It’s hard to meet someone serious at college. Everyone’s busy,
self-centeredly grinding away at their dreams. So much so that
people tell you to not even try (especially as a freshman).

I was mostly at ease with myself—as a freshman. I had an
excellent skincare routine—it was downright luxuriant, and it
kept me going, through that romantically baren and lonely year.

But we humans hope—we buy lotto tickets to dream on—though we know the awful math. We Gen Z’s seem to have our own unique brand of loneliness, born of covid and Internet-age experience.

My romantic expectations, sophomore year, were low—ok, unmeasurable.

Looking around was depressing. There were socially awkward STEM majors, jocks, frat men (sure the world’s laid-out just for them) and ‘CSOM Bros" (business majors more interested in parlaying my Grandmère’s money than me) and the elusive, emotionally reserved, ‘regular guys.’

But the unexpected can happen. We all know how crowded campus coffee shops are—the students move in and out in tides as noisy as the real, salty ocean. And then there you were, a rumpled, 25-year-old doctoral student—from another world—asking to share my table.

The loudest thing in that room was your sense of stillness. You seemed to be a new and distinct species, and as we talked, you seemed to somehow smooth my anxious edges. After a few meets, the thought, ‘I really like this guy,’ seemed to have its own gravity.

We somehow managed to thread the ‘too busy to care’ dynamic, and as time went by, you helped me channel my absurd, fiery, pastel-painted, first-love, early-twenty girlhood heat into something longer lasting, deep and authentic. Congratulations! It’s been two years.

Separating now, would be like removing the salt from the sea.
.
.
Songs for this:
Playing House by Kudu
So Much Mine by The Story
After Last Night by The Revlons

it’s like I am reborn into confidence
drowning in my butterflies
feeling like I could run for miles
or maybe take my chance at flight

it’s like I am covered in warm blankets
and never hot enough to sweat
while snow clumps cling to trees outside
and I’m finally breathing air that’s fresh

it’s as if the world is completely changed
and there is nothing left to regret,
and I can finally breathe out calm air
and lay all my burdens to rest

it’s as if all things have disappeared
and the only things left are us,
but instead of feeling immensely lonely
I feel nothing except for your love

there’s nothing quite like my love for you
there’s nothing quite like your love for me;
thank you God for something so beautiful
thank you God, this was not supposed to be
and now I’m radiant in my care for her
and now I’m lost in a pleasant dream

it’s like commitment was never easier
it’s like love flows from bottomless fountains
it’s like I’m maturing in what love is
it’s like thankfulness and love is boundless-

He brought laughter and he was important to many.
He died 50 years ago and his name was Jack Benny.
Mel Blanc appeared quite often on Jack's show.
At the age of eighty, it was Benny's time to go.
If Jack had died one day earlier, he would've died on Christmas Day.
He was a very talented individual who died half a century ago today.
Jack was an actor and it's an actor's job to pretend.
He went into a coma before he died and it was sad because it was the end.

One year ago tonight, I had to watch as your life came to an end.
It was sad to witness your demise and I felt so much pain within.
You died in 2023 on the 9th of December.
You'll be a dog who I'll always remember.
When I saw you die, it was sad to know that you would have no tomorrow.
Each and every person who has lost a dog can understand my sorrow.
Last year, you didn't live long enough to see Christmas arrive.
Rest In Peace, Hazel, I certainly am sorry that you didn't survive.