What is it I'm here for?
I swear I stay in my feels
Yeah I **** up man
But come on what's the deal

I work really hard, &
I tell  uto keep it real.
But all these mother ******* out for positivity to steal.

I Keep my head high or something like that...
Hating *** ******* still tryna tilt it back.

I don't give a **** about about what everyone has to say..
I'm out here living and guess what my  rents still gonna get paid.

You fake ******* I'll slay...
Looking for a man to pay your way.

I don't need **** from any of you sheep *** *******.
I'm a wolf, lead the pack, quick attack.. you need stitches.

You can't  keep up with me
At least not mentally

All you haters do is talk **** all day but could you really step it G?
Ha. That I'd like to see.

I don't know if it's just me..
But for once everyone
Just leave me be.

Drink wine to clear my head
Smoke something;
Goto bed.

Its like a big brick wall that you
just can't climb.
You gaze up and see its height,
then you give up before you try.
Its like the ticking of a clock,
but not as easily defined.
Because you can track it as much as you want, but you can't change back time.
It's the feeling you get
right before you let go.
It's the butterflies you get
when you jump off love's thin tight
rope.
It's the thoughts you can't block out when you
look in the mirror.
It's almost like the brother, to anger and fear.
It's the feeling you get when you're not sure.
It's everything that falls under the catagory of
insecure.

I feel like the world will not stop turning,
From my mistakes I choose not to stop learning,  
We only know what we're told,
&& somehow I feel The universe has already been sold.
Bought for a dollar,
Or maybe given to a scholar,
What about people like me?
Who are little,
& have to scream to be heard by the taller?
What about the ones who don't want to conform?
What about us, the outcasts
Or us who easily take a room by storm?
You  call us trouble, because we're not like you,
But we're simply rebels,
& it's far too late for a truce.

I guess this is it,
I guess its finally done.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised,
I knew I wasn't the one.

I don't know what I was expecting from you
I know I can't expect it to be me you choose.
All I know is I was certian I was ready to
start pushing you away,
and in this time you've found someone to fill in my absent space.
For the record with that I will never be okay.

It is what it is, and I must let you go,
I never wanted to loose you
I don't know why I hadn't already lost hope.

As time has moved on
from you there is no sound,
just the ticking of me,
I'm now a time bomb.

I'm small & short fused,
feeling like I gave you all my love
& you've taken it just to abuse.

As my fuse grows shorter'
you distance yourself further.
I feel like my feelings are nothing but ******.
I can feel my self exploding
because I've held on for too long..
Suddley silence,
no more ticking, from me
the time bomb.
*boom

You haunt me,
You haunt me in my dreams,
With nothing beautiful or of what we could be.
You haunt me with the things I was too blind to see.
You haunt me in every way,
You haunt me even though i know there's nothing left to say.
With every day that may pass I tell myself
That nothing ever lasts.
You left a bitter sweet taste in my heart and soul,
I keep telling myself, not to feel guilty,
Not to be cold.
But you haunt me, you haunt me
And I can't gain control.
Loosing my grip
I'm not scared anymore, that we have deminished,
I Just want your haunting days to finish.

Lies are over whelming when they come from you.
I guess its since I've always relied on you to tell the truth.
now I'm stuck here, like what the **** do I do?

You act like it's okay to lie to my face.
then you hurt my pride,
and expect a clean slate?

sometimes I feel all the love I show is a mistake.
because everyone just wants to take take take...

I thought our love was all above, and elevated and ****,
You've been lying to me since our relationship was a kid.

Now we've grown together and
I learned I wasn't as smart as I shoulda been,
helping you in ways when I thought you needed it.

you didn't need it, you just wanted to take advantage,
Now I'm here stuck, this smiley face just slanted,
you're a savage,

The way you strike those words,
like a match outta the box,
you're ready to light fire works.
because you're a sligh little fox.

Surround myself in silence,
As I sit in this room.
Door's shut, blinds closed;
I'm accompanied by darkness and gloom.
Drowning myself with words you've said.
If only you knew the monsters I fight in my head.
The struggle to succeed,
The struggle to sustain,
To continue, to believe.
Believe in what sometimes I wonder.
When I feel like my whole life has been nothing but a tumble.
I've always been loyal,
& never too careful.
I've Never needed love
the way I feign yours
I've Never sought attention,
But some how your attention sends me through floors.

I never knew
that I could be seen
I never knew
That's why my heart allows me
To be mean.

I never knew
That for you I care
I never knew,
I was just ironically always
There.

I never knew
I could let my true colors show
But look at you,
You call my colors out
As if I'm signaling smoke.

I never knew
I was capable of making
Anyone's attention so indivisible
I never knew what's it's like
To not be invisible.

I've never felt so useless; I'm so used to being used. Am I just being thrown and tossed around like an abused piece of news?  
Old news is that what I am? I remember hard times before when you couldn't I'd always rise and take a stand.
Seems to quickly we, as people, forget how to be a friends; tempers flaring, words daring then hours later waiting to make amends.
While my feelings are hurt, And your basically floored, this whole time we both feel like we're being  ignored.
Our fights they're terrible I can admit that, I can also admit our friend ship isn't half bad.
Actually I like you most, you just don't see... Have I ever kept anyone for that long around me? The people in that category I can only name about three.
     honestly I can say that most of the problem is with in myself, I really can't tell when it's real so I always have with held.
With held the extent  in which my friendships go, when ever I hit the road. It's always been alone.
With hold my feelings because I'm scared they're wrong, **** I even with hold the name of my favorite song.
I've been told before I'm easy to love but hard to know, I'm just so used to being overlooked that I thought people would really careless to know.  
I'm scared I'm not enough and that I will never suceed. I'm scared to love and then in it bleed.
There's apart of me that feels like I'm trapped in my own little realm, and I'm so far gone no one cares to help.
So I shut my self down and the ones that I love, but not because it I'm above,  it's more because I feel I'll never be enough.
I set outrageously high expectations,
So that I can't commit to any kind of relations.  It's just easier like that, dealing with me is no mental vacation.
I've  told you I knew the problem was me, don't ever for a second think I'm too blind to see.
I know I'm a monster and act like I don't care, I just know that even though everyone says it, they won't always be there.
It's not that I feel you won't, I just know what it's like and I've lost all hope.
So then I **** up on purpose cuz I'm a ***** and I'm scared. Ironically you're still always around the corner... Just there.
Waiting for what, I really don't know,
But I won't ever be different, I just don't know how to go with the flow.
And for all those reasons that's why I'm alone, I'm just grateful you haven't gone.
I don't  wanna fuss, dont wanna fight, just wanna make sure you my friend are at home and are ready to smoke a blunt tonight.
All my insecurities are giving me a headache, so I puff on the blunt to watch them vacate
They disappear like the clouds of smoke I exhale, turn the music real loud and think of something random like retail.
& just disappear even if it's for a second,
I know I'm terrible I told you I'd admit it.
Of course the insecurities always come back, but I'm really trying here please just help me and cut me some slack.

You don't know how I feel,
How could you possibly?
My attention you steal;
When it was never yours to keep.

A thief in the night,
You've come to take my heart.
You gave me some light
But not enough; it's still dark.

I'm feeling so jaded,
I love you so much
I almost hate it.

You've driven me down
Just to build me back up.
At the end of the day
Still all I want is your love.

Emotions high tide.
Waves come and go
like the waves in the ocean.
So sad right now but my heart isn't broken.
It's Unpredictable but evident,
When the  waves move in.
Here in a moment
Gone in a glance.
I thought with you I'd never stand a chance.
The way I feel I need to be,
Is close but not attached,
Our love is something like a trip to the beach; Our journey can't be matched.
It's hot outside,
While the sun's so pretty & my skin's slowly burning.
I'm supposed to protect myself
Then I forget,
Because I'm still learning.
As Days go by,  Times keeps turning
Slowly but surely, I can feel it's the end of our journey.
Just Walk with me,
on the sand in my beach,
We'll see the sunrise,
Forget life and all it's ties.

I am easily make believe,
Dress me up in what you want me to be,
Then rip the heart right off my sleeve.
Still I beg you not to leave.

Am I being led by my spirt...
Or led by my wound?
My heart can't bare this darkness,
My thoughts are all gloom.
I thought if I rescued you,
You'd some how save me too.
Little did I know I'm just too high off your fumes.
I never thought of myself to always question..
Your every move & not trust your intention.
I try to find who's to blame...
Then I recall  everytime i hear my own name.

Sometimes I wonder
Why my head's in a blunder?
Spinning in spirals;
My mind is no longer an organized file.
The love you give is so, to me, foreign;
And now my heart is ,somehow, torn.
So unsure of what you think...
Or maybe this illusion is only with in me?
Who knows? Only time can honestly tell.
Shatter my hopes,
Or buy me a veil...
when life gets hard and seems unfair,
I will still always be there.

He calls me the love of his life,
And I feel the same. If both of us are telling the truth, why do I feel so much pain?