The goal is to climb the mountain
Not carry it.

And just like always
There is no equal ground,
And I'm attached
And invested
And my heart hurts
My heart yearns
And I'm curious
And bouncy
Until I learn,
There's always new flesh to be burned.

The lump in my throat
Keeps me from screaming,
And time and time again,
History will repeat itself.

Cross my heart
And I hope to live,
Because I've given
All I ever had to give.

I'm rubbing scar tissue,
Remembering days
I could have bled out.

The dizzy sensation
Of coming to,
And cursing myself
For ever thinking
I was cured.

That a promise
Could change a thing.
Well that promise
Developed into further cause.

And I hope to God,
You won't find me so odd
That you'll give up too.
I hope to God,
That you don't find this odd,
But dear lord, I miss you.

And sunshine graces the grass and pavement,
Just like when your smile graces  your features,
And I'd like to think it's me that it's meant
For.

But my glance hits the floor,
The same way I can't stand rain anymore.

Pale skin,
Red lips,
Dark eyes,
Dark hair.

Drift in and out of nothingness,
And try to haunt my efforts to get better.

I buried that skeleton long ago,
So stay down
In the deepest depths
Of the muddiest ground.

Threats of breaking skulls,
If it is dared to pull me under.

I am not who I once was,
And I have shed memories
Like snakes shed skin.

I cringe and writhe in agony
At the person I used to be.

Blackened eyes
And reddened cheeks,
Bruised hip bones
And ****** knuckles.
I am shamed to say,
I can see
How it came to be,
This ghost of me.

But she is gone,
And I am new,
To say goodbye
To the ghost of me and
All she's been through.

You told me we would paint our bedroom orange and that we would have a boy and two girls and that our living room would have a big window and lots of those lame decorative pillows that everyone throws off on the couch.

You told me that every Christmas i would get to put a star on the tree and you would get to decorate it because you loved decorating the tree and one year you're going to put a ring at the top and that's how you would propose, you told me that.

You told me we would teach our kids how to tie their shoes with just one bunny ear because we grew up tying our shoes with two bunny ears and all the cool kids in kindergarten knew how to tie with just one.

You told me we would take a cooking class together and learn how to cook because you loved cooking but you weren't that good at it and I never knew what I was doing in the kitchen.

You told me that Ashley didn't matter to you but you ****** her any ways for four months straight and apologized and I told you I forgive you

You told me you wanted to see me the night after our big fight over the phone about how you never cared about me and I mean nothing too you and I told you I didn't want to see you but you showed up anyways and i melted into you and you told me you love me and I told you that I love you too and whispered in your ear that i forgive you

You told me that those texts from gabby didn't mean anything but I called you twice that night and you never answered and then someone sent me a picture of her sitting on your lap, you apologized and I told you i forgive you

You told me that I was over reacting when I didn't want you to go out with your boys that night in August when I wanted you to go with me to my friends birthday party. You went anyways and cheated on me and then apologized until I told you i forgive you

You told me that Amy was dating your work friend and you just drive her sometimes when she needs a ride but I found out you were taking her on dates and buying her lingerie then you apologized and I told you that i forgive you

You told me that I was the reason you weren't committed, that I couldn't hold you down, that you needed someone stronger with no baggage and bigger ******* to keep you grounded.

Make your move.
Go ahead.

Forget about me,
Not that you don't already
Every time you walk out that door.

Bury your guilt,
Your pain, your hate, your love
Go ahead and bury it
In any girl who will take you to bed with her.

Forget about me,
About you
About us.
Take your onemancircus to the next destination.
Don't get help.
Don't fight those demons.
Let your fear and self-hatred rule you.

I guarantee they'll get you far.
But they might also **** you,
In one way or another.

Living on the precipice,
Dancing with the shark in your head
Induces the biggest rush, sure.
But when you trade emptiness for loneliness,
Friendship for lust,
Health for adrenaline,

You'll end up hanging from that precipice,
By your fingertips.
How long can you hold on?

Sometimes I want to
check my luggage and leave it
forever unclaimed.

I will not
Roll over and die
And I'm tired
Of being a burden

Before
I was concerned
About my safety
Concerned about
My life

But now
I've pushed those
Fears aside
I will not be a burden
I don't care
The cost

I will not let
My family
Receive all the loss
All the money
It would take- all the money
In the world
Couldn't fix my problem
If there is still no solution

I won't put them
Into debt
Over my false hope

I won't forget
The things they said
And I will learn
My best to cope

I am a burden
And I walk with
These chains
But I will stitch
My lips closed
And bear with the pain

Should I stand
Or should I fall
In the end
Doesn't matter
At all

Because if I
Become a burden
To anyone around me
I would lose my sense
Of reality
I'd lose my chance
For living

I'm done pretending

The girl you see on the train
With a piercing to commemorate each heartbreak
Has a few in places you can't see
— Because you can't know her relationships;
You don't know her heartbreak, or pain.
Instead, you count the suitcases and handbags she is lugging.

The girl who got a new piercing each time her heart broke
Has more smile lines on her face than studs,
So you can see she has had a fair measure
Of good moments:
She is not all rough edges and elbows.

But what you don't know,
And can't tell
From looking at her alone,
Is that she got a tattoo
Each time that she moved on.

The girl with as many piercings as heartbreaks
-And as many tattoos as movings on-
Has eight pieces of jewellery
Strung through her skin,
But only seven markings
Inked into it,
Because she knows she'll never quite get over
The one she can't quite forget.

You'll have to speak to her to know her—
A stranger on the train—
And let her tell you about her life;
And one day you'll hold her hand
As she gets her eighth tattoo done.
Break out of your bubble, if only because
One day, eight heartbreaks in, you'll help her break even.