"bleed·ing heart"
a person considered to be dangerously softhearted
feeling sorry for everything and everyone and giving in to emotions quickly.

“My heart bled today.”
Nothing new, same old routine, same old unremarkable usual thing.
They say over and over, Repetition is key. The key for what, I may never know.
Things often moving quickly halt and take on the slow.
The same people, the same faces, the same air, the same places.

I’m a person with a bleeding heart.
It’s dangerous to lead a life like mine,
Sadly you can’t escape the family bloodline.
Constantly stuck in a place between the planes.
I can’t help what’s running wild, pumping through my veins.

No rest for me. The others are already gone.
My logic quickly left along with the dawn.
My bleeding heart might just be the death of me.
I would show you I am hurting but we can’t seem to agree
I am all alone surrounded by nothing but my own suffocating thoughts.
I can’t breathe and continue to find myself at a loss.
A new beginning. The strong will live, the weak will die.
It’s tattooed into the minds of the people in the city as a nearby excuse for people like me.

Yes, there are others, but they are far out of reach, conveniently unavailable.
The rest of us have been wiped out and deemed unfavorable.

What am I?
Just an unnoticed vessel of the human soul
and all of it’s dangerously soft-hearted mannerisms.

I have a bleeding heart. I do not deny.
Left alone for the beasts to tear apart.
But I cannot help but look to the sky.

I despise my nature, my being even,
Curse my benignant soul,
And my lack of self control
What’s left for me in this cruel world?
Run by unintellectual imbeciles running off their own flawed reasoning

A divergent past, lies in ruins which was once filled with memories and happy experiences,
I was once just a kid lost in her own place, drowning and begging for help but no one came.

Perhaps, I’m not as much of a person with a bleeding heart as I possibly could be.
Perhaps, the legacy I leave behind will be nothing but a life of running away.
Perhaps my bleeding heart only bleeds in contrast to the reality around me.

“Because it is mine, it will always bleed”.
I am stuck in this life of heartache and unwelcome spilled blood, but it will be alright.
Because I won’t give up, not until I succeed.  
I will make it one day, even if there is no destination, I’ll go just to see the sights.
Bleeding heart and all, I will fight the war, not backing down, but disappearing at midnight.

Maybe I'll clean up my act, just to be good.  It did give Shaun the chance to look deeply and most mournfully (nicely empathetic) into my eyes once upon a time ages ago...



(sonnet #MMMMMCMLXXIX)


I'll wear my heart upon this sleeve in pale
Excuse as oft as suits my fancy, whence
Ye all kin chide to no avail from hence,
Whiles I rebuff aught notions in betrayl
Of better sense, cuz nothing here is bail.
Or if some fragile thought seems vague defense,
Tis vanquished ere I've managed to gain thence
A foothold, and I'll be thus stripped and frail.
Ah, love.  Do thou but tempt me with the poor
Suggestion, ye kin laugh 'til ye are blue,
I'm prey, tears dried until tis proven fer
Whatever that twas aye, a jest.  I'll rue
Me folly, cherry-cheeked, and pray whiles your
Much wiser sense erm, coughs.  And yes, I knew.

20Oct16

If I could go back to the day we first met, I would have done something different that day.
I could have stayed home,and nursed back my voice. Remember things I hardly could say?.
My goals and my dreams would have stayed my main focus because I'd never left town.
By falling in love,the world I had known,changed me so much I have drowned.
The tears and the pain cut me so deep I thought my soul would curl up and die.
How could a love that I wanted so bad,make me question myself inside?

Was my love not enough? Didn't I give you all that I had,and more?
You were the one in my heart I felt  held the most promise. We had forever in store.
The telltale signs that something was wrong,my gut told me you drifted away. Nothing was wrong,you said I worried too much. Your intentions towards me hadn't changed.

I can no longer ignore,or deny it, my love because you mean the world to me.
If I could go back to the day we first met, I'd take back that one day,you see.
If there is some reason, a lesson to be learned,I think that maybe its this;
love needs to be nurtured and cared for,not taken for granted like memories fading because they have no reason to exsist.

Randy McPeek

I hear you whispering to me
            it's alright my child
     I know you want this to be over
                 I am right here
             I will always be right here
            don't give up you hear me?
   As long as you can still grasp a breath
                          you fight
      You breathe...so keep breathing.

          Your body...your soul
            may be fighting you
         It is older and has taken
     on many troubles and trauma
       but your spirit needs to stay
you have important work still to do here

        As they press on your throat
    Trying to check the last bit of air
      the Red tail Hawks Circle in the sky
                 we are here
               Do not be afraid

      You were born with white blood
        The ones who have dark blood
             are angry that it is
      still running through their veins
                are afraid of you
             Your light is so bright
           they fear getting burned

       Time may not be on your side
But you will know when the time is right
       you are the silvertip grizzly bear
   who smells from many miles away
who will rip flesh with your mighty    
            claws in seeming anger

                           His smell
seven times stronger than the Bloodhound
           your nose is a time traveler
      while they see someone's name
                            carved in
         a heart in the tree they will know
          this person loves someone else
            
       you know who made the carving
      what was on the soles of their feet
        what direction they walked in
   And to stay away if they are dangerous

        little Portia...jumping spider
        you can see in four dimensions
      Opening Our Eyes to history
as ancient Greek statues were painted
                        not white
         your evolutionary camouflage
     is useless against the death machine
          the black Emperor Scorpion
which to you glows in a bright blue green
      
you are also like the monarch butterfly
      
          waking from sleep cocooned
            living only a few months
      migration that spans Generations
born knowing exactly how to get to their  
           greatest grandfathers home
              who left six months ago
                not told by your Mother

You are the beautiful white bleeding heart
     that I planted outside your door
    you didn't know where it came from
  It will provide you ease from your pain    
           and calm  your nerves
      you must extract this from the root

         It all feels very important
             To speak the truth
             to get it all down
     It feels like it might be too late
                but it is not
   just remember to keep breathing
       As long as you have a breath
    as long as you can grasp a breath
                 you breathe
                 keep fighting
                     I am here
                 I am with you
           I will always be here.

Cherie Nolan© 2016

He always felt the pressure, with eyes
that weighed life only through the mind;
though not too strong or sardonic; he
listened closely to her apologies to others
for life’s unrelenting random decisions;
but dead still fatalism was the only
logic that he allowed to approach

He should have known, her languid eyes
weighed life only through the heart;
though not so delicate, nor sympathies
hopelessly buried in allegory, she
laid the dead pennies upon his eyes
while blood became clear because she
said so

But she knew how to laugh, it was
as close as she would come to pretending
she didn’t care so much; it was because
of days spent drowning in her own futile
black and white world; seeing life only in
the light of kindness and the darkness of
shadows begging to lift their veil

He laughed but only in the past; he spent
more time asking what difference does
any of it make; she smiled patiently, if
there was anything she loved about him
it was that what he denied of himself
screamed in agony alone at night because
he knew he was the same as she was