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 Aug 2014 Sasch
Hannah Jean
I'm not
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Hannah Jean
I had a dream.
I was hoping you would show up.
You didn't, though.
You'd think i'd be used to disappointment.

But i'm not.
I'm still that hopeless dreamer that you left.
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Court
My name is Courtney. My favorite colors are black and white because that's how I see everything. I'm usually loud in places I should be quiet and quiet in places I should be loud. I usually laugh too much, and smile when I don't want to. I like to meet new people but I don't like having super close friendships.
I like being left alone, most days I never leave my room.
I'm a scorpio but to be honest I have no idea what that means.
I have an odd fascination with things like the ocean and lights and coffee.
I like temporary things and that's why I tend to love people who could never love me back.
Its safer that way. Relationships only remind me that I'm not afraid of spiders or heights or rollercoasters but I'm terrified of everything that can be felt but not seen.
I have a purple heart. I got it because I'm constantly beating myself up about things and people I can't fix or make better.
I always try to swallow my pride but I choke on the words I can't say and my self esteem drowns out anything and everything that could be good or right in my life. My self esteem hates anything that could ever get close enough to hear me breathe. My self esteem is so scared of anyone that could ever hurt me like when I was 8 years old living through world war 3 in the place I called home.
I never sleep in complete darkness because that forces my eyes to see nothing but only feel what I'm afraid of.
I can't read letters without them being proof read first. I'm always so afraid that it'll blood stained by someone I love saying goodbye.
I hate goodbyes. I hate leaving doors open because open doors eventually get shut and that closed door stings more than any tear that ever rolled down my cheek.
This sounds so weird, but I wonder what my demons say about me when I'm not around. I wonder if they laugh at my weakness. I wonder if they were there when my friend heard me throwing up my pain into the toilet in my school's bathroom. I wonder if they saw me try to rip out the happiness of every picture I saw the boy I loved and his new girl in.
I don't allow myself to cry as often as I need to. I don't let myself grieve. I don't allow anyone to know anything about the first 13 years of my life. Because I know once I open that door, they will be scared of such a damaged me, that they will close it before I finish the story.
I do believe in God. I believe he didn't save me. I believe I've had to save myself all these years until I let him save me.
I'm Courtney. Nice to meet you.
This is the most I've ever revealed about myself to anyone.
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Court
I want that waking up at 6 am to make you breakfast kind of love,
that my friends think I'm absolutely crazy kind of love
the kind of love that is reckless and addicting
that I don't care what you look like I just want to stay up all hours to share secrets kind of love
that every time I see you my heart throbs kind of love
that I see you upset and you don't have to say anything and I already know what to do kind of love
that stand next to me because I love you kind of love
that "you can have the cup with more coffee" kind of love
that you get my heart and the world gets the worst of me kind of love.
that you are my everything kind of love.
I just want you to bite my lip until I can't speak and can't scream anyone's name but yours.
I want you to touch the places that my ex forgot to touch.
I want you to let me scratch my brokenness into your back so that your moans can be the only thing that can fix me.
Let me make your body sing songs your lips don't know the words to.
Resurrect me so you can be all that I live for.
I want love.
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Anonymous
Believe
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Anonymous
You made me believe there were nice guys,
But maybe the nice ones are just better at lying,
You made me believe I was worth the wait,
But it turns out you were too impatient,
You made me believe I was beautiful for once,
But I guess I will never have that confidence,
You made me believe that I could be happy,
But maybe I just don't deserve to be,
Maybe I will never believe.
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Michelle
Untitled
 Aug 2014 Sasch
Michelle
And as I stood there, hair done
I figured you weren't one to show up
and it killed how I felt about you
but if phoenixes come back from the ashes
maybe we will too.
I hope we will too.
5 months ago
 Aug 2014 Sasch
20something
So let me get this straight;
there was one point during whatever this is,
that I was kind of important to you.
I did matter, you did care,
that, at the very least, is the truth.

But what happened after that,
to make me so easy to replace,
to ignore, to put out of your mind?
Was I only a momentary thought for your pleasure,
a nice way to past the time?

Don't tell me you thought I moved on first,
just because I'm close to other men.
Because from what I heard
you aren't lonely either,
and the women you're with
are far from just "friends".

It would be nice to know for sure,
that you think of me, every now and again,
because lord knows I can't keep you off of my brain.
I just have to find out if you were worth all the sleepless nights,
or were my feelings for you just in vain.
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