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 Oct 2017 sadgirl
Middy
I'm sitting in my usual corner
Of the coffee shop in town
The morning's come
The day has begun
So where's the singing birds?

It's a very quiet morning
Only three cars passed by
A black Nissan Pick Up truck
A siver Honda car
And a truck heading to the south
To give us our supplies
That the farmers and poor make
Just for us
But get no credit or coin

I'm looking around and I see
Five people in the room
Six if you count the homeless man
Staring through the window
A black Labrador next to him
He's staring at me

The man in the corner
Has several wrinkles
Maybe 50? 60? 70?
He's got very milky coffee
Next to the newspaper he has
He's looking at the crossword
And raging with silent curses
That he thinks no one can hear
But if you look in his eyes
You see the frustration in them

A female teenager
She's staring at me
What is she jealous of now?
I really don't know what.
She's just glancing
Staring and glancing
As she sips her vanilla mocha
With her long hot pink nails
And sighs with her ruby red lips
You see jealousy in her green eyes
So sharp and cat like
You can almost smell it

There's a woman in her thirties
She is still smoking and puffing
And putting her ashes in the tray
' another interaction with cancer '
I think as she stares into space
If you look into her chocolate eyes
The same colour as her tea
She's thinking very deeply
As I am right now

There's a man at the coffee bar
Whistling away
He's cleaning up the desk
Waiting for the next customer
Waiting for the new order
Then he will make their drink
Make a working man smile
And a tired mother laugh
But it's not helping the man
The homeless one outside
Yet when you look into his eyes
His bright hazel will show
Happiness and joy

There's a guy in the corner
Listening to some music
With his black coffee on
I sit with him
Even though he's misjudged
And he flashes me a smile
As his black and purple hair
Is tossed around by his hand

" you've been writing a lot, love "
He smiles as he stops his songs

" I know. " I reply.

I see him everyday
He's going through something
Sad and tough
And when you look at his eyes
A deep greyish blue
He's had enough of it

" are you sad? " I whisper
Looking at him
He turns away with tears
They're welling up in his eyes

" it's ok, " I smile
And pat his shaking shoulder
" you're never alone.
I'm your friend "

He looks at me in the eyes
My observant and gentle eyes
They show comfort when I see him
Smiling at long last

I soon have to go.
Places to be
Places to go

" see you tomorrow "
He smiles at me

" see you soon! "
I smile back at him

I make sure to get a take away
A plain coffee with a packet
Of sweet smelling sugar
I give it to the homeless man
You should've seen the
Joy and happiness in his eyes!
 Oct 2017 sadgirl
Middy
Smart
 Oct 2017 sadgirl
Middy
This child
A school boy
Who can't stop
Moving and won't
Stop talking or saying
Stuff that's out of the topic
He will be a kind man who
Won't give up on his hopes
Or dreams he always has
He will often laugh and
Dance and moonwalk
Putting a smile on
Others' faces
But some will
Taunt him and
Cackle at his antics
Some will think he is
Mad, crazy or energetic
He will struggle through life
But he will climb mountains and
He will scream for millions to hear

......................He is smart....................
I'm writing in a few form today! Anyone like?
This was inspired after i met two people at a party a few days ago. One with ADHD and autism and the other with Aspergers. We both talked and it turns the man with ADHD was diagnosed only recently as an adult. They are both very kind people and the man with Aspergers is very clever and nice. Adding them here is a little way of saying a thanks for meeting them.
 Oct 2017 sadgirl
blue mercury
to the monsters under my bed//

i see all of you. in this distorted pink glow, i see you. you whisper at night when i’m wrapped in blankets and my toes are cold. you say things. you creep into my mind and whisper tainted words that are not sweet nothings, but bitter everythings. i do not dream. i become my fears, shattering mirrors so i do not have to see them. i don’t have to see myself.

you are these battle scars, and the reason i am ashamed of them. you are the soft melody with harsh words and you’re on repeat. you’re ******* relentless.

when i was younger, you stayed in my bedroom and came out at night to taunt me. you’re everywhere now. your insults are the godforsaken soundtrack i’m living with.

living. what’s that mean? i sometimes wish i could carve strength from my bones, and wear it around my neck. i slide in and out of the present. no one notices, and the only relic that i bring from this time travel is an ugly one.

i remember being touched on my upper thigh/hands on my face/fear/living in the eyes of the sun/nothing. i remember nothing.

i hate you.

i hate the taste of damp salt. i miss the key to my heart being copied and handed to those who wanted to explore it. i don’t miss the house parties held there by the undeserving. the mess left. the cleaning process. attempting to heal.

some days i awoke and all of your eyes were staring into mine. it did not feel like looking at the stars. it felt like a glimpse of hell. a swear word. a sea of red.

i see all of you. but that doesn't mean that i accept you. in this distorted pink glow, i see you. and you’re not just under my bed.
 Oct 2017 sadgirl
Mims
The girl you met at a party
And bonded with over how your father's are *******,
And which year you wanted to **** yourselves.

Who, you would laugh with
But never date
Not just because she's gay,
But because her anxiety is crazy,
Like yours.

You will talk about beer
And she will notice that boys with drunk families either love
Or hate the stuff

She will see you growing older
Becoming a drunk like your father
And watching your potential
Go down the drain

Because you tell her how you missed 80 days of school
And they can't technically expel you
Because you had a doctors note for your anxiety
She tells you how she didn't learn anything in 6th grade
Except which pills to take
To numb her brain

She will hold your hand while you run down a hill
Away from the other 'normal' kids,
For quiet.

She will grab your shoulder when you tell her you punched a brick wall till your fingers broke
And tell you "buddy, get some better coping mechanisms"

You'll talk about beer again
And she'll talk about how flowers make her angry

You'll play truth or dare
With normal kids
And you will get defensive of her

Why did you get defensive of me
So quickly

Is it because I was vulnerable with you?

Is it because I hugged you when you left and told you

If your father ever hits you again

Call the ******* cops.

Is it because you see you in me?

Is it because I am the healthy now you strive to be

If she could keep you alive a little longer
She would show you all the songs she wrote for you

"I wish I knew you in 8th grade
Because I would've never let you near that belt in the first place"

You say you're happy you didn't **** yourself, because now you have her.

She talks to you everyday
And her dark comedy flies through
Stupid movie quotes

With her
You talk about the future
Like something you look forward to,
Not like a fairy tale your mother told you,
Before you knew what scars looked like,
Before you knew the color of your blood.
I care about you.
 Oct 2017 sadgirl
Middy
You can't take it
You can't live with it
The pain is too much
The kids at school
They keep hurting you
Or maybe it was your father
Maybe your mother
Maybe they're both dead
Like how you will be soon
Maybe you're in love with abusers
Maybe you are simply sad
But either way
You can't take it anymore

You take a rope from the attic
You grab a gun from the cuboard
You steal a knife from the kitchen
You're at the bridge over the river
You're on a railway with a train
Wherever you are
Whatever you have
It doesn't matter now

You take a rope from the attic
The kids at school
They taunt you and laugh
They say they wish you were dead
Well their wish is coming true
You're suffocating
You're silent
You're gone

You grab a gun from the cuboard
Safety is off
You're in your room
You whisper a goodbye
To the father who hurt you
To the brother who loves you
BANG
The shot can be heard for miles
You're gone

You steal a knife from the kitchen
Your mother's prying eyes
Who breaks your heart
With hateful words
You're in your bathroom
You hold the knife to your wrist
Your lifeline is bleeding out
The blood is on the white floor
You're gone

You're on a bridge
There's a cold and fast flowing
River of tears and sorrow
Your mother is gone
Your father is gone
Time for you to go
You leave your other family
Who are grieving with you
You jump
You fall
You're gone

You're at a railway with a train
Ready to hit you with pain
It wouldn't be the driver's fault
It was the abuser
You thought loved you
But you were wrong
You are hit by the train
It stops with your broken heart
You're gone

Where is the rope burn?
It burns your parents
They weep and wail
They lost their child
They're sunk into a sea of sadness
They read the note
They beg dear god above
" why were we not enough? "

Who did you shoot?
Your brother's chest
He's staring silently
At his sibling's dead body
As he stutters and sobs
He wonders
" why was I not enough? "

Who was stabbed?
Why your sister
She doesn't know who to talk to
She doesn't know who can help
As she screams for the neighbors
As your heartbeat stops
" why was I not enough? "

Who drowned?
The family you left behind
Your uncle is silent
Your aunt is shocked
Your cousins, your grandparents
They cant believe it
" why were we not enough? "

Where is the wound?
It bleeds in your friends' hearts
No matter how many you have
Or rather had
They can't stop crying
They can't stop thinking
" why were we not enough? "

Your name is in the papers
You're on the front covers
The world is full of tears
The news reporter is upset
There's a book with your name
There's ****** roses on your grave
Marked with your name

You stop
You think
You put away the rope
You put the gun back
You replace the knife
You walk away from the bridge
You run off the railway
You hide your tears in the rain
But you think
Think, think.
Maybe you can live one more day
Or two days, three days,
Four days, five days, six days
A week or two
A month or more
A year or so
Maybe forever
You won't take away the pain by killing yourself. All you'll do is pass it on
People care, I promise they do.
If no one does, I do.
Dishes served full are well laid on the table
prawns are glittering adornments
though only yesterday
their tentacles were tasting the river
not knowing they would be in another water
in the river of saliva
grinded and pulped for a tasty moksha.

The rain falls unabated from last night.

Who'll go out to feed?, asks a voice.

Does never being hungry feel the same stress
as being hungry most of the time?

The answer is in the clouded eyes
watching the eyes
joyful for one more chance.
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