Muted by the silence that I chose

Paralyzed by the fear of acting for myself

Trapped in a cage of my creation

I die in every way I try to live

Pain made me numb

Being numb renders my emotions absent

Like a dog patiently waiting for his owner that died

Like a child without a home

Like a cigarette lit but not smoked

Like a star who's light could never reach our eyes

I feel like all these things

Sad, lonely, pointless and invisible

Like I've always been.

Like I'll always be.

the kindergarden down the road
                                         had a revolt
            and the children insisted on self directing story-time

   two thirds in
     the hero abandoned their quest,
   turned into a bubble
   and evaporated

       the adults insisted a story needs a proper conclusion
                                                but they knew better


walk by

    light in the distance
bares at me

is it moving?
...
no
      it's not.
ah-
  it's gone now
...
  no
    there it is again

there     gone
there     gone

a silence becoming
and a silent vacating

unnerving  comfort


    the skateboarders down the road
         chiseled all the letters out of the road signs
    till all the tourists were helplessly lost
          / excuse me,
          / sorry,
          / what way to the lookout?

              \ you're already at it
              \ just keep going


a wail
   oscillating
bares at me

a bird or a car siren?

too organic for a machine
too regular for life

…

never mind

head home


  the church groups down the road
                          formed an action committee,
                                                      ­      after the flood

                       even had some humanitarian in
                                                              ­ to give a slide show

     but the software was updating
                        so we ended up watching the loading bar instead

              while the kids played in the puddles outside


    the asphalt damp
is borne to me

figures keep passing through
unformed spaces
with unfathomable ease
  alacrity

fragments pop glitter
     valley sparks
         of disheveled winter

pass by

tumble down through
grassy banks
  to the vermillion ocean

caulk the lungs
and drift

I'll follow you
from one place
to the next,
because you make me happy
And you're the one I want to be with.

Princess we may not
Always get along
In our lives
we may not talk often
But princess I certainly
Want you to no
No matter what we say
About each other
that no matter 
How long we flight
And how difficult
Our lives can be things can
Always change
In our hearts
But baby no what's
Said and done between
Each other
You will still always
Have me loving you.

In a piece of paper, my hopes and wishes are written,
Every pain and love, everything I keep hidden.
Placed in a bottle of wine
Together with all the pieces of my shattered heart
I seal this bottle with my soul.
A kiss will guide it to its goal.
In the ocean, my message in the bottle goes,
Hopefully, one day, it will reach you
Maybe my essence will be able to warm your ice cold body.
May you have happiness and peace,
Then I'll be at ease.

Once again, I say my sincere apology
In a parchment, I say it all,
In your hands it may fall.
This message in the bottle that travels the ocean.

I’ve been wanting to talk to you
But I can’t figure out what to say

Because now it’s 1am on October 1st
And I’m spinning around in the t-shirt
You left at my house (it still smells like you).

I’m so dizzy, waiting for my eyes to focus
But when they do, you’re not there.

So I keep spinning and spinning.
Because now it’s night time in this little city
And I’m sitting awake cross-legged on my perfectly made bed
And I’m tapping my thumbs
To the beat of all the songs you used to sing.
And I’m driving down the road
To sit at the stoplights we used to
Last winter when we almost fell in love.

I’ve been wanting to talk to you,
But I can’t figure out what to say.
Maybe,
“Hey, it’s me.
And it’s always been you.”

One day we’re gonna get away from here and
One day we’re going to share all the stars and
The pretty skies.
One day we’re going to have our own little house and
A giant dog—
One that’s practically my size.

One day I’m going to look over at you
Over midnight breakfast or afternoon drinks
Or writing or reading or after I wake,
And you will smile at me and
One day we will know we made it—
We ******* made it in spite of all the mistakes.

One day we’ll have a family and
A few curly headed babies—
He will have my eyes and she will have your smile.
One day we’re going to have our collection of expensive liquor and
Our big cozy bed and some nights we’ll get lost in them
For a little while.

One day we’ll have our endless filled notebooks—
And empty ones too—
And we’ll lose our favorite pens everywhere.
One day, or every day I hope, we’ll make love
All over the house and in the car and
Up and down the stairs.

One day we’re going to fall back in love and
One day we’ll know it was right all along.
It doesn’t matter how long it might take.
Time doesn’t mean much without you and
One day seems so far away but it’s okay—
I’m beyond willing to wait.