He's broken.
So broken.
He hadn't lost a parent.
But he is further from her than he was before.
The other is transparent.
Unhealthy habits.
Transparency has unhealthy habits.
Him.
A spitting image of his father.
Unhealthy ways of dealing with negative emotions.
He's throwing a tantrum now.
He can't handle it.
His rage filling up, consuming him.
He has justified it; not hearing nor seeing the logic others use to rationalize his feelings.
On the outside, he is definitely a toxic person.
One of those types of kids you should never befriend.
Toxic, indeed.
But not only to others, making fun of them and being bitter.
But to himself.
So young,
yet he thinks his intellect outmatches societies',
his maturity cannot be matched,
he is misunderstood,
he is one in a million.
He is not.
He is among the many regular people who carry a facade.
Shifting into somebody else whenever he cannot get what he wants
Perhaps,
this is because he can't handle his new life?
He was never like this before.
Perhaps,
his brain created personalities for him, for whatever each situation requires it.
So fragile, so sensitive.
Been through so much anguish.
So much pain.
And his mind could not withstand the transparency's abuse.
That same transparency that cannot understand him.
Made him hate the world and believe he was hated back.
He is a lost soul.
Underneath his manipulative, two-faced facade, there is a small child.
An underdeveloped mind.
That lacks power to process emotions correctly.
Numb, unfeeling of empathy.
At a time where puberty arises,
and the stress of a mistreating new life,
he has no freedom.
He feels as trapped as his sister.
She has people to confide in.
He does not.
He is alone.
Alone in his head.
His mother, he needs her. In so many ways.
His mental state is unstable.
He needs her.
Every time the cruel transparency strikes its manipulation,
nowhere to run.
Not allowed to process, not allowed to act,
if the little boy cries in retaliation, he will be awarded a slap.
Showing emotion means being dealt with more abuse.
Endless
Endless
It is endless
he wants it to stop.
unanswered cries for help.
but circumstances show that he'll be in it for a long time.
His gender,
is causing his anguish.
His age,
is causing his anguish.
His family,
is causing his anguish.
His existence,
is the bane of his anguish.
Maybe he's right, he is not a normal person.
He isn't allowed to be.
he is broken.
So broken.
and our family doesn't believe in therapy.
Written on December 25, 2017, 10:32 PM at a cousin's birthday party.
