You wouldn't know what
I was doing after you stopped
texting me that morning
of your surgery.
As soon as you said goodbye
I threw my phone to the wall
and sobbed into my pillow.
I had to stop myself from screaming
out your name, so I just mustered up
stifling sobs and muffled "I love you's"
and "please don't leave me baby".

I could feel stabbing pains make its way
up my body as they put the rods and
screws inside of your spine.
Eleven times my heart combusted
throughout the day and the thought
of you without me almost
killed me.

I wonder what you thought of
under the anesthesia.
Was it me?
Your friends?
The Beatles or Led Zeppelin?
Or maybe it was nothing.

I know that all I could think about
was the worst things possible
and how I wished I could have just
kept you safe in my arms because
thats the safest place you could've been
in that day and time (or any day
and time for that matter).

But, now that your spine is
un-curved and you are okay,
I thought something was
going to change between us.
I was afraid that maybe the thing that
caused you to fall in love with me
was taken out somehow
and rearranged so that
your spine didn't curve towards
me anymore.

I was afraid that you wouldn't have loved me anymore.

But, now I see that I was foolish for being so afraid.
You are better than ever and you are still mine!
And I just love you so much,
you know that, dear?

*I'm just glad you're safe and feeling well, baby.

i wanted to write
about how you made me feel
but the page was empty
and i suddenly realized
it's the perfect explanation