I am waiting for you.
I have been since your last call;
the last words that left your lips,
the way they shaped each sound,
crisp with feeling;
the last hold I received,
warm hands withdrawn into the cold.

And now I’m busy playing your constant, forever
eternal mind games;
waiting for an end I know has to happen,
and waiting for you to make your moves and marks,
haunting mistakes or gracious choices,
whatever they happen to be in your mind.

And now I’m busy holding my heart in my hands,
watching all the people pass me waiting on the ***** street,
feeling awkward,
feeling stood up,
nursing it from the rain
and polluted breaths of people eyeing off my treasure,
smoke steaming from gaping mouths and sharp exhales,
like cascades of shining gems and mounds of
glorious entitlements, rolling down dreams
to those huddled beneath the city lights.

And now I’m busy deciding how long to keep
holding it.
Or to place it back inside it’s chest;
to thrum and pulse alone regardless, because I told it to.

And now I’m busy trying to adjust,
to leave this alone,
move my feet and leave my post,
waiting for you.
Keeping me and you alive is exhausting.
Draining nuture and tears, touches and examinations
to check that we are ok.
Are we ok?
I haven’t heard from you in weeks, but
you said you would be here.
To tell me your answer.
To make all this relentless pressure in my skull,
tension in my body
go away.
What happened to you not being the bad guy?
Like everyone who trailed crumbs of running-out love,
driving to me though the gas tank has finite space,
and held out commitment as they cowered behind it.

I haven’t heard from you.
And I desperately need to hear from you.
Should I stay, or should I go?
Are we meeting halfway, or are you expecting me to walk to you?
But I’m not.

I haven’t heard from you.
And I don’t know if I want to anymore.
Or whether I should just make this stop.
Whether I should stop denying it, and commence the
pain that stems with loneliness myself.
To be honest with myself that it is what I have to feel.
To escape from you.

And let myself
breathe and mouth the words
‘I miss you’
to the empty air.

Everyday of being
I fall a little deeper
Every day of falling
I find myself more in
And love has
Never been more
An honor and a privilege
Than being so in love
With you

...

And the words that made
My hands tremble
To write
And my heart fear
You would be
Scared away
Once whispered
And shouted
And put on paper
And sent over mountains
And across seas
Brought a smile
To your lips

...

And now though they still
Send shudders
Through my every fiber
And quake the blood
Within my soul
I ache and long
For each new moment
I can repeat them
And here a moment
Has come again

...

My heart rocks me to dreaming
Singing its sweet lullaby
Of beautiful you
And softly I drift to slumber
As I whisper
To pillows like clouds

...

Sitting on my pillow cloud
Watching my heart
Laugh and dance
With everything
Beautiful about you
I know I am exactly
Where I am supposed to be
As I shout out

...

As cloud and pillow part
To morning light
I can still feel the warmth
Of your ethereal ghost
Dancing in my arms
And before my eyes
Fold open to see the dawn
With my first waking breath
My mouth gently says

...

Open eyes and outstretched limbs
Dreams still lingering
Beneath my skin
Your light and warmth
Still hold my heart and soul
And in the quintessence of my pulse
My every fiber
Reverberates these words

...

Another day has come
Another never never
For the sun
Always always
Burning burning
Its smile
And flame
Dancing endlessly
For the infinite stars
Of your Vincent blues
And I burn in synchronicity
With the blaze and fervor
Of the never never
Ending dancing fires
Of the sun
And I sing all day long

...

My heart a puppy
In your hands
As day fades to night
And night gives birth to day
And effortlessly
This love flows
To endless oceans blue
Where everything beautiful
Is truely found
In you
I take brush to canvas
And pen to page
And paint and scribe
Of another day
I find the good fortune
Of saying

...

The blank pages on my desk
By brush and fold and cut
Fill with color and stars and love
Fold and shape
A flower
A moon
A queen
Little trinkets
Made by hand
And time passing
Through my pulsating blood
As your inspiration
Has set forth this flood
Were I'm drowning
To say again

...

Forevers flower
In full nocturnal bloom
Your hair of crimson flame
Across the endless oceans blue
But your floral petal scent
Still fills my lungs
And lasciviousness
My broken heart museum
Crumbled and burned to ash
As your seeds
Of dreams and hope
Have painted
Inside of me
These words
With every breath
I yearn and must say

...

Time moves to quick
And time moves to slow
Yet every moment endless
When waking in dreams
Of gardens of
Forevers flowers
And honey of golden blood
Placed there be you
And I'm lost
And I'm found
And I'm free
In every moment
I say

...

Free from fears
Of life and death
Tearful flowers
Weep in joy
An oasis springs
Within every essence
Of my soul
And peacful waters flow
As these words
Travel from within
My deepest depths
And sooth throat
And burn as they
Pass my lips

...

Swimming through paradise
Lost to this passion and truth
From my lust for
This most perfect love
From your beautiful imperfections
And iridescent glowing heart
In secret shades of darkest reds
Within the song of
My deathless adoration
Beating in unison
In these amaranthine
Gardens of Elysium
These words immortally echo

...

The chambers of my heart
Turned to Eden and Shangri-la
The utopia of Arcadia
As these echos become
The mantra and the hymn
Of the throbbing pulse
Of my blood
And every cell racing through me
Buzz and hums

...

My heart turned to golden hive
And my blood to truth of gold
And my every drop busy
Making honey sweet
For my one and only queen
The only beauty
My eyes can see
Shines from your heart
And wings
And everday I am grateful
To kneel before you
And speak these words

...

Of paper or of breath
Scattered paint or spilt ink
In living or in death
Beauty is your veracious shadow
Love is the blinding
Light of your soul
Your heart has the
Buried truth
Of what makes
Everything beautiful
And In your presence
I can speak
No other words than

...

My flesh and bones
Hands and fingertips
Have burrowed deep
And lost both blood and sin
In the depths of your earth
And aches and hurt
Uncovering both
The wings and birds
Of your tenderness
Lost so long
In this cold cold ground
I offer warmth
From these words

...

I could do no less
Than place my heart
Where clouds and pillows
Dream and weep
And release the storm
And wind
Raging from within
Let my blood come raining down
With seeds and hope
To nuture and warm
Your heart and ground and dirt
To raise your heart
To its rightful state
Of purity and desire
And passion of the fire
Too beautiful for this world
Too beautiful for my words
But I am helpless
To do anything
But humbly speak them softly

...

Heaven has no Eden
And hell has no flame
Without flowers singing
Or fires dancing
For your name
And my body here
And my heart and spirit
There with you
And I would strech
My soul across
The sun and moon and universe
Just for a wink
Of time
To whisper once again

...

I carved in tree beneath the sea
Where house  
And you did hide
In its branch and leaves
Where sun did dream
Of sleep and mermaids
With fairy wings
Where I first found
Your heart and dark
And truth and ache
And voice and tears
And endless eyes
Of sea of raging blue
And blinding light
Of the lunacy and love
When these words
Where first trapped
Within my throat
Before I dare speak

...

Waiting beneath
These waters deep
Drowning in both
Dream and love
Waiting by star
And moon
And bird
And tree
And poem
And song
And hope
And pictures
And haunting
And longing
To come to you
And speak
With gut churning
And heart burning
These words for you

...

Your every breath
Your every smile
Your every tear
All flow with the blood
And truth of poetry
Your picture
Still hangs above my heart
And every night
Your voice still
Sings your poetry
Before I fall to slumber
Beneath your Vincent stars
And dark blue
And in my sleep
I speak

...

In helpless state
Of repose and trance
I watch words with wings
Chase and dance
My heart that has fallen
To your hypnotic gaze
And sultry voice
The sandman has
No power here
All I can do is paint
With the hands
Of delirium
And trace these words
From star to moon
To heart of flame

...

Under depths
And darkness
My dreams do bind
My soul and heart
To this endless
Storm beneath
The sheets of
Endless time of
Forevers night
Where I am tied
To eternal midnight
Of love and dream
And my footsteps taken
Have left these words
Written in the dust
On the moon

...

To never have to wake
Or take a breath
Outside this
Pleasant dreaming
Let me sleep
Here in this longing
All day long
In eternities twilight
With hand outstretched
Waiting for your fingertips
To slide along my palm
Hand in hand
And give my heart
To you
To forever keep
And dance under sheets
And song of flame
Where to your ear
I slip these words

...

In the devils heart
A song echos of long ago
Before shame or sin
Where your heart
Was bloomed
Long before the gardens
And dreams of Eden
My heart fills with
Only bliss as I listen
To this lullaby
And I am forever
Caught by the desire
Of wanting your affection
I cannot force my heart
To stop beating
Anymore than I can
Stop these words
From repeating

...

I wake with your
Dream and kiss
Still lingering
On my heart and lips
My empty bed
Still warmed by
Your faded ghost
Your voice still
Haunting the morning air
The pulse and beat
Of my soul
And marrow
Repeating
To the dawns first light

...

From countless moons away
Where my heart has flown
To be with you
My chest still full
From dreams of you
And from across
The ocean I hear
My heart sing
These words to you

...

These mad visions
Follow me throughout
My waking hours
And keep my heart
In rapid steps
Of lunatics dancing
As my soul
Cannot stop itself
From laughing
In the truth
Of happiness
I have found
In writting
And whispering
And shouting
These words again

...

As I burn along
In step
With suns
Heart and breath
Your Vincent blues
Mesmerize my heart
With their magic
Swirling stars
And never
Never
Could I stop
Not even after
Death
My song for you
cannot end
You'll find
At the end
Of time
And space
Through the black
And void
My voice still
Resonates
With these words

...

As I fall to death
And to slumber
Dreams wait
Beneath my flesh
And within my bones
Where your light and warmth
Touch my heart and soul
And in the pulse
Of my every fiber
And throughout my being
These words reverberate

...

Pillows take form
And feel of clouds
And welcome moon
And stars
Before my closing eyes
Your ghost begins
Its dance
My hands strech out
To dream
And with the last
Days breath
My lips let whisper soar

...

Sleeping on these clouds
And pillows
My heart dreams
And weeps
Painting with everything
Beautiful about you
Colors echoing
Of secret shades
Of every hue of red
And sculpting
The clouds and pillows
To form these words

...

My heart rocks and
Sings sweet lullaby
Of everything
Perfectly you
And I drift through dream
And listen to
The whispers
Of pillow and cloud
As the softly say

...

Everyday I am
A little deeper
As I fall a little more
And more
And more in love
Never before has such
A blessing been bestowed
Upon my heart
Than being in love
With you
My hands
Still tremble to write
And my heart
Still fears to beat
And the words still
Send shudders
Through the pulse
And blood
Within my soul
Everday and
Every moment
And I am helpless
And I am hopeless
And thankful
For one more
Chance to say

...

I have discoverd
Through ink
And parchment
Paint and canvass
Paper and poem
Pillow and cloud
The miracle of you
Nothing quite as
Lovely or equisite
Beautiful and true
As your hearts warmth
And souls light
As the endless oceans
And Vincent blues
And madness
Swirling in the magic
Of the starry night
Of your eyes
Beyond sands of hour
And hands of time
I will paint
With my every breath
These words
Again and
Again

...

With the
Miracle of paper
And parchment
And stone
Think of all the things
We would not know
If ink and paint and blood
Had not stained vellum
And canvas
And skin
History and fantasy
And love lost
And found
The poems and plays
And battles
Of nations triumphant
And ruined
Lords and their Ladies
Beggars and theives
The bard
And the Muse
All hidden and stored
In shoeboxes
Stuffed with envelopes
Of confessions
And truth
Bounded by hand and stich
Between hard leather covers
Countless pages
That have survived
The relentless sands
Of time
And foul weather
And flood
Long after our flesh
Has rotted and feed the worm
And our bones have
Dissipated to earth and gust
Paper will still
Hold the secrets
And history
Of love
The miracle of paper
Stained by the pen
moved to dance
In my hand
As I scrawl your name
And confess

*I Love You