You wouldn't know what I was doing after you stopped texting me that morning of your surgery. As soon as you said goodbye I threw my phone to the wall and sobbed into my pillow. I had to stop myself from screaming out your name, so I just mustered up stifling sobs and muffled "I love you's" and "please don't leave me baby".
I could feel stabbing pains make its way up my body as they put the rods and screws inside of your spine. Eleven times my heart combusted throughout the day and the thought of you without me almost killed me.
I wonder what you thought of under the anesthesia. Was it me? Your friends? The Beatles or Led Zeppelin? Or maybe it was nothing.
I know that all I could think about was the worst things possible and how I wished I could have just kept you safe in my arms because thats the safest place you could've been in that day and time (or any day and time for that matter).
But, now that your spine is un-curved and you are okay, I thought something was going to change between us. I was afraid that maybe the thing that caused you to fall in love with me was taken out somehow and rearranged so that your spine didn't curve towards me anymore.
I was afraid that you wouldn't have loved me anymore.
But, now I see that I was foolish for being so afraid. You are better than ever and you are still mine! And I just love you so much, you know that, dear?
*I'm just glad you're safe and feeling well, baby.
I know its long, but I'm in love and i was afraid and this is for my baby girl, L, who is the strongest person Ive ever known and I'm just so glad to love her as much as I do. <3 I love you so much.