I don't miss you
I miss the time
And the me that you fell in love with
Because I loved her too
And all that innocence I had
Like flowers circling a pillar
You tore down and tied into ribbons
Hoping that the stems wouldn't rot after you left them on the ground
But they did
I did
So I don't miss you
I miss me
And none of your words
Or touches
Or ******* excuses can give me back the love that I had for myself
The love that I gave to you
That never should have been yours to begin with
But under lock in key inside my heart
So I could remember to cherish myself even after you ran away

can I have a single moment to breathe
before the floor is ripped form beneath me
like a rug from under the table
once sturdy now turn on its side
I cannot carry much weight or else I break in two
and you don't need something that's broken
you need a whole object
permanence is key but I am not that
a mere shadow of something that once stood so strong
I crack under the slightest touch
so don't run your fingers on my arms because I will bruise
the ghost of your breath leaves burns
and all at once I splinter down the middle
without rhyme or reason you hurt me
snap me in half so that you can use my now sharp edges to harm yourself
don't take me down your rabbit hole
because once there it may become my own
I wish to inhale the fresh air, feel the wind inside my lungs
not the rotting stench of the girl I once was
do not praise yourself for breaking me
I will find a way to glue myself together

Shoot the sun in my bloodstream
So my smile isn't as faded as we are
Hope that my cracks burn with golden light and not the shadow you left in your wake
Because you didn't think I would notice you gone
When the sun rises she can see the space where the moon once reigned
And she's arrived in his place
She wonders why they cannot exist at the same time
Through thousands of whispering stars she can hear his words
Miles apart but he still tells her she's beautiful
So why doesn't he ever stay?
I am the sun, I shine through the cracks in the armor of my skin
Shielding the moon from all of the darkest parts of me they once tried to touch
But I eat away at myself with the thought of rejection
Did my light not beam down on you properly
So the world could bask in your pale glow
Was I so powerful you had to run
So that maybe you could save yourself from the pain you think I would cause
Did I hurt you when my flames danced along your hopes and dreams
I wonder what you think about now when you see the sun
Me?
Or just another light you wish to put out

I want to write about what makes me sad
But I don't want to feel it again
I worked so hard to overcome the crashing waves
I don't want to drown anymore
To swallow the salt that burns my throat like your lies burned me
To plug my nose so I can't smell the ashes of what we had
I don't want to wave my hands through the surface hoping somebody spots a survivor
You're not worth the effort I made to get back to shore

Memories much like wine spill easily
They stain the brain like a carpet
But stains are never good
Unlike memories
So perhaps they're not all wine
Just the ones that taste like you
I swear I got so used to you
I no longer cared about the stain
Deep red so you'd forever be imprinted
Because you knew what you were doing
You wanted to make sure I remembered
Every time I fell to the floor in tears
I saw the red that matched the color of my heart once you ripped it from my chest
You wanted to spill your memories on every dress, every song, every inch of skin
So that even breathing left me with a feeling of your intoxication
You didn't want to fit into any cup because you loved falling from the rim
Onto my bedsheets, my books, my dreams
And though my mother tried to teach me
I never did learn how to properly remove a stain

why do you fly too high
to the tops of branches
to the peaks of mountains
across gaping oceans
opening their mouths to swallow you whole
much like the way you devoured me
in my heart
in my head
your wings lift you to the clouds
but you never land gently
if you ever land at all
I watch and wait each lonesome day
hoping the shadow across the sun is you
returning to me
why do you soar so long
your feathers singed by the ashes you catch as you fly
do those burns leave scars in the shapes of me
your want to be something that nobody can catch
roaming the sky
in search of a yesterday that passed
I worry that you won't realize
you are not Icarus
and your wings will too burn

Am I cold like the winter because I've never known summer?
Never felt the blistering heat boil my skin
Feel the surge of sunlight illuminate my every thought
Or am I cold because I have
I've known the temptation of warmth
Imprinted it against my heart like a sunburn
Each icicle melting away with your touch
I felt it all
And now I'm left to clutch at your shadow
Watch as the sun hides itself from me as if it's ashamed of my face
I'm cold because you were my warmth and now all I have is snow