i keep running towards the sun
but the person i don't want to be
is my shadow.

- *CPM

home is not
him, her, & them
home is where
your mind, soul, & heart
connects to make you whole

you are your own home.
your bones are shields.
your smile is the sun
seeping through these
curtains every hour of the day,
and when these days are coming to an end
your garden has already grown
the most beautiful flowers.

to believe home is everything
but yourself is asking for a disaster
to break down the walls
you have been building for years.
home never lies in the hands
of another but your own.

- *CPM

in this thrifted sweater
and black and white floral skirt

in my soft and faded yellow
and on those pastel clouds
with my daydreaming eyes

i wanted a cheap ticket

you see,
i wanted a one way trip
to heaven
so i could stand protected
so i could stand behind
the holy gates,
bathing in gold light.
in my sweater,
wrapped in light
and safe.

little did i know i’d feel safer that day
that i’d taste some of heaven
in that sweater in late november
with your arm interlaced
in mine
like fate
had planned
for that to be
the moment our stars
aligned

you were a sunbeam
my sweater was security
and your arms beheld the stars
of the heavens
to me

and can i tell you something?
they were all
so
*yellow

Before the murky waters came
Life was different
Maw-Maw’s red-bricked house sat at the back of our dead-end road
The ever-welcoming glass door with the
Faulty hitch opened up to a two-step stair
Leading down into a living room
Encompassed with the smell of
Cajun cooking
And basked in the essence
Of Family

After the murky waters came
Life looked different
I remember the water whirl pooling into the tops of my
rain boots
As I trudged next door to my aunt’s water-lined house
To comfort Maw-Maw, who lost everything
Her tears falling into the stench-infested puddles at her feet
And jumping right back up in a splash as if they too
Were hurrying to find shelter

The heat of the sun held the
Stench of the monster
That had us all in its grip
Patches of brown grass mocked us
Where the water had decided to leave early
And accumulate somewhere else

Piles of our lives lined the driveways
Mildew fogged up the windows of
Miscellaneous cars and trucks
Which still held secrets that the murky waters left inside
What could be salvaged
What remnants were left
From before
The murky waters came

Floors were ripped up
Walls gutted out
Bricks broke easily under the weight
Of demolition
Our hearts broke easily under the weight
Of the water

I once watched a documentary about horror
Which was described as something that simply should not be
but somehow
is
Horror was the bulging, black molded bar in my kitchen
The scattered furniture in my living room
The stench that took over my senses at the opening of a door to go inside or outside; fresh air forgotten
The fact that my bedroom looked normal in spite of the soggy carpet and the
Drooping painting hanging on my wall,
Clothes strewn across my bed in an effort
To survive

After the murky waters left
Life was different
Life became “before the flood” and “after the flood”
“Hey, how are you,” became “have you heard from FEMA?”
“What are you up to” became “are y’all raising or demolishing?”
Three mountains of bricks down my road became
Trailers on pedestals
The trash, our former possessions, was eventually gone
New replaced the old

Now
life is life
We are thankful for what we have
We still sit on that wooden swing in the shade of the afternoon
And we reminisce of a time before the murky waters came
All the while appreciating the
Now

And we still laugh together
We still cry together
Up in that storm-safe trailer
At the back of our dead-end road
Gumbo is cooking on the stove
And we’re basking warmly in the essence
Of Family

ever since that august evening,
when our paths crossed,
everything in my old life changed,

my mornings became happy again,
my days grew bright,
no longer sleeping the days away without dreams.

learning to write words of love to you,
i spend my days through the seasons,
writing love songs for a dream,

throughout the seasons,
the cold of winter, words to warm your heart,
the scent of flowers and birds singing in the spring, words to make you smile,
the heat of summer, words to make you feel alive looking at the night sky,
the colorful leaves of autumn, words to help harvest your dreams.

east to west the sun travels,
knowing you are dreaming under the stars half a world away.

i fall asleep and dream,
of you and i together,
under a moonlit sky gazing in the soft moonlight,
letting us feel alive.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
I'm trying so hard to contain my pain,
But the darkness still surrounds me.
Soon I'll be happy and free,
But for now you're my only escape.
And when I crave the sharp end of the blade on my skin,
I replaced it with the image of your lips there instead.

This is too good to be true,
Just break my heart already.
Everything about you,
Makes my heart feel steady.

You've become my greatest fear,
Even though I know you mean no harm.
So wrapped in you dear,
With nothing around me but your arm.

I never meant to care this much,
But somehow you caught me off guard.
I can't resist the feel of your touch;
I tried not to fall, but it was way too hard.

Each sweet little kiss drawing me deeper into you.
I can see it in your eyes,
You feel the same way I do.

So just stitch your heart with mine,
And finally, they'll align.
We'll commit the greatest crime,
Our love concurring even time.