I have reached a resting stop in my life long journey towards complete and utter happiness. I am drained, weak, and nauseous. I can't do a single thing in life without worrying about a consequence, a mistake, a fear. If I move on; will I be wishing I stayed? If I stayed will I forever be regretting my decision? I need to see the world, but I also enjoy some things in this life. I crave adventure, but comfort is easy to find and 'home' it is easy to call.  I want to see what life has to offer, but what if it isn't as glorious as people proclaim? what if I am not the person I believe I am? a unique writer who craves inspiring scenery? Or am I just a little girl who's been thrown around by society, mind so hazed that I cannot figure out what I truly desire? Life; it's a living hell - but with an open mind and no pessimistic outlooks, it can be a best selling book waiting to be written. I might have the ability and opportunity to be the Author, through terrors, tortures, and turmoil... I might be able to make my hell into someone else's hope. I just have to keep going, moving forward, and stop looking back and dawning on the past.

Death is a perfume
That can be smelt
Any time in life.

For the odor is
Death telling us
That the string is
Now cut on this life.

The perfume of
Death invites many
To stay, to dispose
Of this shell,
To let the nature
Take it away.

The perfume of
Death is always
Around, as long
As those living
Pass and the
Shell does decay.

i have been placed on to a pedestal.
for every one to gawk at and be repulsed by.
I do not hate these people for judging what I've done.
I'm an animal
trapped in a cage
confused,
but understanding when a finger is pointed my way and the booming voices shout
'YOU HAVE BETRAYED US!!'
And what tears my insides apart
is that I have not only
betrayed
my friends,
but also myself.
I despise what I see in the mirror;
mentally
physically
even the existence of my being.
how can the unforgivable
be forgiven?

Forever will never be enough.
Time will never last long enough.
I was never strong enough
to keep you safe.
I was told I would never be good enough,
you proved them wrong at first.
Holding my hand, while caressing my heart with your passion of life.
But now you've ruined it all.
By using the hands you held onto mine so strongly with to end your own life.
Now I'm told that you saw the real me,
and wanted no part.
I can see right through the lies..
but oh
you selfish ******* you.
You left me, alone and confused.
all the while of never
thinking to hand me back my heart
before
you ruined me.
completely and infinitely;
I will always remain broken.