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anastasia Nov 2017
perhaps,
the most abuse i have experienced
was not when my ex boyfriend
controlled, threatened, or lied to me
but perhaps
it's the relationship
between two people
i call mind and body

you see,
mind and body are in a relationship
but mind is insecure and jealous
but body loves mind so much
they put up with it,
mind has forced body
to pick at wounds
and run blades
over their fair skin,
mind has told body
not to eat so much
so body began overeating,
but then mind forced them
to shove a toothbrush
at the back of their throat
to bring it back up,
mind has made body
overdose on laxatives
to the point
of almost no return,
but it's not too late
for body to heal

in fact,
it is finally time
for mind to realize the pain
they have caused body,
it is time for mind
to apologize
and change their ways,
and it is time
for mind to accept
body as they are
because all body ever wanted
was the acceptance
and the love of mind

and perhaps,
mind has finally come to peace
within themself
to help reverse the damage
they have caused to body
because all along
body cared so deeply
about mind
that they never gave in
to the signals that maybe
it was time to end things
for the both of them

but you don't have to worry
about that happening,
mind and body are working
on their relationship now
so that time
will never come
for either of them
liv Oct 2017
ana
that's what her name is
the name of my best friend
look up perfection and you'll find her there
she hurts me
she loves me
she protects me
she's ana
p e r f e c t i o n
seshi Oct 2017
I have a family
Extended members don't know
But then again
Neither do my parents

If they knew would they cry
Could I watch the tears streak down their cheeks as my practiced story is retold and
Sinks in

Would they tell friends,
Turn a blind eye to the misconceptions of my disease
Maybe protect me when my back is turned
Or would they weep
Crocodile tears
Then love again
Love again as they were before
But with new information

Do you think if I shouted my demons across the seven seas
Would pirates look at me in awe of my strength
In awe of my brittle bones that have stood strong without help
Would they look at themselves and remember the battles they've had with
Themselves
And believe in me when I don't

If I told my parents
Finally
As my therapist tells me to
Would they hold me
Even when I hate being touched
The way skin holds skin
How fat of mine is transferred with fat of yours
How I have always hated it
But it doesn't matter when affection comes before personal beliefs

It disgusts me
My body
I hope you know that
I hope you realise why I can't be touched
By family
Because you broke me bulimia

And cracks aren't healed with hugs.
Zoe Byrd Oct 2017
A girl with an eating disorder
With a monster trapped inside her
Drowning in a world of
Scales
Diet Pills
Alcohol
And perfection
Trying to reach out
And find the help that she so desperately needs
But instead she is met with
Disbelieving, supportive parents
Distrustful, but sometimes helpful staff
And anorexic, bulimic girls
Just like her
Girls along the same journey she is
On the road to recovery
Some get better
Some give up
Because you can not help a person
who does not want to be helped
It is not easy
Will never be easy
But she must push through the pain and suffering
Just like you and I have to
wrote this for a reading challenge at my school. inspired by J. J. Johnson's Believarexic (such a good book def recommend)
CallMeVenus Oct 2017
Mama, can a cat’s milk get spoiled?
I think it can.
Your milk was spoiled.
It made all of my thoughts go bad.
I no longer had balance.
I no longer had confidence.
Love tasted disgusting.
So I purged. I always smell so rotten.
So tell me, momma, how can someone raised on spoiled milk ever be beautiful?
And every bite I take tastes like S.P.O.I.L.E.D. M.I.L.K.
So sick. So comforting.
CallMeVenus Oct 2017
Eat. Purge.
Eat. Purge.
Purge. Purge.

I purged a baby from my abdomen.
Just don’t eat.
Do not eat.
Swallow all those struggles.
Let them eat YOU instead.

God knows you want that **** chocolate.
But you smother the craving and wrap it in your words.
Spit those words. Gunshots.
Bad girls do not deserve chocolate.
The Vault Oct 2017
The sickness
I purged you out
Like a demon
Finger down my throat
Feeling like a sinner
The toilet my only friend
In my moment of darkness
The demons inside
Screaming as I purged them out
The pain
But feeling great
The secrets hid of what I did
Feeling thinner but like a sinner
But a sinner I am
With a head full of demons
Telling me to purge again
Because I will never be thin enough
Ribs sticking out
I will never be thin enough
Until I am dead
And in the end
My demons will win
I already know this
But still I sin
Because I am a sinner
So here I will purge
Away the sin
Down the drain
Into pipes who hide my secrets
That no one knows
Just my secrets screaming out.
Wounded Warrior Sep 2017
All alone in my sorrow
His stench surrounds me
I try to close my eyes and there he is again
I open my eyes... he's there
No matter what I do he's there
Like cockroaches climbing all over my body
I wanted to sedate myself and lay in bed all day
Moms don't get time off though
The days are long, the work is endless.
I tried to shove food down my throat to fill that deep hole within.
Didn't work, made me nauseous & in pain.
The voice within says...
You deserve to be in pain.
Take it you worthless piece of crap.
I agree, as I do what I'm told.
***** on my hands, ***** on my face.
Surely this is the look of a piece of garbage.
I feel better for a split second as I was able to subconsciously ***** my feelings.
I wish I could ***** the memories that haunt me.
I wish I could suffocate my feelings like the thoughts suffocate me.
In this moment I give up.
I'm tired of working hard to be better.
People don't want the real me.
They want the me that they want me to be.
My authentic self isn't good enough.
I drink my sorrow away.
For a moment I'm able to escape my pain.
I feel high...
Enjoy the moment, for you need to get back to battle very soon.
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