im "the happy friend"

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to rely on drugs for happiness

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to wake up everyday, and wish they still were dreaming

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to be the mediator of family fights

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to avoid looking at themselves at certain angles

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to constantly **** in their tummy- making sure they're still paper thin

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to lay in bed- tears welling in their eyes

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to feel the constant weight of the universe resting on their chest

why would i feel that

after all

i am the "happy friend"

Bellies full
Lips bleed, cracked, dry
Senses dull
I don't care to know why
You rhyme, you reason
An affliction, a season
You lead me on
You commit treason

Wash away all that was you
Here at heartache #2
Fool me once, shame on you
Here at twice, it won't do

A ship lost without it's keel
No direction or way to feel
Just a 'victim' of the deal
A bought and broken seal

Lines go dumb
Comfortably numb
Nothing is won
Your number is one

Sad
Sick
Defeated
And completely blind

I feel like I'm going insane.
I can't remember anything.
My short term memory is, poor at best.
My long term memory continues to fade.

Dissociation
Depersonalization
Derealization

I have an MS but you would never know.
I'm too dumb to get a PhD.
I'm too dumb to communicate with most people.

I'm checking out.
Missing gaps.
Making up stories.

there was a time
we broke the bones
of each other's poems
and savored marrow
explored what made them breathe
sought out
warm arterial pulses
examined the hearts
to find the essence of their lives

it was vital to us
in the truest sense of the word

life today is too cheap
to waste that much time

three small words

the first time
i felt sick
could not believe
never heard before
never felt before
called you foolish
but only after
did i understand
your painful truth

people always leave

and so did you