Hey you! Yes, you. Exactly.
You mesmerize me.
You confuse me when you use me and disuse me and then amuse me.
You convince me you love me when you hold me and then grab me to leave me
Grieving, mourning in the morning while you're yawning
Cause I know, for you, that's boring.
Caring? Yes you used to
Back then when you took me into
Your heart and wrapped me inside
And kept me beside..you.
F*ck you I miss you
I despise you, I want you I don't need you
No leave me alone. Go away.
I love you, when you love me too
But you barely do - to me what you do to him.
Singing love lullabies for him
Teasing, touching, squeezing, riding
Crying when finding he's cheating
Unyielding when told to ditch him.
Attaching. Detachment you explored when emotions implored your grievance to drown your core-heart deep in these blood rivered wounds.
I deplored this.
Vulnerable, you felt safer in his brutality
When pieces of your shattered dreams
Were drilled beneath your shredded skin.
Love was and is what you need.
But from him?
Love is devoid of gleam.
And with him, chances of a Romeo and Juliet are slim.

The truth is bleeding out of my pores
And yet the feelings are all bottled up inside
I fall out of my skin, disappearing out the back door
Losing my mind, struggling to find the best place to hide
Running laps around the sounds of my own screams
Trying to decide which dreams I should or should not believe
Thinking that my life is no more than it seems
And these struggles I have are sent by the devil to deceive
It works; the lies, the hate, the pain that I'm put through
It makes me break down and I get scared of the truth
But the suicidal thoughts in my mind all lead back to you
And the tears that stream down my cheeks burn like a fire
That's bigger than all the flames of rage from my youth
It hurts; it builds in my soul before it pours out my eyes
Becoming rivers that flood my life with disguises and lies
I don't know how to make it all fade away, to disappear
Because it's more than I can handle and I hate to admit it
But it fuels my spirit and awakens all my childhood fears
Chilling me to my core, causing me to give up, simply quit
How do I do that? How do I commit myself to suicide?
Is that what I really want? Is that truly what I need?
Do I believe that my life is only my choice to decide?
And if I hide in the corners of my mind, will I still bleed?
These are the things I ask myself every morning when I wake up
As I stare at all the sugar settled at the bottom of my coffee cup
Then the caffeine hits me and I finally start to think clearly
What was I thinking? There is no way in hell I'll ever give up

Regretting Some Past Mistakes
Realizing what's actually At stake
Feeling so helpless and confused
So many memories of your abuse
Screaming, kicking, punching
Just too much fighting
You always knew the best ways to hurt me
Now you wanna take away what means everything
Like your final play to torture me
For eternity
What right do you have to judge me?
To look down upon me?
I am only all that you've made of me
This so called monster that you love to hate
Is just the manifestation of what you helped create
You WILL regret this
In the end, you will lose
I won't let you win, not again
They'll realize what you're trying to do
Remembering the years of abuse
And they'll HATE you
You can never destroy a mother's love
Although I know you're willing to try
When I win this battle for what I hold dear
Don't come crawling to me with tears in your eyes
Cause I won't be here

Today, a mistake was made
              Some words were said,
      my sight went red
and my bond with you was severely frayed
       Now, I'm ******.
  Here's something that you missed
        you ****** up
     I've been betrayed
        So go to Hell and tell Satan
    you're a heathen worth hating

Today, a memory was lost
              Some things were forgotten
      I'm paying the cost
and all the love we shared has been tossed
       Out the window
  Here's something you don't know
           I ******* hate you
        I'm over all the *******
      So next time you decide to speak my name
   Remember you lost and I'm the game

Today, a truth shined through
         all the lies
   in which you relied
       I can't stand how I got ******* while you always got the best of me
        Now I'm enraged enough to say,  
             "*******!"
Yeah, today my blood congealed
               I sewed the wound shut,
       but the scar will never heal
                For this,
      I ******* hate you.
and I hope your death hurts a great deal

Today, a lie was told
      As if it was the gods honest truth
             I can see it all clearly now
  But what's the use?
      I'm tattered, battered and abused
And I'm blaming it all on you
              I've lost so much already
     What else is there to lose?
         I ******* hate you!
What story is there to tell?
          What's left to say?
      How about this....
                *GO TO HELL!!!

Three small chunks of my soul
Ripped right out of my chest
          Every weekend

       The same **** thing
The hugs, tears and kisses goodbye
               With them
The screaming, mistrust and hateful words
               With him

The pain seems neverending
And never getting any better
       All the bridges burned
   Without
          a single
                look
                      back­

But regret can build and build
When you realize some bridges
             Can't be rebuilt

And yet
         I can't regret him
Or the pain he dealt to me
    Cause he helped to create
Those three small pieces of my soul

          And they may be small
      But put together
   They create my life as a whole

    Every Weekend
The same **** thing
        And it hurts
   Finally having that feeling
Like you're actually whole
         Then all three pieces
             Get
            RIPPED
       Right out of my soul


And until next weekend
**I cannot feel whole