I can admit to knowing what alone feels like

I can admit to knowing why I felt alone

I can admit to pushing others away
I can admit to saying no to their love

I can admit to crying in a crowd of people
I can admit to burning a tissue offered for my tears
I can admit to crying more as that tissue burned

I can admit to being petty
I can admit to being brave

I can admit to creating my suffering

I can admit to knowing what alone feels like

I can admit to ending it
I can admit to that once I had the strength of others to fight it off

I'd rather not admit it,
No, I'd rather not admit it.
I'd rather not admit it, that I have yet to quit it;
Or that you still seem to plague my mind with words and images,
And that when I sit in the same spot that, for the first time, we held hands,
I can feel liquid as it swells up in my uncontrollable tear glands.

I'd rather not admit it,
No, I'd rather not admit it.
I miss you and I think about you everyday since I was forced to quit it;
Yes, I'd rather not admit it,
No, I'd rather not admit it.

I remember all the moments,
And all our beautiful components,
Which we used to patch together,
Perfect love within bad weather;
It felt perfect for awhile,
And then you put our love on trial,
And it ended in a second,
Yet you came back on that same weekend,
Saying things were now to change,
And we were to rearrange,
What it meant to be in love;
But you left me with the glove,
And decided to tear off the one you had.

It ended once again,
And 2 days later you did bring,
Your heart right back to me,
And believed that I could see,
You'd done no wrong.

You promised you had changed,
And that you would rearrange,
All your action in our love,
Yet once again you tossed that glove,
And left it all alone, to myself.

I sacrificed and compromised,
Believing you were doing right,
Yet you sat there in stagnant indifference;
I knew, inside, what that did reference.

Hurting, deeply insecure,
I broke it off, as you had lured,
Our love away from being repaired;
Retreated back to your single lair.

Sick and tired, upset and lost,
I knew my ending it would cost,
The girl I love with all my heart;
The one who'd loved me at the start,
And still did in the same way,
Yet she wished to get away.

My heart was broken,
And every time I breathed,
I felt my chest expand in pain,
My solar plexus bounced away,
In memory, and thought fighting tears;
You switched me out of silent gears.

I'd rather not admit it,
No, I'd rather not admit it.
I'd rather not admit it, that I have yet to quit it;
Or that you still seem to plague my mind with words and images,
And that when I sit in the same spot that, for the first time, we held hands,
I can feel liquid as it swells up in my uncontrollable tear glands.

Because, I'd rather not admit it,
No.
I'd rather not admit it.

I admit I never had real love for you
I admit I did truly care for you
I admit I was ever so tolerant
I admit despite you narcissistic nature
I still never hated you.
I admit despite your using nature and definitions of what "love" and a "real man" is
I stayed there for you even from a distance.
I admit I see why you are alone and never found real love, sorry *** doesn't make love true no matter how good it was.
I admit I never dated anyone as pathetic as you.
I admit falling for you ,I now grew pathetic Too.
I admit  I want to learn you and you learn to me and I don't maybe we both can grow.
Can you just admit it's your fault just once.

I'm embarrassed to admit I miss you.
I'm embarrassed to admit I love you.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I see your face in people everywhere.
I'm embarrassed to admit I'd gamble my life on the ability to grow up with you.
I'm embarrassed to admit I'll never be the right lover.
I'm embarrassed to admit I need you.

i must admit...
its going to hurt
all this irrelevant *******
just to keep you distracted
from doing what’s actually necessary

i must admit...
you got this
i got your back
and don’t worry
because no one’s gonna attack you
cause all there is is existence

I must admit...
that all this belligerence
i see through
that b.s.
sadly
its pretentious
and if it doesn't serve our attention
than what the hell are we doing with it
anyway
let's forget our hesitation
for a second

I must admit...
they control you
with your own amazement
satiated by
shadows
dancing for hours
upon the points of arrows
feeling forlorn
and scorned by the establishment

I must admit...
that i am laughing
in satisfaction
indeed
the need is clear
to clear your head
and pay no mind
to childish temper tantrums

i must admit...
that I am not defined by politics
so solve those faulty equations
or seek salvation
grieve for the lonely masturbators
who long to be held by your heart
they jump out of windows
as we partake
in the greatest experiment ever undergone
and then call it Art

I must admit...
the mystique is here
and the path is clear
and fear is not the answer
i swear
do I compare my love to her dresses
to her kindness
to her fantasies
to her faint caresses

I must admit...
*** is best in the moonlight
while future stars stare at your heart
you seek for love
and you grieve for love
while doves are flying
in the sky
magic is passing by
right now above your head
we are blessed
yet still afraid of our own essence
you sentence me to heaven
again and again

i must admit...
i know shadow
i know shame
and i am not a stranger
to all of this blame
served in pots made of pewter
served in copper
served in aluminum
served in cast-iron
serve it cold
serve it hot
serve it proper
or all of this may be used against you
and you will be shot
and killed
for your transgressions

I must admit...
the breath renews itself
and you too
so before we stand tall again
i want to crawl upon this floor
and kiss you
all over
again
for music halls
are ideal
places to run, skip and jump through

I suppose for now this is how i will write to you,
to say the things i wish you were face to face to hear,
to list just what i loved about you,
and to be done with this once and for all.

I will admit I was out of my league.
So delicate was every word that passed through your lips,
so fragile was your inexperienced body.
A world of stars and memories, of laughing and crying,
collapses inward.

I will admit this is embarrassing.
I've contended with myself to forget your blue eyes,
To not sneak around the parking lot of your hotel,
If only each Chevy Malibu that caught my eye
were carrying you back to me.

I will admit I am sometimes jealous.
To see you with someone who cant love you like I do,
Why does such a shabby impersonator get to hold your hand,
When true authentic love is only finger lengths away.
******* the day I let you drive off with my heart.

I will admit sometimes I am scared.
What if I  never find someone who understands me like you did?
What if you never understood me at all?
Does our love end up like those in the movies?
Destined to reunite after a life of lessons, or not at all.

I will admit sometimes I don't understand you.
Someone filled with such potential, squandering life away
Behind a desk unhappily, waiting for an answer that never comes.
If only I could save you from the tyrannous claws of indecisiveness.
If only you would give me a real chance.

I will admit I was overbearing.
Using any chance I could get I traded action for words,
Clawing at any chance I had to keep you in my nest.
I wasn't as ready as I thought, I wasn't as confident as I thought,
I was small.

I must admit I hold regret.
we have become reluctant friends,
life happens and there is never a chance to go in reverse.
Everything is for learning,
Everything is made to let go.