I convinced a man he could prune his own ****.

That if he spliced it just so,
two little pink shafts would sprout in it's place.
Wriggle themselves growing into two separate fully functional phallus.
And I watched him.
As he reluctantly reached for the shears.
And went through the five stages of grieving.

"There's no way this will work.

******* for telling me this secret!

can't I just take a pill to grow a second **** without having to cut this one off?

I don't think I can live without it..."

but just think, I reminded him.
after you do this.
You're gonna have TWO *****.

"I'M GONNA HAVE TWO *****!"

TWO *****.

And with almost no other thought, reasoning or belief.

He closed the shears



He opened his eyes.

His flaccid privilege laying there.

"When does the growing start?"
He asked me, pained.
His big brown eyes swelling.

"It doesn't."

"WHAT?"

"I lied to you, it doesn't grow back."

"It doesn't grow back? Not even one?

"Not one, not two,
no **** for you. I lied."

"Lied?"

"Lied."

it was easy,
to convince him.
Just had to promise he'd have two times the power in the long run.
If he risked it all right now.

Oh ****
I'm out of luck
This really *****
I am stuck
how did I get here?
In my own muck

I am held down by locks
But my mind is still sharp as a fox
But I think instead I'll rub my *****
To get off my Rocks
And then wonder if I am queer?
Because I like the look of my own stocks

Now all there is left to do is cry
And wonder that this is what I do instead of try
While I am asking why
Even though I got here with my lies
I wonder if any one will hear?
My rattle as I die

.
                                   Gobble
                              Gobble Gobb
                             Gobble Gobble
                           Gobble Gobble Go
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                              Gobble Gobble
                    Gobble                   Gobble
              Gobble Gobble      Gobble Gobble
            Gobble Gobble Go bble Gobble Gob
               Gobble Gobble      Gobble Gobble
                     Gobble                    Gobble

.
                                  ****-up
                     ­         ****-up ****
                             up ****-up co
                           ****-up ****-up
                             ****-up ****-
                             up ****-up co
                             ck-up ****-up
                             ****-up ****-
                             up ****-up co
                             ****-up ****-
                             up ****-up co
                             ****-up ****-
                    ****-up.           ****-up
                ****-up ****   ****-up ****
               ****-up-up ****-up  ****-up
                ****-up ****    -up ****-up
                   ****-up              ****-up

.
                           ****
                       Carnivor
                    ous **** Car
                   nivorous ****
                    Carnivorous
                    Carnivor­ous
                    Carnivorous
                    Carnivoro­us
                    Carnivorous
                    Carnivorou­s
                    Carnivorous
                    Carnivorous­
                    Carnivorous
                    Carnivorous
­                    Carnivorous
                    Carnivorous
 ­  Carnivorous             Carnivorous
Carnivorous ****   Carnivorous ****
  Carnivorous               Carnivorous
       ****                             ****

Egbert: my best friend
What secrets do you hide
In the glowing warmth of your orb?


You hung from the ceiling,
Allowed us to roll a
Joint

When darkness beckoned,
You illuminated. One euphoric conflagration of immense joy.

You remain with us.
When others approached
You welcomed. Yet,
You remained loyal.
You will remain loyal
Forever.

You've taken me this far, now
Take me
All the way to Kochstraße.

Isn't it awfully nice to have a *****?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a ****?
It's swell to have a ******.
It's divine to own a ****,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest *****.
So, three cheers for your ***** or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your ****.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.