I cannot eat this.
Eat.
If I would, I´d feel like puking.
Eat.
I don´t like the texture, or the taste.
Eat.
I am not even feeling hungry. Not that I ever do.
Eat.
I don´t like the color and form.
Eat.
It is mushy and weird.
Eat.
The thought alone makes me sick.
Eat.
I do not want to eat this.
Eat.
I will feel sick.
Eat.
I cannot eat this.
Eat.

I sit once more dismissed,
A lonely figure in my head and my heart,
Aware of the specific trigger
For my sacking as your partner, lover, friend,
Yet also keenly aware that

Once again ADHD has twisted reality
And scale and proportion
To the point your rage knows
Nearly no bounds,
Only that I must be destroyed

And in this there is such
Injustice and a great untruth,
Because I read your verse,
I see the photo's we took even on a day
When we met but to part,

And what I see,
What I see over and over and over,
Is the flow of love from thee to me
And me to thee and thence back,
A circular intimacy without end,

Until you took bolt cutters to it
Sought to free a link in the chain
You feel has bound me to you
And you to me,
And us to we,

But here is the thing love,
That loop is like Hercules soul,
'Tis harder than you think to cut,
There is always a hair's breadth
You cannot ever sever,

Yet for now I must wait alone in the shadows,
Away from the warmth of our love,
That irrational you that arose from
Pain and ADHD
Must depart before

The real us

Can

Return

She sweeps up the shards

and she doesn't recognise them:


the shards of a man.

I'm sick
and tired
of this downward spiral

I'm lost
and helpless
why am I so broken

I reach
you smile
but you never fix my broken pieces

Do you...
even see me?

You've seen me at my worst...
Did you already forget
the talk we had
where I promised to put the razor down?

You never cast a second glance
but I never...
Never stopped looking for a way out.

"Could you spare a moment?
I need to talk to you,
it's important."

"Not right now,
I'm busy.
Can we talk later?"

"Oh, okay."

And we never talk.

We all have someone who is there for us, offering a bond thicker than blood itself when all else seems to be broken. Someone who has traced our footsteps from the moment we were born and who will close their eyes with us when we die, a shadow that casts itself behind us, far closer and more familiar than we could ever imagine, admit or choose to believe.

Someone to love, embrace and call 'Home' who transcends beyond the late nights spent, unfulfilled and convinced that we are lonely, insignificant and unloved with chattering teeth, duvet shivers and relentless 3am thoughts that trouble us, penetrating the recesses of our wandering mind or the empty coffee cup that rests on our bedside table...

...all while dismissing the warmth that can be found within the slightest glimpse of a single mere reflection.

the rain hit my windowpane,
just like my tears hit the hardwood floor.
all of my attempts have been in vain,
i couldn't stop you from walking out the door.
i remember when you stood here
when you embraced me so warmly.
but i watched you disappear
something i wouldn't have done normally.
your kiss was strong enough to glue me back together,
your touch was enough to set me on fire.
but now, i watch the ominously fierce weather,
and force my feelings to retire.
in seven years, i'll have skin you've never touched before
but i can't help but wish you'd still be here.
but, for now, i lay here on the floor
wishing you were here, and shedding these tears.

Reciting your enchanting beauty
My life swifts from river mode to sea
Where it is deeper and yet empty
Which drift/drives my life to agony

The wind of obsessity carries me
To a place I always dreamt to be
Placing my head in your lap I see;
A future where we could be happy

But gradually the dream gets over
As the obsessity wind gets slower
Revisiting the reality again
Introduces me to a familiar pain

The pain is not of losing you
You were not a reward to be won
But since now you're gone
I feel a friend is departing too


With shallow breath and watery eye
Trembling limps and left with a sigh
The heart beneath nearly die
The moment you said, goodbye...

I don't need drugs
To ruin my life
With an emotional outburst
Its hard to survive