“I love you”. You said and then you slipped away.
Broken dreams, meaningless futile efforts at happiness?
Mingled with useless feelings, promises of safe havens cast aside
Unmatched emptiness, soulless societies tearing apart concrete foundations

Searching with fevered panic, unhealthy unions superseded by drunkenness
Vacant eyes, struggled smiles stare back with futile efforts of understanding
Unreachable depths of ******* broken only by moments of saneness
Interruptions of innocent faces, blankly staring in wonderment at nothingness

Empty sentiment screams from hollowed eyes, foul breath from yellowed rotted smiles
Halo dirtied by unwashed hands, melodies of undying love, waking emotions.
Saneness interrupts
Passions momentarily subside, shameful memories, guilt ridden questions of why.
Seek forgiveness, absolution, resurrection of self worth.
Intimidated inner child crying, wanting wholeness

Inebriated ears cannot hear the mournful cry.
Sightless to the destruction of beautiful dreams
Cynical hearts cannot feel the bottomless abyss, created by selfish needs
Beautiful white light eclipsed by black desires, reality escapes

Averted eyes, wanton lies, excuses spring forth from rancid lips of deception
Healing words cast aside, ***** by visions of drunken ******.
A warped sense of empowerment dissuades sanity.
Trapped in the tentacles of forbidden lust.
Saneness interrupts

Written By Edward Gordon Green.

To behold the daybreak!
-Walt Whitman, Song of Myself from Leaves of Grass

In days like this one,
when rain drops so light
& everything dips
into weeping grey
my sanity longs for memories.

My sanity longs
like impulsive recalling
of plummeting sadness
in greying day
sashaying mournful recollects
from sunrise to daybreak.

Remembering vanishes
in the joyful marrow of life.

There, forgetting lives.

Tell me the last time
bliss comforts your soul.

It is a transient tick
too stiff to evoke.

What about the last time
pain feigns your saneness.

Memories turned into bullets
slitting shrapnel
warping into my soul.

Happiness lasts for a second.
Sadness, a lifetime.

Tell me how to get rid
the hurting clout of ache
existing as a blunt fragment
benign yet reminisced.

Daybreak pours so hard
and my sanity like a waning light
crawls back in a miasmatic cave
along the river known
to be a home of a witch
& her cursing narrative
of throwing silver saucers
making her a spotless shadow
through vestal times
never again a thriving spirit.

Forget Blake. Forget Whitman.

Only in daybreak
where everything
churns into life,
my sanity shrinking back
collapsing
into surreal gaps.

Here & there,
my sanity longs for memories.

This feeling...
Heavy...
Like a wreath bearing down my neck.
Every fibre in me seem to be at loggerheads.

My heart...
Pounding.
Each beat is a hammer
sledging away at my saneness.

My breaths...
Premature and short.
Inconsistent.
I respire full but with punctured lungs.

Waking among the concrete structures
Starting the day running around in earnest
For chores are plenty and time is handful
To begin a new one-hundred-meter-dash
Trying to outdo each other, in an imaginary race
Every stride we take, the concrete takes away our zeal
There is no cushion for the hectic lifestyle
Taking a toll on our mind and body
We seem to have reached somewhere
But end up at the same station, to catch the train
Inadvertently, packing every coach
Few faces we know from our daily commute
Lots of new faces add up to the crowd
We are an individual, but interspersed in the crowd
Waiting to get-off at the daily destination
The concrete pavements and the concrete buildings
Greets us gloomily, although modern architecture
Facades of glass reflecting off the chaos of life outside
Immediately, we are in a grind of the job
Lost in numerous presentations and graphical projections
The pie charts take the sweetness out of our life
Savoring only percentages, with sprinkling of peppery talks
Targets are set and client’s meet are arranged
To strike out a deal and sign-off the nuptials
It’s a marriage of client and service providers
Where brands are hogging the limelight
For us it’s the race to maintain our saneness
As it’s a daily commute through the concrete jungle

I cannot heal
This pain keeps stinging
As each line of thought
Reveals new truths
That are hard to accept
Kindness was repaid with anger
Love with rejection
Faithfulness with betrayal
Devotion with abandonment
Gentleness with rage
Dedication with neglect
Patience with intolerance
Thoughtfulness with disregard
Compassion with coldness
Mercy with judgment
Saneness with unsoundness
Truth and honesty with lies
Open arms and acceptance with bitterness
So why do I feel guilt and sadness
For crimes I did not commit?
Why am I taking the blame for a lie?
To be falsely accused is a worse sentence
Than to be justly condemned
At least the guilty can repent and start a new life
Rather than stay mired in a web of lies
One can learn to accept criticism and move on
Or to laugh at oneself
And in humility make the necessary changes
But this... this slander
Is simply poison
To the soul

step into the light--
show yrself--
my black-eyed,
horned,
*******--
stir me up,
shut me out,
string me up--

end tonight.
the pools
of fear
swirling in your belly
drown the saneness
of my eccentric existence.
end tonight.

step into the light--
show yrself to me,
dripping with sweat,
draining me of strength,
drilling me with smartmouthings--

poison crib.
poison crypt.
pretty curls.
petty cruelty.

hitting bricks,
slitting necks,
creeping beasts,
show yrself.

the moon
beckons you.
the mercy
forgets you.
my fist
tightens.
my blood lightens.
endtimes
begin
with the sanctity
of illumination.

HYPOCHONDRIA

The feeling so real

So disconnecting:
the mind and body surreal

So encapsulating:
the connection of fear to the assumed infirmity

So enchanting:
The assuring gestures of certain saneness

"I'm ok. Its ok."

James GIBEK Jude.

I’m squatting alone on the step here
Thinking of things oblique,
The pictures flash by
Like the clouds in the sky
I’d rather, in truth, be asleep.
The jumble of thoughts are confusing
The tangle of pictures unclear,
A good moody pout
May just sort it all out
But I fear it will end with a tear.

Bad memories are clouding my judgement
Extracting the saneness away
Cold tensions exude & the dark thoughts intrude
And sweet harmony deserts the day.
The nimbus comes rumbling inward
The lightning flashes are sharp
The tempest in my composure
Makes me long to retreat to my heart.

Once the maelstrom’s down apon you
There’s no going back for a breath,
You just hang on like hell
& keep ringing that bell,
And you fight like a tiger to death.
You must gather defences around you
And muster your forces at best,
For the enemy’s here, it’s intentions are clear
And you’re in for a formidable test.

The scarlet slash of malice,
The grinding guilt of sin.
The searing green of envy..
That’s where it does begin.
You bite your lip, you taste the blood,
You clench your fist so tight
You thrash and pound that wretched sound
From whence doth come your plight.
You slip aside so gracefully
Your moves have guile and poise,
You strike with stealth & venom
Completely void of noise.
Endurance is your friend this eve
You’ve got the upper hand.
Just keep your boot upon it’s throat
And win you will.. My man!

From just beyond dark thunder mass
A peep of sunshine beams,
It radiates the sated land,
Reflects from bubbling streams.
The emerald green of grasses
Refract the golden light
The clouds are clearing rapidly
As daylight turns to night.
The sparrows in the hedge are still,
Bright stars begin to shine.
You blink your eyes and shake your head
The water turns to wine.

Oh thought… You are a fickle thing
Mercurial and lithe.
You elevate preposterousness
And take the devil’s side.
You scale the heights and plunge the depths
Without so much as pause,
You hold me in your silk caress
And then apply sharp claws.
The surge of wild excitement
When a line of verse spins in
And the turgid sloth of nothingness
When boredom seeps within.

Why is it so.. This up, this down…
So frivolous for thee
When all, in fact, you do achieve
Is dark torment for me.

Marshalg
Mangere Bridge
30th December 2007