Since you left i've changed
im crafting a body that youll never get to touch
earning the caluses and scrapes on my hands that youll never get to run your fingers across

I got a new perfume too
its no longer the fresh floral, but rather now it is the soft vanilla that fills my mind with the visions of when i bake at home with my mother

my new favorite color is the deepest and richest sage
reminding me of abundance and freshness, the life that comes after dark, and the beauty in the hidden

as the jungle hides her most prized posessions behind the masses of leaves and wild grasses

New voices are filling my ears
those of old friends are reminding me of the memories we have back at home
while strangers share their goals and lessons with me
adding to my library of experiences and wisdom

My bed is no longer against the wall but is now located in the center of the wall
because the sunshine hits the middle of the room and beams in casting rays and rainbows across the room arund 2oclock everyday

My eyes no longer desperately search for you or your face in crowds or when i walk downtown. They dance around, taking in all of the new sights, the colors and shapes that orchestrate the life that im living

Im changing and i hope youre changing too

Theres that saying
When youre born in a burning house
You think the whole world is on fire
I wasnt born in a burning house
I was born by the sea
Where the windows were always open
And the sky was always blue and the birds flew in circles and sewed the clouds together
I was born on an island
With abundant fruit and milk
I took vacations to foreign lands
Where people spoke in different dialect but with the same tongues
Where the sun warmed the ground different, and the air was scented with adventure and exotic prose

You weren’t born in a burning house
You were a gift to the burning house
Your first breath was full of ash and dust
You were born with a broken sense of trust, and a fear in your heart
When you went on vacations you traveled to volcanos and traveled burning rock and soot
You laughter was muffled by the coughs from your smoke filled lungs
And your eyes burned from the smoke that was constantly around you

Smoke and fire spreads faster than clean air and water
Friend and foe, fire and water
We were born to cross paths
And forced to blaze against eachother
You threw fire at me, and I defended myself with my waves
We had moments of calm however
Where my cold tides were warmed by your flames
When your blaze caught to your surroundings
I shamelessly shielded you and helped to reduce the damage

Friend and foe, fire and water
We needed eachother to survive
But our paths weren’t made to fight forever
Eventually we turned backs and walked in opposite directions
I survived and fought on my own before you entered
And I know that I can do it again

i went out last night for the first time since letting you go
i found myself searching for the tone of your voice in everyone around me
and the soft smile of yours on all of the faces that surrounded me
i listened for your laugh, but the air was empty
the smell of your cologne wasnt lingering
nor was your touch on my skin

i miss you
but i know that youre only going to hurt me

the timing of time for you and i was off

maybe the universe was trying to tell us something
or maybe it was trying to save us

i was never able to love myself
so i loved you

i was never able to care for myself
so i cared for you

i was never able to speak for myself
so i helped you arrange your syllables

i was never able to see through the lens
so i looked on with you

i was always able to feel the pain
you were never able to fix it

i was always able to feel your pain
but you never felt mine

i frantically search for your hand in the darkness
but when i make it to the other side
i know ill be able to hold on forever

meeting you was like learning a new dance
uncertain and unsteady at first
but eventually learning the steps, and keeping to the beat

as time went on however
the dance became muscle memory
no more passion, no more muse
just an empty, mechanical response, series of ups and downs

our love was a dance
slowly losing its soul

it leaves me feeling empty
as we are just two skeletons dancing to an mechanical, automatic rhythm