Coworkers seeking chit chat
I've a long night at that
Smiling and nodding robotically
If I leave they will hate me

The office party is on
They usually drag on till dawn
I look around for a spot
Just to hide out from the lot

Raising my head I see you
Eyes bright and blue
You look in my direction
I smile to show affection

As you move near me
My heart begins it's plea
Your fragrance precedes
A temptation indeed

Inches from me you stand
I reach out my hand
You slip your fingers in mine
Pulling me close its divine

You whisper in my ear
Why are you trembling dear?
I answer with a gentle kiss
Your smile tells me you like this

My intention is to hold you close
And dance until we overdose
My hands enjoy your curves
Another kiss to calm your nerves

Our bodies move in unison
This night has just begun
Dance with me till daybreak
These feelings I can't fake

I want shop chips
Hot, with salt n vinegar
Don't care about my hips
Coz I will be onto a winner

Oye you!  Skinny minnie
Tutting me in disgust
I eat chips with a shimmy
Judge me if you must

There is nothing to fear
Once in a while is fine
Life is to short my dear
Greasy chips are devine

I call the men who have ran off
with my affections
phantoms,
and rightfully so;
for they often say my name
as though it was another
way to sigh and let
a little breeze come into the room,
and they press their hands
against me so gently,
that I couldn't tell the difference
if they had never
touched me at all.

yet I still find myself
whispering their names
against my pillow
in angelic tongue,
waiting to feel their flesh once more
beneath my sheets
when I am hoping for one night
where it isn't just me
lying in the dark.

Be pleasant,
avoid anger
at all and any cost,
it is the weakness
deep within us
that fuels the fire
to what is lost.

Ma Cherie © 2017

For the days when you feel like,
there is nothing left for you to feel.
As though the whole universe had come together
To conspire against you
And take away all that’s left of you.

For the nights when you feel
Heavy and restless
From the weight of your eyelids
that has seen too much.
Entertaining the repetitive dialogues
in your head that never ceases.
Unsettled.

You live your life
with a series of misunderstandings
And the concept of happiness
has never seem so
foreign to you.

This is for you.

You struggle to find meaning;
Any purpose or reasons to
live this life for one more day
When it hurts most to even breathe.

But darling,
I promise you that one day
The universe will be kinder and
You will find so much love that
You shall be whole again.

Those days you spent in the dark;
The nights that consumed you whole
And the mornings that arrived late in pieces
reflects nothing but your courage
to carry on, to travel further.

This one is for you.

One day,
The warm sun will rise and
days will no longer seem dull and long.
The hurt will be over.
And you, will lustre.

You will be okay.
Eventually.

When I look at you, I see a wall:
A wary way of walking through the world,
hands pushed deep into your pockets,
keeping them safe from other hands.
Your laughter comes only controlled,
even smiles sometimes shielded
during our careful conversation
that’s calculated before it clears the air,
sentences screened for slips of the tongue,
holding back secrets that sit in your silences
when I ask the questions you can’t answer.

Whoever took that hammer to your heart
has this hard shell to answer for,
this barrier built on top of broken trust,
a mountain I am not strong enough to move
so instead I choose to love you from the outside in,
drumming on the door of this fortress you made
when someone made a fool of you.
May this love make such music that one day
you find yourself holding my hands
as we dance to it, laughing, talking, smiling, free.

I think my lips are chapped because I've kissed so many boys who don't love me.
You ask me 'what do you taste like?' I don't think its very **** to say regret and sadness.
You say 'when can I taste you' My taste has been passed around so many tongues there is nothing left for you.

He tells me 'I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you' as he kisses my neck. The next week the bite mark on my belly is fading and I can barely remember the colour of your eyes.

My sister says 'you will change your mind' she says, 'all woman want to be mothers'.
I have stumbled in at 4am with the taste of strangers in my throat to see my mother sitting upright waiting for me, I think of the night I spent crying on my mothers lap in a&e;, certain I couldn't make it through the day, the way my brother scowls at my mother, my sister telling her that 'you could've done more, you could've walked away.' I. Dont. Want. Children.

My mum tells me she is old, she is tired. She desperately needs a man to hold doors open for her and carry her shopping. I am trying to remember that needing someone does not mean you are weak.

My grandmother gave me waist beads to encourage fertility. She says 'god gave you those hips to birth children'. Ive never told her that i lost my faith in god the year i lost my virginity.  And if there is a god, i don't want his ******* fertility. I want to break these beads and let drugs engulf me to prove my grandmothers blind faith wrong.
I laugh and pray before our meal and kiss her forehead, 'god bless'.

He tells me 'i know youre *****, its natural'. I laugh and play along for his delight. 'women are just like toys, television, easy puzzles'. I think of my father beating my mother, my fathers face all the men ive walked past in the street. My mothers face is my own.

'if you don't want boys to touch you you shouldn't wear tight clothes'. I think of all the boys who have run their fingers over my back when i was dressed in clothes from neck to ankle. I wonder if god is a sexist man. I wonder if there's any men who aren't implicitly sexist.

He tells me, 'I'll spend hours on you, I'll make you believe in god again'. There is nothing I can do but laugh. I ask him, 'does your mother know you speak to girls like this?'
He ***** his teeth, 'do you always have to be so difficult?'  
I kiss him but I think of his mother, foreign and lonely, 2 sons and no husband.

He says 'you need a real man' I think of all the other boys who have told me that before leaving me.
He wants to know why I'm in hospital so much, 'how are we going love each other when you can't tell me what's wrong with you' I don't want to tell him that I've cut my arms so badly I can see god in my blood, and sometimes the voice in my head screams so loud I black out. I kiss his chest. He doesn't ask again. I resent him for that.

I've been ignoring my fathers phone calls for two weeks because his voice sounds like absence and I don't want to hear another 'I love you' from a man who doesn't know my secrets.