im drunk.
high on god knows what
with the whole world spinning like a top
its even worse when my eyes are shut

but its worth the sickness
for the slight reprieve
needed a break from reality
where i can pretend you didn't leave

my stomach was in knots
as i told you the news
but i didn’t expect was the yelling
the hitting and following bruise
it is yours; I swear
and I am yours too
but you don’t want to see him
don’t care when I am due
i will raise him alone
apple falling far from the tree
show him how to love and be good
show him what a man should be
so that when he grows old
and has a baby on the way
he can be a proper father
he will not run away

99 bottles of her on the wall
99 bottles of her
drank one down
trying to drown
98 memories of her all around

tonight i wont fall for it
though i cry on your shoulder,
i left this behind last year.
i have moved on
though i havent gone far
life without you is my greatest fear.

staring at the sidewalk the night of my birthday
i show up at your door
here for your roommate says my mouth
my tears say that i want more
its his bed i sleep in
dreaming of your lips on my skin
last summer car parked at the drive in
i was a sucker for your devil grin

we smile and laugh
his arm draped around my shoulders
we talk like lovers, you see
but when im gone he holds her
and i know this to be true
i have seen it with my own eyes
we would both be so much happier
if we dropped this friendship guise

do you remember
those nights in my room
eating croissants at 2am
you smelling my perfume

i go back to that moment often
and the way you said my name
you trip over your words
setting my face to flame

i still owe you
one mac and cheese dinner
under your ceiling's string lights
you made me a sinner

is it the radiation
why i have been set ablaze
how one feels so fortunate to be blinded
by the sun
for you to admire
from the first word that ever truly carried
any weight through your ear
summer boy
summer man
i want to hold your summer hands
and taste the winter in your skin
i’ll grow flowers from your skull
when you can no longer hold
all the blood and bone
oh to have eternity
bat her eyes at us
how fortunate can two beasts be
consecrating you to me
plucked with the gentlest touch
and may the black swan
never drink
from our waters

"Let's rain gaze..."
the books and the movies
talk about boys like this

past the boroughs
and the busy streets.
the suburban lifestyle
he screams of defeat.

past the sorrows,
and away from concrete
the drops of rain (like his eyes)
followed from the backseat.

in the foliage
at the farmer's street
an apple, blueberries, a cart!
he jumped to his feet.

in the solace
through the plants of wheat
the first rays of sun
he slowly felt complete.

from thrashing limbs
to resting knees,
for sanity's sake
all it took
was a change of scenes.