i'm sorry things had to get so terrible for them to get any better. i'm sorry this is what "better" feels like. i'm sorry for letting you break so often without offering to piece you back together. i'm sorry for letting you believe what people thought about you mattered even the slightest bit. it doesn't. you are so much more than i ever let you believe. i'm sorry for letting you dwell on yesterday. tomorrow has always been more important. all those times you hid in the dark, i should've laid with you and let you see how vibrant you can be. i should have helped you better when you needed me. i'm sorry i wasn't always there when you needed me. i'm sorry for letting you fall for boys who were never going to be good to you. i should've looked out for you better. i could've done more. i'm sorry i let you love people who never loved you back. i'm sorry i let those people make you feel like you weren't good enough. you have always been more than enough. never forget that. i'm sorry for teaching you how to fly but always calling you back down before you could reach the moon. i was jealous of how well you could fit in with the stars. i wanted you for myself. i promise to be your voice when you can't find yours and to hold you up when your knees crumble beneath you. i promise to be your eyes when your vision is blurred and to tell you i love you when your ears can't filter out the hatred anymore. i will love you with every ounce of light left in me if it means letting your flame grow brighter. i'm sorry for the way it always seems to get awful before it gets bearable. please remember that every morning the sun is still roaring, the earth is still moving and the rivers are still flowing. flowers will bloom in spring, waterfalls will rush in the summer and the sun will keep rising as long as you are here to see it.

the issue with vacating your own body is deciding which bones to pack and which to leave behind

the sky has clouded over with rain and the sun stopped rising in the early morning and you stopped calling and I refuse to believe it's coincidence that daylight left when you did

you can forget about me if you want but there's still a burning star in our skies named after the day you decided you loved me back

when I said "I understand" what I really meant was I understand I'm not what you want but I'm trying my best to become who you need

**** me 'til you're bored enough to leave me

in some backwards world you loved me back. you saw me in car radios and rolling tides, telling me I reminded you of the way wind swept dying dandelions into the air on a spring day. you loved me with 2am milkshakes and arcade games, sunflower gardens and star wars tattoos. it was a backwards love but it was ours and oh my god was it a great love.