I've grown so much,
yet I feel small.

even if I tried,
would they notice me
at all?

To Whom it may concern,

I am unable to locate or purchase Dijonnaise at any local store in my area. This has been an issue since the beginning of 2021. Is this product being discontinued? Amazon and other online retailers offer highly marked up versions of this product but this East Coast/West Coast, Hellmann's/Bestfoods branding has always been off-putting to me, especially in this day and age plus I despise supporting Amazon or similar box stores/corporations. I would also be more likely to purchase Dijonnaise if it came in a glass container. Plastic is not what millennials want and it no longer "makes it possible" as the ads of yesteryear have stated. I use Dijonnaise very often, I am highly disappointed with the small and awkwardly shaped plastic containers, plastic squeeze bottles make it very difficult to expel or retrieve the entirety of the product. I am strongly considering switching to Durkee's brand mustard in the future as they have always used glass containers, I would mix it with Trader Joe's mayonnaise since it is the only one I can find in a glass container. I understand that the added weight of glass cuts into your profits when distributing your products but I have not seen an advertisement for Dijonnaise in years, where are all these profits being spent? The main reason I purchase Dijonnaise is for the nostalgia of the television ads I grew up watching containing a parody of the song "Duke of Earl". I would strongly recommend re-running these retro advertisements on YouTube ad services in the future if you want to keep this product in production. I feel there is no need to attempt re-creating these ads either, it would be a waste of resources and a disappointment to those who grew up with the original versions. I work in marketing and people are voting with their dollars nowadays, your structure and model could benefit from some evaluation. Please tell me how to buy your product locally and take note that myself and many others prefer plastic free packaging. Thanks for your time. Please do not sell my information or use it to contact me for anything not mentioned above.
Sincerely

...

The response I received was that the product has been discontinued. I was offered a coupon for a complimentary 8oz jar of Mayonnaise as it's the only product still available in a glass container. Unfortunately this is only sold on the opposite side of the Rocky Mountains from my location and only at limited locations. How dissatisfying...

Enter Scene:

A boy rests his head on his left fist,
His elbow propped up on the black IKEA desk.
The desk is worn, several quarter-sized holes and dents
Pocking the boy’s writing surface.
The worst holes are covered by the yellow legal pad he writes in.
He taps a disposable pen against his chin as he thinks.

“To whom it may concern,” he starts, pausing.
The pen hovers above the comma as he considers,
Should it be capitalized? Too formal? Change it to “Dear”?
He tears away the page, tossing it into the trash can to his left.
It joins the other crumpled pages, his last attempts.
First, second, third, fourth, fifth draft suicide notes.

He brings his head away from his fist and cracks his knuckles.
The note has to be perfect. It’s his final words.
His last hurrah. His confessional script to everyone he’s ever known.
Overthinking the words, desperate to make them perfect.
The same desperation that has him writing the note to begin with,
But so long as he’s dissatisfied with the note, he’s safe.

This is a cry of a person dissatisfied
the faint feeling of a blank stare stating:

Here I look upon the world,
to which I am dreadfully attached
I regret to love it so much
as I cling on harshly, gaping;
it is full of distaste and resentment.
I tried to see everything in it,
I have lived and saw life without grace
and sin devours envy controls hate
and men die holding their pride
and selfishness corrupted the soul.

It is without a doubt that I -
who swore to be free of the earth
withheld of freedom and deemed memory
a clean slate again.