has ran it's way
through my past experiences
always giving me the urge to ask questions
I wish I didn't know the answer too.
I'm normal just like you
Now the world has shut down
and I sit in my room, empty mind
mouthful of smoke.
I'm able to see it all clearly,
I'm normal, the things I indulge in? Maybe not.
Do you remember who you were before the world
told you who you should be?

I don't know how to put this into words
It's about losing fear of emotions,
I just learned and discovered a technique,
It may sound simple yet be unique,

Instead of losing oneself in emotion,
Acknowledging them,
Then change focus with caution,
And put it on your body's landscape,
This may sound as an escape,

But it is not, it's an attention-shift,
We focus ourselves instead of drift,
We bring our attention to the now,
It keeps us present and this is how
We can acknowledge and allow,
Any emotion that comes up,

Perceive what happens in your body,
Can be as simple as your breath,
If we practice being present,
Emotions will stop being a threat.

A tickle on the back of my neck,
the hairs on end,
the grip on my heart,
the butterflies in my stomach,
the knots within;
telling me,
You are the one.

A glimpse in the periphery,
a shadow in the corner,
the warmth of breath,
the scent on the wind;
telling me,
You are near.

Moist lips upon mine,
a lingering taste,
a familiarity,
an intensity in my heart,
the rhythm deafening;
telling me,
I am in love.

The world shifts,
a kaleidoscope of senses,
a sudden clarity.

The ordinary becomes extraordinary,
the mundane, magic.

A silent understanding,
a language spoken without words,
a connection forged in the depths.

The pull of gravity,
a force undeniable,
a surrender to the inevitable.

A dance of souls,
a symphony of emotions,
a tapestry woven with light.

The fear,
the vulnerability,
the exquisite joy.

A fragile bloom,
a delicate unfolding,
a revelation.

The world fades away,
only you remain,
a beacon in the darkness.

A whisper of destiny,
a promise unspoken,
a truth revealed.

The heart recognizes its home,
the soul finds its counterpart,
the journey begins.

A moment suspended in time,
an eternity captured in a glance,
a love discovered.

You meant the world to me.
You left me to die, and yet still
Invaluable as you are,
I miss you every day.

You pushed me away, and
Created a void in my heart.
Invaluable as you are,
The hole can not be filled.

You're alive, and yet gone.
But even if you were to die,
Invaluable as you are,
You would be a diamond in the pile.

Magnificent ray, beyond wonders
Bewildered in your awe
Hope in your orange hue

Though days are hard
It may feel empty and sad
Lost in a parable of life

Sunset you are the most beautiful sight
Painted my sky with your golden ray
You give color before my darkness
A hope of dawn for a new day

You want to know what’s wrong?
Why I’m like this? Why I pull away?
Fine. Sit down.
Let me ******* tell you.

It’s my head.
My own head—the thing I live in every **** day—
it doesn’t stop tearing me apart.
It turns everything into a problem.
Twists every word you say into something worse.
Invents reasons why you’ll leave
before you even think about staying.

I ask myself, Did you mean that?
Were you lying? Are you tired of me?
And it’s not you—
it’s me and this brain that won’t shut the **** up.
It’s a riot in here.
Screaming, tearing things apart, burning everything down,
while you sit there, calm, like I’m losing my mind for no reason.

“Relax,” you said once.
“Stop overthinking.”
Yeah? Great advice. Thank you.
Let me just hit the imaginary off-switch in my head.
Oh wait—it doesn’t exist.

I replay everything.
Every second, every word,
every glance you gave me that felt half a beat too long.
And I know I’m being crazy,
but that doesn’t stop the noise.

I second-guess every feeling I’ve ever had—
every good thing we’ve built—
because the voice in my head says it won’t last.
It tells me you’ll leave,
and I believe it.

I always believe it.

And you know what ****** me off?
You think I do this for attention.
You think I’m dramatic.
You think I’m trying to hurt you.

No.
I’m trying to survive in here.
In a head that picks apart everything good
and turns it into poison.

I ruin things before they can ruin me.
I push you away because that’s easier
than waiting for you to walk out the door.

And I hate it.
I hate that I can’t trust anything real.
I hate that I doubt every time you tell me you care.
And I hate that deep down,
I’m always waiting for you to stop loving me.

Because no one ever stays.
And honestly?

If you were smart,
you’d run now, too.