soph - Hello Poetry

soph May 2018

Past

I mourn for the past
I mourn for the me I once knew
Someone carefree
Someone healthy
Going and going without thinking twice
Jumping and leaping without a care
What I would give to dance again
To walk on the beach without being in pain
To climb to new heights without fear of a fall
I miss my old spirit
I miss being a normal teen
I miss achieving the highest and being the best
College
Relationships
Careers
It’s all different now
I had a plan
I miss my plan
I want a plan
But I can only play life by ear
If only
I could jump back into my old body
Crawl back into my old brain
Feel young again
Feel the weight lifted off of my shoulders
Rip the labels off of me and toss them aside
I miss Sophie, the honor roll student
I miss Sophie, the actress
I miss Sophie, the future teacher
I can no longer escape the boundaries
Of Sophie, the sick kid

another emo poem about chronic illness?? whaaa??
yeah, that’s going to be a repetitive topic here. don’t want to get t o o emo, but it can **** sometimes being sick this young. I’m just lucky I had a childhood before this. I was looking at the Instagram account of a toddler with so many illnesses, and it made me realize how lucky I was to have those healthy years. that thought pattern led to the existence of this poem

#spoonie #chronic #illness #mourning #past #looking #back #loss

soph May 2018

Friend

An old friend I used to have
We were sisters, bonded together
Sharing company every chance we had
The sweet and funny demeanor she kept
Made me blind to her dark side
She pulled me under her spell
I was amazed by the way she carried herself
I wanted to be her
As days went on, her dark side started to show
A rude comment followed by laughter
A stab wound covered by a bandage
I began to see
The true colors
No one else could see them but me
And I became the one with the dark side
Now and then
I want to forgive
I want to mend the friendship
I remember the good times we shared
Some things
Just can’t be mended
Some people
Just can’t be changed

I wrote this about my ex best friend that I think about too often. fun fact: I almost wrote this as an acrostic poem spelling her full name but I figured that would be too shady dhdhsjs

#ex #best #friend #pain #thoughts #heartbreak #bad

soph May 2018

Pills

I open up the cabinet
Take out the box
Flip the tab
Pour the contents into my hands
Little capsules
Little tablets
Each doing a different job
Controlling my lungs
Regulating my minerals
Making my body functional
One little tablet
Or the lack thereof
Can change my life
I direct my hand towards my mouth
Take a swig of water
And swallow

yeah I wrote a poem about taking my nightly medicine dhdhsj im a mess

#pills #medicine #spoonie #chronic #illness #health

soph May 2018

X

I’m done
I don’t want to talk
Your face makes me uneasy
Your name makes me queasy
You come out of nowhere
Saying you miss me
It stings
I feel guilty for what I do
And what I don’t do
It hurts
I apologize
Though there’s no need
You say you understand
But you don’t
You really
Really
Do
Not
Understand
No one really does
But you
Especially
Do not understand
So stop pretending
If you think we could talk this out
It’s crystal clear
You don’t understand
The emotions you spill fall on me like bricks
Weighing me down with every syllable
Making me wish I was not myself
Making me wish I was a past me
A me that wasn’t tired
A me that wasn’t sick
A me that wasn’t hurting
I mourn my past me
And you do too
This can’t work
I can’t deal
Left on read
I’m sorry

someone I really don’t want to interact with texted me last night and it made me emotional woot woot

#emotional #ex #friend #breakup #broken #ugh #bad #text

soph May 2018

Thoughts

My thoughts are racing
They will not stop
Storms are brewing
Waves are rolling
Too much
Too much
I keep it in
It’s bound to burst
Frenzied thoughts
The headache sets in
Dark clouds
No sleep
Just thoughts
More and more and more and more
Keep it in
Keep your cool
Three
Two
One
A scream erupts from inside
Thunder crashes
Lightning strikes
The storm has began
A piece of paper
A ballpoint pen
The thoughts spill out
The paper fills
The storm is calm
Time for sleep

hi I’m sophie and overthinking is one of my greatest talents and skills

#overthinking #thoughts #restless #night #mind #wandering

soph May 2018

Sick

Sick.
Cough.
Sneeze.
Groan.
Sick.
My sick is different.
My sick follows me like a dark cloud every second of every day.
My sick stalks me like a lion, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
Sick.
My joints ache as I walk, but I keep walking.
My stomach burns as I eat, but I keep eating.
My insides scream as I smile, but I keep smiling.
Sick.
I keep the sick hidden under a smile.
I accept it as my best friend and worst enemy.
I have learned to be tough so I won’t become my sick.
Sick.

I wrote a poem about my chronic illness (Sjögren’s syndrome) a few days ago and it felt fitting to post it today because I’m getting an infusion today woohoo!!

#chronic #illness #spoonie #sjgrens #autoimmune #sick

soph May 2018

Explore

Take out the map
Turn the key
Let’s explore
I want to know
I want to feel
Every inch
Of your pretty mind
Thoughts are swirling
Mind is racing
Let me in
Let’s explore

woohoo first poem!! I’m not. The greatest at writing but it’s ok dhdhsjs
this isn’t really based off of anyone in particular it kinda just came to my head

#first #poem

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