Count blessings,
or count sheep.
I count victories--
the number of times I made you laugh.
Extra points
for the kind that live so deep in your belly
you must toss back your head
to let it escape.

black ink spots
spread
across her face.
as she pries them off
they become blurry
and they take over
the very face
she was
trying to save.

I am aware each breath might be my last
I'm careless with them though
If tragedy strikes and I die today
There are a few things I need you to know

You are the best I've ever had
You are not mine anymore
Better than highs from any drug
Ever readily ingested before

You changed me completely inside
The way I think; how my heart beats
I lost my confidence somewhere
Amidst folds of your tangled sheets.

I will always treasure moments
Spent together the most
I screenshotted every sentimental
Romantic Instagram post

I kept every present you bestowed
My tie-dyed hoodie and stuffed bear
Cherish each gift, though they make it
Impossible to pretend you did not care

You taught me to understand
The broken, fallen, and dark
By helping me to become that myself
A lesson that left a substantial mark

You showed me how to laugh through fear
I remember that tip every other day
You knew there was happiness to find
Even when skies were cloudy and grey

In your arms I learned to open up
Gave my secrets, shadows, and scars to you
Unlocked the door to vulnerable parts
Of my soul. That took courage to do

Thank you for being there to care
Loving me despite my worst
Most of the time I was put second
I could tell you wanted me to come first

Betrayal made me understand
How brave it is to forgive
Holding tight to bitter resentment
Is not the way to peacefully live

You proved to me it is possible
To overcome certain defeat
If two people put forth 100%
They will get up when knocked off their feet

The most profound thing discovered
Thanks to memories you left in my brain
Is when you meet the right person
The love you feel is worth every bit of pain

I know now why it's so hard to fall asleep.
It's because falling asleep is an escape.
An escape from reality.

And to escape is hard.


I know now why it's so hard to fall asleep.
It's because falling asleep is like a free trial.
A free trial of death.

And there's always a catch to free trials.

smile at me, please, say cheese,
with stained teeth made from weathered piano keys.

frame the picture with duct tape and cardboard,
an ode to what our love could once afford.

snap back at me, guide me to terminal three,
say goodbye, freeze time and beg of me to leave.

smashed chances, we burnt our last connection to ashes.
now flashbacks to past plastic passion is like paying back taxes.