I'm a prisoner in my own city
with invisble handcuffs
and a target on me
no matter what choices I make
you'll still never let me be free
I just wanna fly
but everytime I try
you shoot me down
because the sky was meant for the birds
but don't you see,
i'm a bird too
so why won't you just let me be

my heart is in a cage
the cage is invisible
but my heart is barely visible
hidden behind so many bars that are practically invincible
because every bar is made from a scar
i dont even know how many there are
so many; it seems more like a prison
everytime feelings have risen
they couldnt get break out
and who wants to break into a jail
when every attempt seems to fail
it seems ive been trapped in this cell
ever since that one time i fell (in love)
how long have i been here
i cant even tell anymore
sometimes i just sit and stare at the lock
and everthing that is blocking the door
someday it will open
as long as the lock isnt broken
atleast thats what i'm always hopin
I do believe one day
you will find the key
to this invisble cage
but you better hurry
it only gets stronger with age
beware of  the jokes
and meaningless conversations
that never get serious
because they will turn you away
as i try to run away
but i hope you swill stay
and break these scars
so i can let go of all the pain
and all this rage
stuck inside my rib cage

It's quite outside
Not a noise a play
Not a sound hits
The veins absorb more blood
The sweat on my forehead drips
I'm transforming
I'm becoming who I really am
A monster from a son
An enemy from a friend
My god, I'm evil
I'm demented and insane
I endure the darkness of the soul
I fein for the pressure of pain
Injections of the venom
A death Sentence with a chair scripted my name
I am who I was when you thought you knew me
I'm a villain, I'm still the same!
This animal has been released
The fury of rage broke open my enclosed cage
Where love letters fell to the floor from super woman's page
Spider-Man, superman, send em all my way
My powers aren't going to eletricfy your heros, it's invisble but corrupts the reaction of the face
Terror pumps through my heart
Anger feeds my fist
Blood is replaced with toxins
My thoughts are molded and crisp
STOP ME! I dare you, try!

**Are you kidding me? I'm not an evil villain at all!
Ya just love negativity and anguish
You wouldn't of read this if I didn't say words that die
That intrigue you!
Haunt you and daunt you!
Why do you all love misery?
Why do you need my psychotic thoughts to help you sleep at night?
It probably helps your ignorance, loneliness doesn't match insanity...
Shut up! You know I'm right.

I came to you in a dream
my fingers bleed
writin you
invisble letters
people read
No one knows me here
while I lay in a unknown house
slowly memories creep on me
memories of holding hands
and popcorn
and popcorn
and popcorn

Trying to capture a moment, but the moments ever changing.

I paint in oils
-oils outlive my mortality
-oils extend my message
oils prolong my life after death.
It's a gamble because anything could wrong when I'm not there to care for it.

7am:
So I start by sitting in front of a huge blank canvas.

7:05am:
So I start by sitting with a mirror in my hand.

7:30am
The canvas is intimidating.

9am
My mind tries to capture the final product
- composition,
style,
toned down?
bright colours?
thick smears of paint?
hyper realistic?
or make it an abstraction from reality?

11am
I half-fill a jar with turpentine to clean my brushes.
I fill a small jar there with linseed oil to thin the paint.

11:05am
On my palette
-a small squish of cobalt blue
-proceed on thinning it.

11.10am
Lift brush,
dab it into the paint...
almost reach the canvas.

11:15am
I study my face to see where I'll start.

3:15pm

4 hours pass.
The sun has moved.
The shadows are softer
and the shadows longer.

Accurate painting is not about talent as much as observational skills-
thats why you can stop for years but if you have learnt the art of seeing you will be able to paint a more realistic picture than when you quit the previous time.

7pm
All my contemplation sees the sunset
without a stroke being applied.

I flick a switch and a new light appears-
harsher with darker shadows-
it doesnt allow the paints show their true colours
but at least it is consistent.
I don't like what I see in this light.

Days have passed me in front of this mountain-
when I started it was sheer will that got me here-
not because I want to
but because I know I can paint better than most a
nd some will think it's worth something-
might  make a bit of extra cash on the side.

When I was younger I pumped out canvasses faster than toilet paper
but now I dont know Wonder Boy anymore-
too much distance between now and then.

Out of sheer impatience I decide to put a wash over it. I mix a bright orange mixture. and start brushing the canvas-
the brush is too slow so I start pouring it out of it's linseed mixture bowl straight onto the canvass and rub it with a cloth until no more white can be seen.

I hate the result-
my compulsion led me to trade a white blank canvas
for an orange one-
I'm nowhere closer to coming up with an idea than when I started and now I have to wait two days for the paint to dry. By that time I would have aged two days and my resolve might not be what it is right now- the little I have left.

So the final result of my painting-
a blank orange canvas hiding behind my bedroom closet.

I look up to the sky
and what do I see
a shooting star
and its shining for me
but what would happen
if you were that star
would I wonder
just what you are
up high above
shining over this place
I remember how beautiful you were
when your smile lit up your face
a thousand miles
never seemed so far away
you're like a diamond in the sky
but you're invisble during the day
shine bright
my shooting star
how I'll always wonder
what you are...

I’ve always needed the city more than it needed me
Wandering its prominent streets
Being nothing more than an anonymous ant,
Crawling past the lines of mechanized zombies
With equally anonymous ants driving them

More than once have I bathed in its street lights
Hoping that it would find my personality shining through
Or hunted down my reflection in its windows
Expecting that visibility would lead to the end of my anonymity
I’ve always needed the city more than it needed me

But now my point of view has finally shifted
As I wandered the streets of the city I hold so dear
Finding that my need to be needed has changed

Finally I have discovered that the invisible man is happy
He is never told to go away
He keeps on wandering, amongst his fellow ants
Under the city’s street lights, reflected by its windows
Not feeling the need to be needed
Not feeling the need
Not feeling

The phases of matter all turn into one
When her lips touch mine
It burns like a thousand supernovas
And freezes like the vaccuum of space

The stars spill bright light through the invisble river
That holds no air in the darkness

The cheek of her face brushing mine
Fills me with the feeling
Of my heart when I see crescent moons

I can't wait to float away
Into the bright swirling stars
In the distance
With nobody but you

And maybe when we do that
We'll feel the stars pull us back
Like on starships

For Gertrude Stein

that vast land
a wanderer's dream
to wonder
to ponder
in awe
a~mazed

like spiderwebs
lineages of pearls
falling
cascading

a land of invisble boundries
boudaries unlimited
ideas limitless
exploring
branching

like a woman's thoughts
tree branches
no time no space
the melting of Dali's clocks

a land of no beginnings
no middle
endless
images endless

like the vortex
spiraling inward
downward
voidless

The cameras were set  the madman of Hello after snorting so sinus powder
was hopped up like a fat kid in a cake factory.

So Gonzo any thoughts on the new HP?

Gonzo. Well always new they'd find a way to steal my thoughts and secertly mentally **** me and kidnap Mr pickles!

Ummm

Gonzo Yeah I know thats why im only taking pills from trusted drug dealers like
Mother Terresa, And Capt Grabby Hands

Are you okay?

Gonzo. hmmm  what's it all mean dear lady?
sure you  capture me drag me to your dungeon have your way with me
take some pics update your facebook status like anyone gives A ****  what you eat for dinner or your a lonley cat lady.
but honestly who doest like *****?'

*** your insane and put that away!

Gonzo. What i was just getting my trusty  pocket fisherman
and my invisble anti earth crab spray.

I dont even wanna know.

Gonzo. hey ive learned always bring protection no matter how they look the flying monkeys are everywhere!    

Ummm do you need help?

Gonzo. Ever **** next a man who has no sense of smell  yeah kinda takes all the fun out of it kinda like  some new changes.
do like magic miss?

Ummm well .

Gonzo. check your cooler.

Theres nothing in it.

Gonzo.
MAGIC
Now call your sister i bet she's gonna have a baby.

Wow how did you know that? Magic?

Gonzo. no we've been  having fun after that annoying husban of her's
finally goes to work.

Hey he's coming over and he ses he's gonna.
Hey where'd you go?

The interviewers  cell rings.

Hello?

Gonzo. Magic!