and when you left me
it hit harder than the rest
it was like swallowing fire
scorching my chest,
desperate to put the flames out
i tried drowning myself from inside

i drank so much
that i could not feel
my own hands,
but i still knew you
were not there to hold them
i don't know what hurt more
the hangover or the heartache

you planted so much sadness
into my veins
i thought about digging them out
i might pretend i am alright
but that knife in my heart
is still wedged in
so tight

you could have told me
i was nothing to you
before i made you my everything
you could have predicted
six more weeks of winter
instead of promising me spring

Your eyes are telling a tale
Everywhere you go

Your steps are making rhythms
silent and slow

Your head was never high
Nor does your voice

Every tremble of your hands
Every quiver on your lips
I know.

I feel mostly like I'm just a skeleton
With worn out ribs and a cracked spine
Blood shot eyes lined by dark circles
Alabaster skin I'm constantly trying to shed
An alien within my own habitat
I know not where I'm going
Or when I shall ever get there
But I still carry on, slightly limping all the way,
The unforgotten memories of past failure still lingering
Reminding me I am merely bones and skin
Emotions  and ambitions left behind long ago
Not immune to the disastrous ways of the universe

Despite what you do and say,
trying to convince me
of your care.
I can see through you.

I see the way you treat the others
who I hold so dear
and love.
I can see through you.

Please don't try any longer
to get any closer
to me.
Prolonged pain lingers deep within.

Nothing can replace the past;
the anger and emotions
ever haunting.
Pessimistic thoughts tied to each beloved.

My troubled soul still aching;
filtering old complaints
and memories
which try to hide from truth itself.

Methods to cope with dull reality;
to ease the pain once more
which resides.
I can see through you.

I've Started reading my old works
My own literary corpses
From other places, other times
And lives I used to don

I've started meeting my old words
Like those friends forgotten
The ones, that even though have left
Still linger in the niches of my heart

I've started thinking of my past feats
Instead of my present failures
I gaze longingly at this visage of time
To make up for my lost delights

I've started questioning myself
My beliefs, my dreams and me
If I shed this cloak of apathy
What will I really be?

I've started something,  I'm not sure
But it's something unimportant
As it's just for me, my own tryst
But I've started finally.