There are stories with names
That all go unheard
In a world of social conflict
Not knowing what happens seems absurd

There's a girl that lies awake
Unable to fall asleep in her own bed
Her memories like scars
That tear apart her head

This wasn't how it started
It's not always been this way
But sometimes things happen
And you're forced to have to stay

She is blind to it at first
Constantly tells herself a lie
But its hard to hide from the truth
In reality she shouldn't have to cry

The punches start as just punches
But the bruises slowly mean more
With one hit after another
She grows terrified of her own door

He's constantly on her mind
Not out of love but out of fear
She never feels truly safe
Always worried he'll be near

It's not only the hands that grab her
Or the black and blue marks that cover her skin
His words eat away at her very soul
Destroying her from within

She's forced to the floor day and night
Too exhausted to even stand
Living out of fear of asking for help
No one will ever lend a hand

It's as if she'll be trapped forever
Forced to live alone for all her life
With a man she used to love so dear
But now fills her heart with strife

She's been broken and beaten
Years of pain spill over her face
So how she decided to leave it all
Is tragic but part of her case

With no signs of help and a life of loss
She ran out of places to run
And in looking for a last ditch effort
Stumbled upon her husbands gun

Now these stories still remain unheard
But Everyone deserves to know
It shouldn't have to end this way
We all need somewhere to go

That moment
When you are so scared
To lose people,
You keep dangerous
People in your life,
And no matter how much
You know you should leave,
You're terrified of hurting them
And ending up alone again.

I know the stories that you tell
I have them memorized so well
I take you at face value
Every time
You're everything I want
You're nothing I could hate
Hope you don't hesitate
Will you be mine?

I see the electric sunshine
I see the electric sunshine
I see the electric sunshine
In your eyes

It's nothing but a bruise
It doesn't mean abuse
It's just a disagreement
I'll be fine
He still loves me the same
He tells me it's okay
He knows just what to say
Every time

I see the electric sunshine
The mask you hide behind
I see the electric sunshine
In your eyes

I know the stories that you tell
I know they're just pathetic spells
You thought I'd fall for it
Every time
You're no longer what I want
You're everything I've come to hate
Now your gone for good and I know
I'll be fine

I saw the sunshine in your eyes
The light you flipped on with a switch
And when it turned out to be lies
I turned into a *****
And I cut the cord to the ties that bound
I'm happy without electric sunshine now
I've seen the light without you
*I let it shine

It had been years since I'd seen your face,
I recognized your smile, as if I had never left...
We talked, it was good...
You said you were sorry... and I accepted your apology...
Although I had already forgiven you a while back...
But this doesn't mean that I forgot...

Do not confuse my forgiveness for forgetfulness...
because I still remember...

I remember all those nights
you were on the couch... sipping on some beers...
everything would be good, we'd laugh and play...
but then something triggered your emotions...

Your face would change,
you would start asking questions,
then the questions would turn into accusations,
the accusations would turn into anger,
the anger would turn into fire...
a fire that couldn't be stopped,
A fire that burned me... over and over again...

Next thing I knew
the fire would hold me down by my wrists...
demon like screams would be leaving your lungs...
telling me not to speak... or I would be punched in the face
and your eyes... your eyes would scar my soul
and I knew this nightmare would last all night long...

As the sun would rise...
you'd be sleeping next to me...
I never slept...
tears rolling down my face
scars... deeper than my skin...
You'd wake up and say you were sorry...
you blamed the alcohol....
made me feel guilty,
you said your love was too big...
then hugs and kisses ... and I was yours again...

But I never forgot...
Even after I left those nightmares stayed with me,
the scars you left, dug deeper into the essence of my being...
as I pretended that none of had happened...
But the more I pretended, the more prevalent it became...
the more I pretended, the more torturous it felt...

So I forgave you...
I forgave you alone in my room with tears coming from my soul
I forgave you as I prayed to God to get rid of my scars...
I forgave you, and in the process I learned to forgive myself too...

But just know...
that even though my heart forgave you
...my soul never forgot.

The number of stitches in my thigh,
punctures in my wrists,
the number of times you tried to **** me.

The number of paces I creased the carpet
with contemplating
how to escape you.

The number of hours you told me in bed
I'd be sorry after I left you,
naked and stabbing with your voice.

The number of  times I told my friends
your anger was disgusting, scary. The number
of times they told me don't worry.

The number of times you banged on my door,
****** knuckled, how many times I begged
for death, how many nights you barely left me
breathing.

I am talking to you,
snake.
remember how
you hid your fangs
at first?
but it was not long
until
you sunk into
my flesh
trying to
****
away my positivity
away my compassion
away my warmth
use it for your
sustenance

you leech,
parasite,
passing as something human

not
any
more

when I think back on recent years
I am almost
thankful
to have met you.
don't for a second
think it's because I loved you
or we had good times
never
in a million years.
I am thankful
to have experienced
an abusive relationship
manipulation
codependency
the second I became
an adult.

I was not
an adult.
unaware
people like you existed
I did not stop being a child
until
the first night
you backhanded me
across the face
and with
the first slap
you smacked
my innocence
out of the window
never to be found
again.

you never let me
leave your sight
but,
after I lay
in a panic attack
traumatized
scared
of humanity
you told me to stay at "my" friends.
she was your
friend
not mine.

never trust
a friend
of the snake.

I came home early
you were in bed
with another woman
somehow
whenever I brought this up
it was never addressed,
never discussed,
instead
changed
and twisted
into something
that was
my
fault.

that didn't stop you
from accusing me
of infidelity
harassing me
about being a ****
when I was never
even
allowed to leave
the house
my hell.

I never for one second
loved you
nor was I ever
attracted to you
you
smelled my vulnerability
and went in
for the ****.

it took me months
but I left you.
you bawled
and shook
as you told me
you can't live without me.
******* die, then.
I had (have)
no sympathy
my eyes
were dead
cold
as I looked at you
weeping
like the pathetic
weak
waste of life
that you are.

I am thankful
because I taught myself
to be independent
to get a job
since then I have been
I will never
rely
on another
for my basic
necessities.
never
rely on a man
to give me
a place to rest
food
a shower
now,
I know where to look
in others
for the fangs
that you hid
from me,
from every woman
that has had
the displeasure
of meeting you.

I dont know why
I bothered opening
the first letter
you sent me
from jail.
told me
you know you shouldn't
have solicited
a fifteen year old girl
but you missed me.
she
reminded you of me.
now
I throw them out
without opening them.
that fifteen year old girl
is stronger
than you will ever be
for speaking up
and getting you
incarcinated.
she is
the reason
I support all other women -
specifically
younger girls.
I do not know her name
but
I know she will
be happier
than your miserable self
could ever
be.
ever.

I dont hate you.
I pity you
and your worthless
serpentine
body
slithering
covered in dirt
looking
for your next
vulnerable victim
to strike at.
when my dad found a snake
while mowing the lawn
he would chop off
it's head
with our largest knife
those animals
didn't deserve it.
but you do.
****.

for all the times my consent didn't matter to you.
for all the times you told me that since we're in a relationship I should want to have *** with you.
for all the times I had to hide in the bathroom crying while looking at all the red marks and the bruises.
for all the nights I stayed up trying to catch my breath while you were sleeping beside me.
for all the times I cried during an act that was supposed to be intimate.
for all the times you grabbed me and said "please, baby, please? I love you"
for all the times you saw me crying because of the random man who tried to grab me on the streets.
for all the times I told you about my PTSD I suffered due to childhood ****** abuse.
for all the times you took advantage of me.
for all the times you hurt me, I am now going to conquer.

you have made me suffer through another type of abuse,
an abuse that many people don't realize real.
because of you, I suffered through domestic violence/marital ****.

I am not a victim, I am a survivor.

Broken window,
Damaged door,
Tempers rising,
Personal war,

Clenched fists,
Raised heart,
Eyes bulging,
A man apart,

Words fail,
Closed ears,
Red mist,
Own fears,

Locked door,
Black eye,
Help me,
She cries,

Angry man,
Local law,
He resists,
Once more,

Overnight,
Changed heart,
Apologetic,
New start,

Spilt glass,
Angry man,
Beaten wife,
Changed plans,

Courage found,
To walk away,
And escape,
His drunken ways,

New life,
No fear,
Only joy,
Draws tears,